Why do (some) elderly complain so much?

[aneveningatthecricket]

I work with elderly wealthy people. It’s very often that I sit with them and they will moan about anything and everything, the fact the pavement is not swept, their favourite coffee is no longer stocked, the wording in a letter, a phone number doesn’t get picked up quickly enough or the call can is overseas, the cleaner missed a bit of hoovering etc I could list a thousand examples.

What is it about their experiences that are SO bad. We all know they probably had the best of life compared to us younger folk, many of the women never worked or had to struggle.

I just wondered why it could be. Im always sympathetic and understanding but I really think they are so far removed from life today that they really have nothing to complain about. They could all pay for anything they ever needed.

Perhaps because their health or fitness or life is no longer as they would wish. You can be wealthy and still depressed/unhappy.

Are you in the right job?

Maybe because their world has shrunk and so small things to us seem big to them

I had a conversation with my mum (now 75) recently where I recalled what she used to say about visits to my two grannies (her mother and her mother in law) when they were old.

She would say that found them a struggle, because they only wanted to talk about their health woes, and their bunions and constipation and aching backs, and how awful it was being old and tell the same stories again and again from the past.

My mum said that yes she had felt like that back then, but that now she was ancient and her body was betraying her (she’s comparatively extremely health and active for 75!!!) she could see it from their perspective, and could understand why this was all they wanted to talk about. She said I should try to be more empathetic to her than she had been to them and just bloody listen!!!

I think there is probably a lesson in there for her and for me

Because their worlds have become smaller, they've probably lost people they love and a lot of their friends, fear - the world has changed hugely in the last 3 or 4 decades, they're maybe scared they'll die soon so they focus on the small things they might still have some control over.
Surely you must have some understanding if you work with the elderly? Or perhaps not.

It’s because they have too much time on their hands. Employed people with children to bring up, do not have the time to think about minor niggles.

They hyper-focus too, won’t rest until something is sorted.

Become worn down by declining physical abilities ?

Some however are amazingly cheery, despite being widowed, having lessening mobility..

I think fear for their future looms large for the aging and elderly. Very often, they will have lost their spouse, possibly cared or watched them die.
They are lonely, and fearful for their own end, and they are not wrong to be fearful.
They are no longer employed or feel they are of use to anyone. They are watching their friends and family die. They have their own, possibly life-limiting conditions to deal with, not to speak of reduced mobility...and life can become an effort.
Frankly, old age can be wretched.

I’m only 46, but I’d guess when you’re older, don’t have the freedoms you had previously in getting about, have lost your friends and family don’t come to visit anymore, people act like you may have dementia because you don’t have the same opinions on them (love that on mn, any chance she’s got dementia? because someone said something the op couldn’t empathise with), then the little things probably exhaust you!

Plus as I’ve said I’m only 46, and in the last few years my favourite perfume and mascara have been discontinued and they were two of my joys in life and I’m pissed off!!

Maybe you should rethink your career choice

You may think they had the best of life but most of them had limited choices. It wasn’t easy for women to work outside the home (in a professional way) a lot had no choice but to marry as getting a mortgage would have been difficult.

My mum is 78. She’s an absolute cow but she’s not had a life I’d have wanted for myself.

Ps was talking to my mum recently and she said it’s awful how nobody listens to you, everyone coos over you and patronises you even though you’ve the same lived experiences as them plus years more!!

I hear you OP. This week alone 3 white male seemingly well groomed 75+ plus patients wanted to and in fact did spend part of their exam time while in the room with me testing/ examining them complaining about the “check in process” at our medical facility. And staff had already empathetically and specifically guided them thru the process altho the patient themselves was rude dismissive argumentative AND condescending all at the same time.

finally like a child I literally put my fingers in my ears and while doing this gesture said…I’m not listening to this anymore. You have wasted 11 minutes of your appt time. Do you want your medical appt to proceed or do you want to leave/ reschedule.

they complain and complain and can’t seem to accept that we the medical staff have no control over the “ system” and simply work in it but did not create it.

Not directed directly at you, but your post sort of sums up the self-obsession so prevalent on MN at the moment.
Yes I imagine this thread is going to go the same way as threads about pensioners always do - greedy boomers, deliberately making life difficult for the eternally-suffering young families.
I find it quite alarming that a lot of younger people are so entrenched in their view that their suffering is worse than any other generation ever that they cannot see that just because their granny's life has (in their view) been easier than theirs, granny must not interupt their busy lives to complain about anything, ever.
You will be old one day. You too will find your world has shrunk. You will lose your friends one-by-one. You will not want to be turfed out of your 'massive' house to make way for suffering young families. You may find you are reluctant to share your 'hoard' of cash in case you need it. And of course, if half of MN gets its way, you won't have a pension because they should be abolished so greedy boomers suffer more than younger generations. I hope your children will be more empathetic than today's 30-somethings are.

What @Katypp said.
This belief by the young of today that boomers had "an easier life" than them is getting stale. Every generation has its problems. The elderly are not one homogeneous mass. They are individuals all with different lives and experiences.

@Oneearringlost has nailed it in my view

Not all old people are like this. My grandmother never was even at 90, though she had a busy life and lots to occupy her mind. I think that makes a difference.

I do have another relative who is like this though. In her case I think it’s due to physical pain, immobility and having a very small world nowadays. She listens to the radio and the tv and is very easily wound up and influenced by that rather than what’s going on in the ‘real world’ as she’s not able to get out there anymore. She has little patience. Unfortunately she has become quite bitter too, but she has nothing else to focus on.

Also, you don't sound sympathetic or understanding. You sound mean.

I’ve seen it with my own parents. Their world shrinks and smaller problems become magnified. The happiest seniors I know are those with good social connections and able to still have their hobbies, but not everyone’s health allows this, and of course the older you get the more of your friends and family pass away. I’ll probably be the same, much as I dislike the prospect.

A lot of the ‘elderly’ are not boomers. The oldest boomer today would be 80 and the youngest 62. I wouldn’t class someone in their mid 60s as elderly anyway.

There are over 3.1m people over 80 still alive and they would be the ‘silent generation’ not Boomers.

I think it’s mainly this - my 86 year oldFIL is really not a moaning man and was a senior professional engineer project manager- hiszworld has shrunk, he describes himself as yesterdays man and whijst he keeps himself busy and active as much as he can , friends and colleagues are no longer around, no kids to look after, far less to occupy the brain I think other than aches and pains, bits of jobs around home - way more funerals than stag nights, weddings, last minute trips away etc- his work skills are now obsolete which saddens him I know and he finds technology hard to keep up with even though he’s not too bad for his age -the only moaning tends to be of the kind that the OP mentioned - can’t access stuff without an app, tradesmen changing plans and dates, general unkemptness of some public areas, slight obsession on scams and various stuff that I think he gets from GB News, designed to influence and annoy chaps like him

If you think they had a better life maybe have a look at what women's rights were like "back then"

@june35 Whatever, older people then. The people the OP is complaining about.

I'm going to pick up on your final comment that 'they could all pay for anything they ever needed'.

That just isn't true.

My DM can't pay for an uninterrupted night's sleep, or forward her lung condition to disappear. My Dad can't pay to be fit enough to climb ladders and lift things, nor to improve his short term memory.

Wealth can help stuff, but can't address failing health and cognitive ability of old age and help retain independence.

I wouldn't waste your breath, they don't want to know about the problems the older generations have faced in their lifetime. They want to carry on with the conviction that theirs is the only generation to have known hardship.

The nasty way the issues older people face are waived away with 'they can pay for it'. Pure spite.
I can only assume - hope - that the unpleasant posters have not yet got very elderly parents (as in, 85+, not in their 70s - most people manage Ok in their 70s).
It's deeply unpleasant.

Women were limited in terms of career prospects, protections when in work (basically nil), no maternity leave (you’d probably just have been sacked), and society was generally more set up for women to rely on men. It would have been pretty shit if you were a single or unmarried mother.

That’s not to say though, that it’s perfect for women now. ‘Back then’ it was possible to live on one salary (almost impossible now unless one is a high earner) and being a SAHM was the norm - whereas now many women would like to be a SAHM but can’t afford it, or they feel they shouldn’t due to societal attitudes. I am not saying that it was better when women had little choice but to be a SAHM, but today it’s gone totally the other way due to various reasons.

But older women have had some things better than younger women - if they’re older than 76 they got their pension at 60. Women born after the late 70s will be waiting until they’re at least 68.