Negative, moaning elderly mum.

[OhMyGiddyAunt]

I visited my mum today - she's in her mid 80s. Tend to visit once a week or stretch it to once every 2 weeks if I've got things going on.

I just find her so negative about everything though. She moans about the same things every time and seems to find it impossible to consider the bigger picture. Eg. they have a new part time warden in the flats where she lives, mum moans about the fact she's never there ....it's been 2 weeks, the poor warden will be undergoing induction, training etc but mum can't see that. She's already decided this poor woman will be useless.

Recently she's been moaning about some friends that she used to go out with regularly for coffee, lunch etc but they go without her now. They've used the excuse of her mobility (they're much more mobile than her, she uses a rolator frame now) but I honestly think it's because she's so negative.

When she was telling me about what she said to one of them (who was making excuses about why they hadn't invited her) I wasn't surprised they've "dropped" her. I did actually say to her that I hoped she hadn't said that in that tone of voice.

How do I tell her to not be so fucking miserable and negative?

I come away from visiting her feeling drained, down and annoyed.

Sorry ....think that rant was therapy!

When I referred to an hour or so I meant for the duration of a visit : also we are all hopefully going to reach old age so we are going to get there. ( some of us don’t like my own and husbands mum)

Like you I have had lots of elderly people in my life some were a joy to visit ; others sometimes it could be a chore but I managed to get through none of us know how we will be when we are elderly due to physical or other limitations.

I am very sorry and sad what you and your family went through growing up but the op and other posters haven’t indicated their mums have had mental health problems. Only that they find it hard to deal with their parents who have gotten older and now are complaining which unfortunately some elderly people tend to do obviously not all of them. same as people of all ages.
So I am not simplifying mental abuse
Going by your post it seems like your mum unfortunately had problems all her life not just in her old age which is very hard for all involved
i have had experience of dealing with family who have had mental health problems and at no point posted abuse about children being abused by mentally ill parents

The thing is, the NHS is hopeless at diagnosing things like Borderine Personality Disorder or even considering it - I've pleaded with my mum's GPs to look into it because she ticks every box but they just carrying on treating her as a PTSD case because she makes up fake traumas that never happened. There's a lot of BPD people about and when I see other people on here talking about their parents having very similar traits, I start to wonder if it's other people that also have BPD but they don't have a clue as don't their long suffering offspring.

I think I just want people to mindful that it could be undiagnosed and very challenging mental health conditions at play.