No contact parents - phone ringing now after 12 years

[CocoKenny]

I’ll try to keep this brief.
My mother was cruel,nasty and violent. I remember the beatings starting VERY young. She quickly stopped beating my slightly older brother when he got bigger and could restrain her but this meant an escalation for me. Dad was scared of her, saw what was happening and choose himself. He allowed me to be her punchbag to save himself.
my childhood was hell.
i stupidly tried to continue to try and win their approval/love until my 40s and after an awful incident where my brother and I were then having the most terrible lies told about us ….. I broke.
i have been no contact for 12 years.

i’ve done a lot of healing in that time and am not happy and content.

now they are elderly, I have so many phone calls from the ghosts of relatives past saying I need to go back and take care of them. It’s MY job apparently.

I'm numb. I feel nothing but cold towards them. My healing is done. I feel sick at the thought of seeing them again.
AITA for feeling that way?

thanks if you’ve read all of this

Absolutely bloody not. You owe them nothing and they are reaping the rewards of their cruelty. Block everybody. Live your life. You deserve every moment of that peace and happiness and I hope your brother is doing well too 💐

I wouldn’t do that either. Their relatives can do that.

Actually yes. Why choose!

Do both.

You are definitely not unreasonable. Either ghost the rellies or give them some cold hard truths and don't hold back

You reap what you sow with you your kids.

Tell those relatives to piss off and block them. You owe your parents nothing.

I'm fully expecting it myself when the time comes, but my laughing will be heard for a long time I think.

You owe them nothing. I would just block them all after telling them they all failed to help you when you was being beaten to a pulp by your motheranc that now your parents are their burden to bear.

You need to block these people.

I understand you completely. I am sure my mother tells a pitiful story about how her selfish daughter has no interest in supporting her in her eighties.

All I will feel when/if she dies before me is relief that she can never hurt me again. 💐

Nope. All that healing that you have done will be undone the moment you let them back into your lives and that's gonna hurt.. please don't put yourselves through it. No parents are children's responsibility and yours most certainly are not given the background.

Block, ignore, let the people sticking their beaks in sort it out if they're so worried. Sorry OP for such a shit childhood.

Thank you so much everyone. So much. I know you don’t know me but you’ve really helped me get out of my own head. I appreciate every comment and you taking time to respond. Everyone who is/has been in a similar position, I’m so sorry.
I just read my post back to myself. I meant to say I AM so happy and settled now. My husband and family are wonderful and I’m so lucky.
The guilt trips have been eating away at me but my brother has made things easier.
Again, thank you. I’m not going back. Ever.

They didn’t care for you so how could you care for them?

that’s how I feel about my abusive parents

there is a book - one of its kind as this is such a taboo - it’s called “your turn to care” - it’s about this time when abusive parents need care - great sensitive book that will help you see you don’t have to go anywhere near them

Do not be brow beaten into doing this.
Abusers like your mum don't exist in a vacuum, it's often a family-wide issue of abusers and that's exactly what you're facing.
Protect yourself from all of them.

Op is there a potential inheritance that might be worth grtting involved for?

hang up on the rellies then block the number. If push comes to shove, change your number.
I completely understand where you are coming from and lives, in my opinion, have no reverse gear. You owe them nothing at all.

Jesus wept.

When you've been abused, inheritance means nothing. All you wanted was unconditional love. I've had will waving by my estranged parents but I've still kept away - money's not important to me but I can't get my head around the way they treated me as a child and teenager.

No sum of money is worth dealing with abusive family members.

Absolutely this!

Your mother's job was to love, nurture and care for you and she failed dismally to do any of that so you owe her absolutely nothing.

Who are these ghosts of relatives past who are pestering you? Tell them to look after her if they care about her so much. Block them all if you can and try not feel an iota of guilt.

I'm so sorry that you had to endure such horrors during your childhood.

Absolutely YANBU. Your mother was vile and you owe her nothing.

Nobody would tell a woman she had to go back to look after an ex-husband who used to beat her up, so nobody should be telling you to go back and look after a parent who beat them up either.

I’ve been no contact with my parents for a couple of decades now. If I start getting phone calls with any hint that I should “step up” I think I’d bloody laugh.

id certainly feel no guilt. I hope my mother, particularly, dies a slow, lonely death.

clearly I haven’t done all my healing! 🙄. I’d not be able to show her any more of the care and patience she showed me and I’m not prepared to let myself behave that badly.

Change your phone number! Solved.

THIS, with big shiny bells on. Cut the tethers and protect your peace at all costs - they are not your responsibility, and you don't need to feel any guilt. (Block anyone else who doesn't respect your wishes, too. Might be sad, but necessary, otherwise you may never hear the end of it.)

Your well-being takes absolute precedence here. Congratulations on your healing & happiness - you deserve it! :)

As posters upthread have suggested I would block the numbers or change your own, Job done!

I had a similar experience when I stepped back from my parents. Interfering relatives phoning and sending me letters (there were no mobiles back then thank heavens). Trying to guilt me for keeping my distance.

I was a black sheep and my sister the golden child. Familiar story. My father beat the daylights out of me with his fists, his belt, and anything that came to hand. Nothing I did was ever good enough. My greatest crime was to remain childfree. After my own horrendous childhood I did not feel fitted to be a parent.

Eventually I moved to another city and made contact difficult. I decided that as my sister had been the golden princess she would have the privilage of being the golden carer. My parents had already announced that they were leaving two thirds of the estate to her because she had "given" them grandchildren.

WHAT???!

No promise of an inheritance is worth selling your soul for!

You owe them nothing.

You could point out that you believe in giving back to parents in their dotage, but in your case that would involve giving back beatings, so probably best you keep away!