Parents retired early…

[WeepingAngelInTheTardis]

I dont know where this fits, my parents are in their early 60s so kind of fits? So sorry if this is the wrong board!

Both my parents took early retirement in their early 50s, they were warned by many family members not to do this but they had savings & assets and future proofed their home by moving to a bungalow. Fair enough.
However, since the COL I get constant weekly phone calls from them moaning about the prices of everything, politics and the state of the country & how they are struggling. (Will not touch their savings. Both will get large inheritances)
I am struggling to have any sympathy for them, Ive told them they could go back to work even part time but they wont consider it.
Other than ignoring the phone I have no idea what to do, Ive tried steering the conversation away but it always go back to that.
On paper they are quite well off but I feel like they want some kind of magic solution from me & its stressing me out.

to be fair £300m is quite a lot to live on for 30 yrs .! Ha ha
Even 300, 000 is . Only in the world of mums net is it not.

I used to get this from my mother. Thank heavens there were no smart phones back then - only land lines. I was in a research job where I went aborad about once every three months. I told my family it was 2 weeks out of every month.

Inflation will eat into its worth and everything is so volatile at the minute I can understand the worry - I get it doesn't mean you should burden your children though.
Hubby and I have had a few times when we've had no money and no food in but we didn't burden our children we just didn't eat. We survived 🙂

But the OP's parents are in the early 60s! They're still of working age.

I suspect they're just bored.

I'm a single mum on low wages living in a private rental property but I am very frugal so have a small amount of savings. My mum was always talking about how they didn't have any money, the house was too big (but they wouldn't be able to sell it) and they couldn't afford to run it. I have offered to help her out financially a couple of times but she didn't take it, found out recently she has £100k in savings, her pension is more than my wages and her husband's is ever higher! They have finally decided to sell the house though, it's on the market for just shy of £1m. Being that poor must be so tough.

Op do you have small dc? Hand the phone over to a dc.. Leave them chatting together while you crack on..

Absolutely do not help them out. Retiring in their 50s was a silly thing to do. My parents are still working in their 70s! (They don’t need the money; they like working). Perhaps you could advise them to get some professional help from a financial advisor? They have capital, they’ll be fine – but they should get some advice.

Yep as I said plenty of the WFA moaners had more income than an average family or couple plus fully paid off houses who get jack shit , but they felt fully entitled, so it’s not that they are against benefits, but only into ones they can get

Yeah I expect most people could scrape by for a couple of decades with £300m in savings

If they’re in their early sixties, are their parents (your grandparents) still alive? There may be care home fees to consider which would eat considerably into the expected inheritance.

Yes🤣🤪oh god can you imagine

Have you tried cannabis?

How is your sex life- I’ve heard that can take the edge off??

They are looking for part time elves at the local garden centre?

People moan and they tend to do it to those who they are closest to
If it wasn’t money it would be the next door neighbour or ill health

I doubt if they dipped into their savings Theyd suddenly be jolly about everything.
I suspect getting a hobby or something will help them focus on something else. Up to them of course , they’re adults

I agree with this, and also think that they might be coming to the realisation that they have made the wrong decision. I am in my early 60s. Still work full time as financially I have to, there's no choice. As do most people I know. They have potentially another 30 years so either need to suck it up or change something.

If they are anything like my relatives they just like having a moan - a bit like the four Yorkshiremen sketch if you know the one. Every now and again I’ve had enough and I find turning the conversation back on them stops this as the conversation is no longer fun for them. E.g. the classic: ‘so what do you intend to do about it?’ is always good. For cost of living: ‘well what were your assumptions on costs and inflation when you decided to retire? What did you miss?’. You get the idea - making them consider their own solutions or how their situation is due to their own decisions takes the fun out of having a purposeless moan. One more point, absolutely the last thing I would do is suggest ‘solutions’ - that feeds it. They enjoying explaining why anything you suggest won’t work.
I note with interest your brother is not subjected to this. What is he doing different? You could maybe learn from him. Ask him what he would do if they started on with him. It might be as simple as not picking up the phone so often.

One thing stands out is that they don't discuss their money worries with your brother and his wife.
I would deflect onto them - ask your parents what your bro and SIL think. Suggest they discuss their issues with them, on repeat..

Sounds to me as if they are both bored out of their minds and only have each other for company so the same ol' conversations get re-cycled over and over. I'v eseen it before in admittedly much older couples who don't get out much.

So if they aren't getting out and about at least once a day, then they need a kick up the bum. I'm in my mid 60s and my feet haven't touched the floor this week and I'm meant to be in 3 places at the same time tomorrow so that will be fun. I'm meeting and talking to lots of different people, doing lots of different things, barely spoken to DP as he's also very busy. And that's great.

All I can suggest is that they start being more active, tell them they'll grouch themselves into early graves if they don't. When they start banging on about COL - just cut them off, say don't want to talk about it and ask when the last time they left the house

DPotter I agree they sound very bored. Just limit the phone calls op. Gets tiring doesnt it. My mam doesnt go out much some weeks we both have no news.. I think if you retire you need to keep busy

Have they invested their savings well, on that amount, they should be getting quite a lot of interest.

Yes they have. 3 private pensions too. I dont know im guessing they are just bored & want to moan! To much GB News.

Say on rinse and repeat, only a few years until you get your state pensions, so you'll have an extra £24k a year then. You can treat me and the children.

DH and I are 64 and 65. Still working although I'm part-time now. They sound like a miserable pair of gits who like to suck the joy. Have they always been whingers?

Yep, always been whingers. Some of my childhood was great dont get me wrong, but lets just say soon as I was old enough to move out I left immediately!

What does your DM read or watch? I found that my DM was suddenly spouting a load of right wing “facts” having alwsys being more left leaning. I occasionally borrow her iPad and do a little curating of what she looks at, so for instance unfollow a couple of her friends who are posting about Reform and instead follow someone like Man Behaving Dadly.

A diet of too much rolling news whether GB or not is going to have a huge impact on their mental health. Sky News repeating the same mantra that everything was f*cked on a 15 mins news cycle. I take it that they retired around Covid too so they've had years of this.
There's a lot now written about the physiological and psychological impact of doom scrolling. It may be worth pointing out that while life is tough for most people right now, they are healthy, in a strong financial position and they can choose not to be moaning Minnies for the next 20 years with the knock on effect of just how much time their children and grandchildren, never mind friends and neighbours want to spend with them. For a generation that were brought up with a stiff upper lip mentality and told us to stop complaining as kids, it's ironic.

I'm a similar age to your parents, OP, and retired, but I don't recognise any of this. We spent 25 years planning and saving to be able to retire early (at 56 for my husband), and we know how very lucky we are. We have lots of hobbies, volunteer and take fantastic holidays - we have seen friends die, or get sick, at a much younger age, and want to make the most of our opportunities. We never complain about CoL, because we live well and don't count the pennies.
Maybe your parents retired without thinking through all the financial implications? You need to be tough with them, and tell them:

1. To understand how lucky they are
2. If they are short of funds, get a part time job
3. Try some volunteering, to expand their horizons
4. If all else fails, that you can't help them and they should shut up! They are giving us oldies a bad name tbh.

You sound fab !! And you are so right - the old expression for project managers is failing to plan is planning to fail - and I think many people drifted into early retirement thinking ‘yep that looks ok to live on’ but not being prepared to draw on savings, downsize etc or thinking what life might look like in terms of spending your time- I’ve known a few couples who thought it would mean lots of time to go away etc and then realised unless you gave a second home that means hard cash each and every time . Ones who thought they would be doing 3 rounds of golf a week and then realising Jim only gets a ‘pass out’ from his wife once a week or friends all still working etc etc