Cockroach cafe Winter 2025

[GnomeDePlume]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/elderly_parents/5360173-cockroach-cafe-summer-2026?page=39&reply=147870717

Here we go. I think we are going to need this

@MittensTheKittensthat sounds tough.
My DM has a fall pendant, they look for someone nearby to be a respondent, does she know any neighbours? Also I think it was because of the fall pendant but it may have been related to the carers, we needed to install an outdoor key box ( it’s completely useless mind as DF always locks the house from the inside with the key in the door, but there we go).

In order to speak to DPs doctor, their surgery needed me to get a for, signed by her which I emailed across. Give them a ring, DPs surgery was super helpful.

Good luck - sounds like your DM is at that difficult stage, where she isn’t capable of living independently but doesn’t need a care home and refuses help. I laughed at her refusing the velco slippers for old people- what age is she ?

She's 81 and I think we're at the worrying pre-help stage.

Mentally she's very capable of living alone, she's happy catching the bus to the supermarket and library etc then getting a taxi home, we're going for a mooch around a shopping mall next week and was complaining about the HMRC sending her letters demanding more tax the other day.

But seemingly she just seems to loose her balance every so often and falls over.
So far she has bounced, but if she does this at the top of the stairs or in the middle of Tesco she will do herself some real damage.

Gahhhh!

Does she use a mobile phone. If she carries that all the time she can call for help wherever she is. Mum tens to fall outside or when out - she misjudges uneven ground like kerbs etc - so a fall alarm wouldn't help. But Alzheimer's means she throws those away when they need charging as "it was broken". But if your mum is still on form mentally it's worth considering.

@MittensTheKittens I sympathise. My Dad has a falling habit too, thankfully he has rarely broken anything. He has a bit of vertigo, do you think you could get your DM assessed for that? It can be treatable with a bit of physio, or drugs.

Slippers .. I think slippers are bloody dangerous. They flap about on the foot and don’t allow you to feel the ground properly. What about some socks with a grippy sole, not sure what they’re called, but basically you want warm feet with the ability to feel the floor, so your brain can tell where you are and balance you better. Would that work?

Your comment about her saying Velcro slippers are for old people made me laugh as we are desperate to get Mil to get hearing aids as she is very deaf and she wont because " They are for old people and it will make her look old ."
She is 90 .

@Adooree my mum has hearing aids and you literally can’t see them. Makes such a difference and they are so tiny now and v discreet.

My Dad wears socks with walking sandals around the house rather than slippers, despite this he still scraped his leg somehow falling the other day against a table getting up from the sofa. He also has a falls pendant.

My dad always used to refuse to wear his until he discovered he could stream to them via Bluetooth. Now he potters about listening to the radio and his favourite podcasts all day. Drives my mum bonkers when she tries to talk to him!! 😂

yes my mum has that too - but she says oh play the voicemails to me and they play directly into her ear and she's yelling DELETE to me!

DH has new hearing aids that he can Bluetooth to. Really funny watching his face when he's listening to football.

Yes, she can use a basic buttoned phone. That's such a simple solution. 😀

MIL got hearing aids last year after a while of not following conversations. She's happier now she knows what's going on.

MittensTheKittens

You mentioned that your mother has mules from M&S. One of my friends has a mother in her early 80's. She had a pair of backless slippers. Last year when wearing these on a slippery floor she had a bad fall. She ended up with a hip fracture. My friend ended up moving into her mother's house for 8 weeks because she needed care.
Since then my friend has told people to get rid of backless slippers.

I know that your mother may not want to wear velcro slippers. I have a pair of memory foam slippers with backs on them that I got in Tesco and I know that sometimes Primark have them as well. Get her a pair of these as they would be safer than mules. Say to her that I don't want you to have a bad fall in the mules and to end up in hospital with a broken hip.

If she is dizzy get this checked out as it could be blood pressure, vertigo ect and medication can help with this.
Your mother sounds like my friends mother in that she wants to stay at home for as long as possible and values her independence. It's getting some extra's now like a fall alarm, a key safe ect and putting a few plans in place that could make life easier for you both as she gets older.

DM wears Skechers Go Walk as slippers now. She likes the type with stiff backs that you can slide your feet into. I threw all the mule type ones out.
We tried a few Velcro type ones including expensive ones from Hotter but she struggles with swollen feet so Skechers have proved the best option.

I had a lovely afternoon with her for a change. She’s a fluent Welsh speaker and I’ve been learning for a few years so I’m just about at the level where we can have a conversation now so we sat and chatted in Welsh while Wales lost at rugby. It amazes me that she can’t remember what she had for lunch but she can speak in a language that she doesn’t hear or speak to anyone else in nowadays (because all her Welsh speaking family and friends are gone). Memory is such a strange thing.

Hello, everyone <passes round drinks and cakes> I’ll try to catch up at some point. Not doing so great here. I’m still “off sick” doing 4/5 days at mum’s but less than I was and carers are going in to help with meals. She was diagnosed with an irregular heart beat at the end of last month so her stroke risk is now high. She’s to start a new anticoagulant tomorrow or Thursday. She’s due more spinal surgery asap which will be fun with the anticoagulant but I’ll tell the hospital tomorrow about that. I keep worrying that she’ll die. Just in general really seeing as she’s 86. My eldest took a concoction of drugs last week and ended up in A&E but her fuckwit dad didn’t tell me. Sure she’s 18 but she’s still my baby girl. She’s really struggling with her mental health. I’ve not seen her since mid-summer due to her drug use as I won’t have it around the younger ones. Youngest Dd is struggling too and has been smoking cannabis with the eldest. Ds has hurt his leg so I’m having to get him to school and back in a taxi and I can do without the added cost. He’s not really in pain but can’t walk far and has to rest. I had the fitness to work interview thing last week that took bloody hours on the phone. I think I should score highly enough to be deemed low capacity for work. I’m waiting on my PIP application and feel like I’ll never work again. I’m still exhausted and walking at 5am worrying about everybody. I’ve got blood tests on Friday to see if I’ve managed to get my blood sugar levels down as I’m pre-diabetic. It feels relentless. Oh and my sister is moving away so she won’t be around to be of any help if/when mum needs to go to A&E for anything. Shoot me now. Once my bloods are done I’m going to bake a big fuck off cake and eat lots of it followed healthy eating. I’ll share though.

Sounds very tough at the moment @Dormit, there always seems to be a perfect storm of juggling multiple issues at the same time in life doesn't there. It is okay to back off and focus on your kids if it is all too much for your health to do it all.

I will share in the cake too please, I have had 3 hours sleep after DH had a medical emergency and ended up in A&E all last night and most of the day. In the middle of it all my Dad is still phoning for crossword clues and didn't even ask how DH was 🙄

For @Dormit and @Choconuttolata

Focus on your kids and DH, your elderlies can wait. How is your eldest doing now, is she out of hospital?

Waiting for an ambulance for DH as he was really unresponsive this morning. Now he is talking but utter garbage. Hoping it's a diabetic hypo.

He doesn't even recognise his own clothes

Oh goodness @countrygirl99 I hope he's ok.

Hope he is okay @countrygirl99 sounds like it could be a hypo, was his blood glucose low?

Is there something in the air at the moment with us all having family crises? We were lucky yesterday the ambulance was here within 5 minutes when DH went into anaphylaxis. I hope the ambulance gets there quickly for you too.

Paramedics are here but he isn't co-operating. He's being really aggressive with them.

Have you/they managed to get glucogel or something sugary into him? Will he listen to you rather than them? DH does mostly listen to me when confused, wouldn't listen to the paramedics at all the other night as he couldn't see and couldn't recognise their voices. The combativeness sounds like hypo too.

I'm having to stand guard at the gate to stop him getting out and he won't take anything from anyone. Thinks we are trying to poison him. Paramedics have got him back inside and have called for police assistance. I don't think I've ever been so scared. It's like a total mental breakdown.

Sounds like they will have to get Police to restrain him, possibly sedate him and administer glucagon then get an IV in to give him glucose. Sounds very scary @countrygirl99. Don't worry the paramedics and Police will have dealt with situations like this before and will look after him.

I'm so sorry @countrygirl99
That's so frightening for you.
As you undoubtedly know, many patients get very combative when having a hypo, and possibly your husband also has an infection going on in the background. Has he got a libre?