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Elderly parents

But you’re my carer!

213 replies

Dormit · 17/08/2025 17:47

How do you respond to this? I’m just back off holiday and my mum has asked me to go up (a 30 min walk uphill-I don’t drive) to make her a cup of tea because she’s upset and a bit shakey. When I said no, I got the but you’re my carer retort as though that means drop everything and do what she wants. She’s quite capable of making a cup of tea and food. Hospital has just discharged her and deemed her medically fit and safe and she’s just been on holiday. I’ve explained I’m cooking dinner for my children and can’t get up for a couple of hours. I’ve not had lunch yet today due to being on the phone with her and the hospital and messaging family who have only given me grief. I’ve just come back off a week holiday and feel like I wasn’t supposed to have any time off. Family are saying I shouldn’t take any money for what I do for her (£2 an hour). I’m her official carer and barely get time to eat lunch on days I am there (4-6 days depending) and yet family (who do fuck all) are saying it’s only what any daughter would do. I put in around 40 hours a week and am on call constantly. I do her shopping, gardening, cleaning, cooking, banking and all admin, hospital and GP appointments, transport booking, holiday booking, gift and card buying, DIY, liaising with all professionals and lots and lots of emotional support. I was exhausted and needed that week away and have come back to being told by family that I abandoned her. I organised carers to be there in the days that I wasn’t and she told me she wouldn’t need carers today so I cancelled them. I’m so pissed off.

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the5thgoldengirl · 01/09/2025 20:59

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Dormit · 02/09/2025 11:10

I’ve had a good chat to mum this morning who sounds really bright and cheerful considering she’s in hospital. My sister only gave her one pair of knickers and mismatched pjs so I’ve said I’ll take her things in tomorrow.
I’ve update my UC claim with my fit note and medical information and said I’m applying for PIP so that’s all in hand. I’ve told mum the GP has signed me off for 2 months and she asked how I can be signed off when I don’t work 😩

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Dormit · 02/09/2025 11:14

Oh and my sister has said her DDs will be relieved not to do mum’s cleaning!

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the5thgoldengirl · 02/09/2025 11:18

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the5thgoldengirl · 02/09/2025 12:53

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Dormit · 02/09/2025 16:18

Even better-she tells me she’s been measured for a zimmer frame. WTF for?? Nobody thought to give her her rollator 🙄 Im her house now and the two rooms that were supposedly cleaned the other day must have just been threatened with cleaning products.

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the5thgoldengirl · 02/09/2025 16:29

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the5thgoldengirl · 02/09/2025 16:40

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the5thgoldengirl · 02/09/2025 16:42

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Dormit · 02/09/2025 16:55

I didn’t see the post so I don’t know sorry.

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the5thgoldengirl · 02/09/2025 18:39

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Ohnobackagain · 02/09/2025 19:10

@Dormit please don’t get sucked back in to cleaning? You are enabling it all every time ‘oh that’s not good enough, I could do better’ yes, very probably but - not your job. You seem to be picking up more things to do. Every time you do that, you allow others to leave things knowing you will pick them up.

Kindly, you need to break out of the cycle.

Dormit · 02/09/2025 20:17

The cleaning company is coming on Friday to give a quote.
Mum was in great spirits tonight which was lovely to see. She’s not ill so now she’s got company and the relief of having meals brought to her she’s feeling more relaxed. She’s not allowed to mobilise without a member of staff such is the risk of paralysis if she falls. We knew the risk behind but the consultant is being very strict due to how critical her condition is.
im feeling more relaxed too and much happier. I’m sleeping better too the last few nights. Thank you all for your help.

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