Parents retired early…

[WeepingAngelInTheTardis]

I dont know where this fits, my parents are in their early 60s so kind of fits? So sorry if this is the wrong board!

Both my parents took early retirement in their early 50s, they were warned by many family members not to do this but they had savings & assets and future proofed their home by moving to a bungalow. Fair enough.
However, since the COL I get constant weekly phone calls from them moaning about the prices of everything, politics and the state of the country & how they are struggling. (Will not touch their savings. Both will get large inheritances)
I am struggling to have any sympathy for them, Ive told them they could go back to work even part time but they wont consider it.
Other than ignoring the phone I have no idea what to do, Ive tried steering the conversation away but it always go back to that.
On paper they are quite well off but I feel like they want some kind of magic solution from me & its stressing me out.

Why wasn’t their decision sound? They’re perfectly well off with savings, no mortgage and inheritance to come. I wouldn’t work in their shoes. They are grumbling about nothing really.

Id just change the subject, or tell them to stop moaning, they’re better off than most people -every time!

I’m the same age as your parents and I think they are being very selfish. If they have pension income and savings they are very fortunate. Current interest rates would give them around £10k interest on their £300k savings, and in a few years when they are 67 they will probably both be entitled to the state pension which could be another £20k a year between them, and with inheritance to come in the future what are they moaning about. They really do need to count their blessings and I’d certainly be telling them so. Our generation have been very fortunate, generally we’ve benefitted from ridiculous increases in property prices and decent pensions that have enabled many of us to retire early, we are pretty fortunate compared to our children’s generation who struggle with high rents and mortgages and crazy childcare fees. Next time they start moaning tell them this, perhaps they might reflect a bit and realise that they are being totally unreasonable.

How the fuck is £300k nothing even if OP's parents are in their early 60s? I assume that they are mortgage free and have work pensions that were sufficient for them to take early retirement and they should be receiving quite a lot of interest from their savings. They will be getting their state pension in a few more years as well.

Do they complain about anything else eg their health, neighbours etc?

Maybe they are just making conversation, externally processing and they don't need you to do anything. Which is hard because there's no end to it.

Is there a local friendship group on Facebook your mother could join, get out with some other people and maybe have other people to complain to?

It's very draining for you, I'd start making excuses as soon as she starts complaining, almost like training her that you're fine for a normal catch up call but as soon as she's complaining you've got other things to do.

“I understand society and the economy are difficult now, but this is exactly what your savings are for. You have enough savings to cover any shortfall. If you don’t, you need to go back to work. I don’t want to discuss this anymore as it causes me stress”

Then the change the subject if it comes up again.

I agree and do think people have lost a total sense of perspective.

Do they have300k . Loose change as such plus a decent sized pension pot still they are drawing income from? I do wonder if they meant they have£300k still in pension pot but not extra to draw down on - it’s not your business of course but might make a difference as to why they are as they are - not that that amount is peanut's of course

As another poster said, £300k in savings is not that much if they live for another 25-30 years. You say they are also expecting an inheritance, but who knows if that will happen. It could be eaten up in care fees, or the individual(s) could change their minds. So they can’t count their chickens on that.

There is no need to over-identify with their problems. Let it wash over you, I doubt they want you to solve it, they just want to moan. My mother used to go on about her endless ailments, at least you are spared that ... actually having said that, I’d probably prefer to hear about ailments than Farage 😧

I think the whole issue here is with your drip feed about helping your in-laws , your parents , or at least your mum is bitter about that and that isn’t likely to change . Next time they start just tell them that you are all in the same boat as regards the COL and it would be nice to have a conversation with them ( her) where it wasn’t bought up as it’s getting on your nerves now . If she / they start the same conversation again on another call just say ‘we’ve already had this conversation’ and change the subject .

This would really irritate me too!

Best thing to do perhaps would be to outright tell them they are being silly and have lots in savings they could dip into, or if not, they should get a part time job or something to tide them over.

Otherwise, just approach each phone call with an arsenal of distraction topics. Eg…

Mum: “oh god we did our weekly shop yesterday and it cost a fortune, we just can’t afford to live anymore”
You: “I know mum, you say that a lot, ever thought about getting some part time work if it’s as bad as you say? Anyway what did you think of Corrie last night?”

Or…

Mum: “I don’t know how we’ll afford Christmas this year, we just don’t seem to have any money and it’s really bothering me.”
You: “I know mum, you always say this, perhaps dip into your savings? Anyway did you see those pictures Auntie Sue put on Facebook?”

And repeat!

I think this is a cautionary tale about retiring early. Many people think they can do it, with a few economies here and there, but as the years progress, they find out that their so called ‘inflation proof pension’ is not. We both retired late and this has had to most positive effect on our finances so I know the reverse must be true. It has also enabled us to help our children more. I also think retiring early can sometimes make people far more insular.
OP, I expect your mother is just bored at home and is festering. She is just upset with her life. As suggested by pp I would just put her on loud speaker. I would also tell her that either go back to work or take out some of their savings until their state pension kicks in. I suspect your parents, quite rightly, will not be getting a full pension. If they are receiving an occupational pension, then they were probably contracted out of SERPs for most of their working life.

I do think many people forget about the SERPS aspect that was available for a lot of years and then are caught out when their state pension when it kicks in is lower than expected

As it should be, because these people paid a percentage of their state contributions into their occupational pension.

Some people retire early to enjoy their later years travelling and doing things they really enjoy, using their savings and i dex linmed oensions to do so, having planned for their retirement, Including paying additional moneys to ensure they receive the appropriate state pension. No 'suspect' or forecast 'probability" likely needed from a complete stranger.

£300k doesn't go very far when you have nothing topping up the pot.

Benefits?! With £300k in the bank?! Is that poster insane! No wonder the country is in the state it’s in with that mindset 🙄

yep, I agree but I do think many forget about it

Interesting you mention benefits @TheaBrandt1which is why I asked if the £300k was loose change on top of the pension pot or if that £300k ‘was ‘ the pension pot - because under 67 you can have a vast pension pot and still be fully entitled to UC if you have under£16,000 in the bank - it doesn’t count apparently , provided you haven’t drawn down on it - even though post 55 ( going up to 57) you can legitimately draw down a quarter tax free and more than that if you want to pay tax - so in theory you could indeed in early 60s have £300k in your pension pot ( which you can access) and yet still claim benefits - personally I think that needs tightening up because some will indeed have cottoned on to this.

They're in their 60s not 80s.

And if getting fixated about things is a sign of dementia then my mum has had it forever.

MNers are fixated with dementia.

They are the usual moany entitled early retired couple. I would say they need to get lives but it sounds like they do, so they just need to be told to stop moaning.

If they are short of money, they must get jobs - that must be your message, on repeat, unless they have severe health problems (which you don't mention so I assume not). They are not short of money by the sound of things but have made a mistake retiring so young. I am 66 and have no plans to retire any time soon because who knows what will happen to the economy and what if I live into my 90s? It's got to last me, I absolutely do not want to be a burden on my children or anyone else so I have to factor into my planning the uncertainty. I have very little sympathy for people who refuse to work when they can (young or old) - a thriving economy requires everyone who can to be making a contribution and not just living off the infrastructure. People who don't do that eventually lose the right to moan about anything.

I would say to them well you have 2 choices here:
Get a job and work until state retirement age like millions of other people.
Or live off your savings.
It’s really that simple.
If they then say they won’t do either cut them dead. Well that’s what everyone else has to do. Next subject.

Someone recently recommended the Sybil Fawlty 'Ooh I know' repeatedly approach. Try that. Stop making suggestions, they don't want them. They want to vent about how bad they have it when they don't. £300K in the bank is privileged no matter how long you have to live. Can't believe people are saying OP should give them anything!

so they have gone from the equivalent of 56k to 30k a year
plus savings
they are still rather well off compared to most pensioners but u can see it’s a huge change

although inflation was always going to happen - and that’s an annual inflation average of under 3% according to the Bank of England calculations / so not that unusual

just shows the problems with buying an annuity really
as the decades go on and these types of pension & nine index linked annuities become more common o can see a lot of people falling foul of inflation

They need something to do with their time except watching GBNews and hanging out with other retirees - most who will be older than them.

They sound as if they didn't enjoy working, thought early retirement sounded loads of fun and £300K was an incredibly large amount of money. But didn't think through what their annual budget would be for the lifestyle they wanted, or what free/cheap leisure activities they were going to fill their days with.

My parents nearly divorced when they retired as my DF became a massive whinger. Eventually my DM forced him into volunteering, he loved it and as he was spending time with people of all ages the moaning stopped.

@WeepingAngelInTheTardishave you clearly said to them that you will not be helping them? It might be worth actually saying the words, in a very clear way which cannot be misinterpreted.

"Mum/Dad, you have money in the bank. Use it! I do not have spare money to give you. Any spare money I have I will need to try and save in order to have a fraction of what you currently have "

Alternatively, if you're feeling very tetchy and they just won't listen..."Look, when you decided to retire I did try and tell you what would happen. You refused to listen and this is where you are now. You need to deal with it!"....🤷🏻‍♀️