Cockroach cafe Summer 2025

[BestIsWest]

Welcome in to the Cockroach Café Bad Daughters’ Room, the rugs and cushions all fresh and clean for the new season.
Good daughters, find your way to the small room behind the stairs. Sorry it’s not as equipped as here, but it doesn’t get much use.
Come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through. The way MN works, hopefully this thread won’t appear in any featured lists, and the only people wandering in will be those who understand what it’s all about.
If you have a BIG question, it might be worth giving it its own thread, so as not to swamp this one.
For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. My recent enquiries suggested more people wanted to keep the well known name than wanted to change it to something more savoury, so for the moment it stays.

@BestIsWest I know what you mean about the letters. Luckily mum has a huge pile of "stuff", leaflets, umpteen copies of damart etc brochures from the Sunday paper, letters and I have a look through the top of the pile each time I visit to see if there is anything that needs attention. If I can do it without her seeing I get rid of some of the brochures but woe betide me if I get caught disposing of something she has 4 or 5 copies of.

That is annoying @countrygirl99 that he wants to moan, but won't relinquish control. Yes you would need to set your Mum up on the NHS app with her own account that you know the login details for and then order meds to your local pharmacy or for delivery to you.

I spoke too soon about Welsh Water. They have sorted things! Well done to them.

We've been asked to go and look at 2 nursing homes, so looks like they're sticking to the too expensive with the one the hospital sent him to (at the time giving us no other options)

Hello to everyone! I was directed to this thread from people on some of my other threads on this section of Mumsnet.

I've arranged this morning to go and help my mum sort out a tricky kitchen cupboard tomorrow. I'm trying not to mildly dread it because I am no good at doing that sort of thing because I'm so indecisive. Although, tbh, I think it's because I dislike that kind of job at my house, hopefully my mum will be more decisive. The irony is that this is the sort of job my sister absolutely loves to do because she's a complete weirdo but she has been away and not been asked. I've always found it rather convenient that my sister puts the time in to do this for mum; she's quite bossy and will insist persuade my mum to get rid of lots of stuff. I prefer to be the dogsbody who drives people to appointments, takes stuff to the dump etc etc. No decisions required.

I put it down to me probably being adhd. Funnily enough dd is definitely adhd and absolutely loves clearing out cupboards etc and does it here. Absolutely ruthless she is! Might try to persuade her to come down with me if she's not too knackered after her volunteering session!

Good luck @tobee. I love cleaning out a cupboard- once I get started that is and usually I dant half way through. ( I typed that then and realised it’s probably not an English word but one of DMs welshisms - to dant - i.e. to get fed up half way through).

Am I allowed to report good news? We managed to get my elderly relative out for a while day, including a ferry trip, successfully. (Although we did accidentally run off with her cardie). And she is starting to look at the list of lunch clubs etc that the wonderful lady from Elderly Mental Health gave her. Have now sent her a link for cruises for the disabled.
I may be a beneficiary in the will but if I can get her to spend it all, or enough, I won't have to faff with IHT when I'm the executor - not my main motivation, but a bonus!

Although it can be a bugger being the only relative within reach, believe me, I do count my blessings that everyone else is far enough away (in at least one case, 100% NC) that there's never so much as a PEEP from the rest of them on the lines of, "but can't you.. why don't you.... wouldn't it help if...".

@Dormit good grief, a few hundred years ago the blooming King had long hair. "I love you mother but you're being ridiculous!" I'm so sorry it's all one thing after another. John Wick movies or similar nonsense can be very cathartic!

Maybe a Haynes Manual about weaponised incompetence or how to look like you are while not helping much if at all…?

Really bad news today. Not elderly parent but DH's nephew, who is still in a bad way after surgery last week, got his biopsy results today. Couple of years probably. Young family. Shit.

@countrygirl99 that's really rubbish news, I’m so sorry for you all. It’s truly awful for your family.

Thanks @SockFluffInTheBath. It wasn't entirely unexpected after the surgery as they couldn't remove much of the tumour but we were hoping it wasn't the worst kind and it is.

So sorry @countrygirl99 that's awful.

@countrygirl99 I’m so very sorry.

@countrygirl99I’m so sorry, what terrible news.

@countrygirl99 I’m sorry. So unfair.

Terrible news Countrygirl.

@countrygirl99 so sorry, it is so unfair when someone with their whole life ahead of them is given such sad news.

Winston's Wish are really helpful at providing support to children and young people going through this so might be worth mentioning to the family when you feel they are ready.

winstonswish.org/

Thanks for the kind messages everyone. I'm finding it very hard to concentrate on anything today so god knows how his parents and wife are coping. I think your imagination will only left you touch the sides of what this must feel like for them or you'd implode. I'll mention Winston 's Wish to them.

@countrygirl99I'm so sorry

The incompetence continues here with the bins all mixed up still. The carers did t report that the morphine has almost run out so I’m running round trying to get that this afternoon. Best of all an unqualified idiot has been advising mum on when to take medication against the prescription and detailed instructions from me. So mum is totally confused again about what to take when l. I’m so angry.

@countrygirl99 shit indeed.

And the bitter thing is, five? Years from now, it might be one of the things there's a cure for. So much is being developed but they can only go so fast. So sorry. Poor lad.

Dormit, that agency seem to be irredeemably shit. Might be worth trying another one. Less hassle in the long run.

@MysterOfwomanYwe are thinking of ways to manage without them. Mum has said that she doesn’t want them doing medication anymore because they are just confusing her. An email from the manager tried saying that she’s more confused doing it herself. Yes, because your carers are giving her advice that they aren’t qualified to give. I was told my tone was off by the director in my email to him earlier to pull them up about the bins again. I’ve lost count of the emails about the bins now and they had a meeting about them last week plus he’s spoken to them all about it individually but still they can’t get it right and there’s no less than 3 notices in the kitchen saying what goes where. It’s not a big kitchen. I think reverting to the travel kettle by the bed, danish pastry type things by the bed for morning until she’s able to get moving for her breakfast will work well again. She’s going to have to think of ways to do things differently so that she can be more independent. The physio is saying she needs to move more and is seeing her weekly. Private of course. She has an MRI scan on Sunday ordered by the spinal xx consultant. She’s much better mentally and emotionally and coping better and so am I so a new plan will go in place. Dd is going to go once a week for dinner and visit and I’ve said she needs a Ninja to make cooking easier and at the right height. It’s the pain that’s stopping her, nothing else.

I just feel like if I don’t do things or organise things then nothing is right. Leaving her to run out of morphine over the weekend was a real low point. Not one ounce of initiative to report they it’s running out and check more has been ordered. Just left to run out. Fucking incompetence.

Agree with this. If you’re self-funding you don’t have to go with SS choice/recommendation.

Thank you everyone for your kind support. Sorry I haven't replied, I work in a school so end of term madness. I've only had the chance to sit down and post because my teenager is back in hospital with whatever they thought they've solved by removing the appendix last time hadn't worked. It's just really difficult, next week I'm looking after my end of life care Dad and my teenager in hospital. My husband means well but he is absolutely fucking useless. I can't begrudge him, he lost his mum as a teenager after horrific cancer treatment and understandably doesn't really cope with hospital settings. Sorry for just putting everything out there. I'm going to change my name having literally put everything out there