Cockroach cafe Winter 2025

[GnomeDePlume]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/elderly_parents/5360173-cockroach-cafe-summer-2026?page=39&reply=147870717

Here we go. I think we are going to need this

Omg. I'm stressed just reading that! 😬
Hope it all gets sorted x

@GnomeDePlume interested in hearing more re the LPA. I will admit there have been several times I have wanted out of the LPA and my DH has encouraged me. I have not done so but I am so frustrated at the fact my mother is deemed to have capacity, made a huge song and dance about me setting the LPAs up including telling me ‘I’ll just go along with whatever you think is best’ and then proceeded to refuse to do anything suggested to make life easier.

Is there a reason your brother wants to disclaim? Does it mean the LPA is null and void? Sorry if you have already explained I have tried to read back and see if you have.

@BlueLegume DB & I are joint attorneys for Finance (joint and severally for health). As joint attorneys, if one disclaims then the finance LPA will be voided.

DB is finding the whole thing with DM really stressful. She has dementia and is becoming increasingly difficult to manage. She is in a care home thankfully. DB visits multiple times per week.

He has been managing DM's finances unofficially. With DM's dx we need to formalise things. I had thought that with him disclaiming that I would then be able to manage things but not so.

For me to manage things I will need to go to the Court of Protection and be appointed as a deputy.

I’m raging. I’ve been told by useless sister that if I can’t commit to being at mums beck and call then I need to find someone who can. I’m out with my three children for the first time in a year and have been told this tonight because I can’t drop them and get a train and a taxi to sort something out for mum. The children aren’t behaving that well either 😩 I’ve told her to find someone else if she’s not happy. I’m a carer yes, not not 24/7. That’s a care home and she doesn’t need a care home.

@GnomeDePlumearse is all I can say, @Dormitdouble arse to your ghastly relatives

Tolerable visit today. Managed to get DF to relinquish the car keys with only a modicum of subterfuge. Unfortunately now I seem to be taxi service on top of everything else, I now need to factor in an extra hour for each visit oh and to give their car a “run” so the batteries don’t run down. DF advised that one of the carers had thrown out the more elderly items in the fridge and to be fair it didn’t look as bad as usual. DF less confused than I have seen him recently- maybe it was his insulin out of kilter that was making him so much worse.

DM can hardly speak now and mostly communicates by writing. I was wondering if I should get one of those Amazon button pressing things for her but they seem to only do very basic communication. Anyone any experience of this or recommendations please?

Commiserations for everyone having an arse day. I had to laugh this afternoon. Had a strop with goldenballs the other week because he wanted me to do something that would take a day that I had already done once but it looked like someone else has ballsed up and he wasn't prepared to phone and chase. I couldn't because not POA. Turns out it only needed him to phone and complain for it all to be sorted and they've given compensation.

@GnomeDePlume what would have happened if your DB had died or lost capacity himself? Not that you can go around whacking people on the head for our own convenience, apparently that's illegal and immoral.

BP is ok but my skin picking, yeah. Not at its best.

Good news tho - went down today and while I was there, someone rang to ask if she would like to come to a lunch they were doing, so she could meet people.
YES!!! I said, YES SHE DOES
She couldn't really say no then!

She is also apparently booked into the main care company's Xmas Eve lunch. Hmm, I may ring them up to make doubly sure....

I have put up Xmas decorations, planned Xmas Day lunch with her. She was quite engaged and zipped about the house with her walker. No sign of the Xmas tree (DH and I both even braved the loft) so she'll have to order one if she wants one, but there are lights and decorations up now, so I think it's good enough either way.

The lunchtime carer was making her an omelette (mushrooms, cheese and tomato) as I came in - great stuff! and was all eaten.

The carer said she could come in and batch cook for her. THAT SOUNDS A GREAT IDEA I said. The carer reminded me of my Mum, great cook and did what the heck she liked.
I may see if I can get my relative to follow up on that, as she's not keen on the ready meals (...the ones she selects and orders(!)) and is having trouble with leg ulcers not healing, - I can't help thinking that more protein couldn't hurt. Like Chef Carer's tasty cheese omelettes.

Anyway hopefully she's going to be ok until Xmas Day.
Feel so much better at the prospect of her getting out a bit and things being on a more stable footing.

Mum has said she’ll sort out my sister who is out with my other sibling tonight having fun. Other sibling has one down from Scotland to visit and stays with my sister every time so they are all out together having fun. Other sibling is visiting mum tomorrow and can sort out the issue from today. I’ve already been there today and taken her to an appointment. Then my Ds had an inset day so I promised him and his sisters a trip to do a Christmas activity and dinner. We’ve not been together to do anything for a year so I wasn’t going to abandon it to get the train then a taxi to mum’s just because sister’s night out was more important. She was with other sibling a couple of weeks ago at theirs. It’s probably easy to see why I have nothing to do with them.

Chef carer sounds amazing! I wish mum’s were as good. Instead today mum asked her twice to tidy the kitchen and she left it in a mess. Sibling will see the mess tomorrow and might understand my frustration.

@MysterOfwomanY I think, if DB (or I) is unavailable to be an attorney through whatever means, if the LPA is joint (rather than joint or severally) then it becomes void.

Which means that it is all too easy for an LPA to be a waste of money.

FIL is really quite poorly, DH and BIL going down early today. FIL absolutely refusing to go to hospital and has been refusing food. Understands that he could die if he stays at home (he absolutely has capacity to make this decision, he is sharp as a tack). There will have to be nursing level care at home arranged quickly. Going to make sure that DH packs for more than the weekend as they could be there for more than the weekend. All so very sad. Before his rapid decline this year FIL was a fun grandfather and a kind and welcoming father in law who was a very interesting conversationalist and passionate about the arts and making the world a better place. And he loves his sons and always supported them in whatever they do. He is really missing MIL who died over ten years ago (we miss her very much too). Old age is brutal.

@Mumbles12 shit.
@GnomeDePlume also, shit.

@Mumbles12that sounds so hard for everyone but it also sounds like FIL is making a conscious choice which is so brave of him.

@Mumbles12 it's hard anytime of year but it always seems especially cruel when it seems like everyone else is having a jolly time.

to everyone. My Talk Talk trials and tribulations have been infuriating but not as harrowing as some here. DPs phone now working again, after 5 days of phone calls and web chats and complaining.

@rookiemere what area is she in, roughly? There are specialist NHS high tech communication speech therapy services that do cover the whole country but usually you need a speech therapist on the go to support introducing the device. Waiting lists can be awful, is there any chance of having a private therapist do an assessment?

Morning all.
@Mumbles12 that’s so hard, I’m sorry.

My brother asks when I speak to him how the LPA is going with the other attorney and me. I have to explain every time that they are not in use because mum has capacity. Apart from forgetting her banking app code sometimes she’s fine with finances. She has full capacity up make decisions on everything although looks to me to help her decide things. If I wasn’t there she’d be able to decide for herself.
I’ll be interested to see what the golden one makes of things today. Not that I’ll find out unless it gets communicated to the brother I speak to and he tells me.
This week my Ds has been unwell and his autism has been very pronounced. He spent a lot of our trip out hiding under his coat totally overwhelmed. My eldest was overwhelmed and extremely anxious and kept upsetting Ds. Middle one just wanted to tell me about her exams but her sister and brother were taking all of my attention then both girls were squabbling about their fuckwit father. I’m there thinking how much I’d been looking forward to it and how stressful it was and wondering how on earth we are going to go on holiday together at half term if they can’t all sit in Starbucks together. They all have ASD and ADHD although the middle one won’t entertain assessment. It’s obvious to us all though. Then the shit with my mum and sister started. It’s interesting how my sister thinks I don’t get to have a life. She’s the eldest and I’m the youngest and the one closest to mum which she resents. She’s makes very little effort with mum though whereas I’ve always spent a lot of time with her. When I was married we used to take her out for lunch. When my dad died we became even closer. My husband fucked off with another woman the night after my dad died so we’d both lost our husbands and we supported each other. Mum hates that her children don’t get on, apart from two of them, and wishes we’d make up but no chance in hell do I want them in my life. My mental health improved when I went NC. Such a mumsnet thing to do but they brought nothing but misery to my life with their judgements and criticisms from around age 12. I was blamed for my parents’ marriage problems and my mum’s health issues. I’ve been told I’ll be the death of her more times than I can remember since being a teenager. Utter toxic family who insist that I’m the problem. I’m the problem but I’m the one they expect to look after their mum and sister. Fuckers.
I feel better for a good moan!
I hope everyone has a relatively peaceful weekend. We are supposed to be prepping for Christmas by cleaning and tidying but I’m full of a cold and feeling rather rubbish.

@dormit
Wow. Your siblings are dreadful 😡
As are mine!
I'm very LC with mine.
They only ever contact me if they have a problem or want money.
Neither of which they now receive.
The anger and hurt has reduced over the years...now I just feel...nothing.

Thanks all for the kind words. We'll plod along here. Not worrying about Christmas this year, DC are old enough to understand.

@PermanentTemporarywe are in Scotland. DM is more or less bed bound so actually getting her to an appointment can be difficult as need to arrange an ambulance . I could try phoning her doctor again and see what they recommend. They certainly have the funds to go privately but have this mindset that the NHS should provide everything, but if going privately means a home visit I might be able to convince them.

@Mumbles12 that sounds awfully hard, I’m sorry you’re facing this.

@dormit the cleaning can wait. Put your feet up and rest.

@GnomeDePlume i hope you find a way through. As if it’s not all difficult enough as it is…

I’ll put my feet up for a couple of hours once I’ve got some jobs done. It’s my daughter's birthday soon and the Christmas things are always up before then so I need to get cracking.

Ds and I are building Lego and watching Hone Alone and have ordered pizza. DS’s bedroom floor is clear now and I’ve got rid of lots of rubbish so feel better. I suspect mum’s “not feeling well at all” is more a psychological issue. She’s got an appointment with psychology next week and I do hope they can help her. I’ve told her to phone the silver line when she’s feeling panicked.
I hope everyone is managing some rest this weekend.

Its that time of year again. We hear nothing from BIL and SIL all year about how PILs are but now I've had several messages asking for detailed information about clothing sizes. No we are not taking a tape measure into the care home so you can finish your Christmas shopping.

We've been too busy dealing with MILs suicide threats so don't have time to worry about Christmas shopping and yes BIL does know how difficult she's being.

My Mil does that as well , last time ( 3 weeks ago ) on the phone as we do not live near her , I just said , Ah ok and carried on talking . She's not phoned since so I think that upset her ! ( I do know she is ok as seen by sil )