Page 12 | Disturbing finds in house clearance

Lockedboxed · 2024-12-04T22:44:06+00:00

Clearing a hoarder’s house is not fun at all but the most disturbing find was locked boxes of all manner of books and sex toys. You really would never have thought it. Never felt unsafe with the owner (until their diagnosis of dementia, but meds keep them calm now). I can’t unsee it (and I’m trying to be open minded about consenting adults). I think it might help if anyone has solidarity from their own upsetting finds, to make me feel less alone. Please tell me this isn’t the only time this has happened. (Regular poster but name changed for this as combined my posts would be outing).

TheGander · 05/12/2024 14:58

Gloriia · 05/12/2024 13:40

Yes I understand assistance may have been required but I'd have stuck to the general living areas and respected his privacy a bit. It is good that you didn't take any adult content to the tip but it shouldn't have even been a consideration.
People are allowed to do whatever they like regarding their sexuality as long as legal obviously. Why was finding this private stuff a low point?

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I really don’t feel I should have to justify myself but here goes. I don’t know if you’ve ever cleared a hoarded house, but to give some idea, this was also our late fathers house, also a hoarder, who died of dementia. The floorboards in my brothers room were collapsing in places. Re the pornography, I don’t think many siblings want that level of insight into each others sexual kinks. But maybe that’s just me. I hope that answers your questions and it’s the last I’ll say on the matter.

Belshels · 05/12/2024 14:59

Thanks for all the responses to my comment about my dad and the rubber fetish thing (ie sticking photos of my mums head over the magazine pics🙈)
I hadn't thought of it as sweet and wholesome, and "true love" but it's definitely a better way for me to think of it😆. I won't be quite so cringed out now! xx

Superworm24 · 05/12/2024 15:54

colesr · 05/12/2024 13:03

I can't see the connection between sex toys and OP 'never feeling unsafe' with the owner.

They had dementia, so I assume they didn't always recognise the OP as being a relative and people with dementia can behave quite oddly and violently.

colesr · 05/12/2024 16:37

@Superworm24

They had dementia, so I assume they didn't always recognise the OP as being a relative and people with dementia can behave quite oddly and violently.

That's nothing to do with the sex toys though.

I understand dementia, I don't understand OP saying they found sex toys but have never felt unsafe with said relative.

WoolySnail · 05/12/2024 17:18

TheGander · 05/12/2024 14:58

I really don’t feel I should have to justify myself but here goes. I don’t know if you’ve ever cleared a hoarded house, but to give some idea, this was also our late fathers house, also a hoarder, who died of dementia. The floorboards in my brothers room were collapsing in places. Re the pornography, I don’t think many siblings want that level of insight into each others sexual kinks. But maybe that’s just me. I hope that answers your questions and it’s the last I’ll say on the matter.

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I would have thought that was obvious so not sure why other posters can't see the possibility. I know my parents and in-laws had sex in order to create me and my DH, but it doesn't mean I want to see their lingerie sets and sex toys (if they have them!)🫣

Fartughtyred · 05/12/2024 17:31

HarrietSchulenberg · 04/12/2024 23:38

My dad went into his parents' loft to clear things out after they'd died. He climbed the ladder, lifted the loft hatch, shone a torch inside and nearly passed out when he saw a face staring back at him, glassy eyed and mouth agape. It was a blown up sex doll that my adult cousin, who had lived there recently, had stashed away to "enjoy" while his grandparents were out.
She was not alone up there, in fact ahe had quite a few companions in various states of deflation.
This cued much debate about whether to hand the little vinyl harem back to my cousin and, if so, whether to fully deflate them and hand him a box, or to pump them all up, put some frocks on them and send them round to his new house in a taxi. I thought the application of some hot chilli paste into their orifices beforehand would spice things up a bit more for him.
In the end Dad and his brother decided that this little ready made party would be too thrilling so they popped 'em and put 'em in the bin.
I still think it was a wasted opportunity.

I'm crying here 😂😂😂😂😂

Gloriia · 05/12/2024 17:35

TheGander · 05/12/2024 14:58

I really don’t feel I should have to justify myself but here goes. I don’t know if you’ve ever cleared a hoarded house, but to give some idea, this was also our late fathers house, also a hoarder, who died of dementia. The floorboards in my brothers room were collapsing in places. Re the pornography, I don’t think many siblings want that level of insight into each others sexual kinks. But maybe that’s just me. I hope that answers your questions and it’s the last I’ll say on the matter.

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Of course no one wants that level of insight into our relatives sexuality, it is tmi and embarrassing but it isn't anything shameful and there is an undertone of disgust throughout this thread.

I'm sure the people who are having their privacy invaded would feel just as uncomfortable knowing what people were rifling through.

Absolutely fine not to say anything further on the matter just for your own sanity try and lose the disgust and just be vaguely embarrassed if anything.

Wishitwasstraightforward · 05/12/2024 19:47

Oh @Lockedboxed whilst I don't think anything legal should be a source of shame I can understand why this has made you feel intensely uncomfortable to the point of a sense of being unsafe.

I think that a healthy sex life, toys, kinks etc etc is absolutely ok for everyone. However, thinking of your relative in this context can be extremely difficult and uncomfortable to the point of revulsion. It's a part of being human and respecting boundaries (including incest) to feel like this around sexual behaviour of relatives.

So it's entirely normal to feel so uncomfortable, verging on unsafe, but please consider that in reality your relative has done nothing wrong, nothing abnormal, nothing unsafe.

Wishitwasstraightforward · 05/12/2024 19:49

TheGander · 05/12/2024 12:10

I agree @YellowAsteroid I think it’s a question of degrees. It’s one thing finding your late mothers vibrator, it’s another finding a male relative’s bondage gear, butt plugs etc especially if it was your father, which would make you question his sexuality ( it would me). I had the very unenviable task of clearing my hoarder brothers home while he was sectioned, I was knee deep in rubble, books, photos, history magazines ( if he had one book about the Algerian war he had 200) electrical cords and other random shit, then I found his porn stash, that was a low point, I refrained from taking it to the tip as I had to accept he had the right to use porn.

Edited

FWIW none of this would make me question a man's sexuality. Many straight men and women enjoy butt plugs etc..

TheGander · 05/12/2024 19:54

I stand corrected! Asked DH about this and he said he didn’t think straight men would be into it, but he’s not an authority on sex toys.

TheGander · 05/12/2024 19:55

I guess it’s a prostate stimulation thing.

HoppityBun · 05/12/2024 19:59

Cyclebabble · 05/12/2024 12:50

My eldest son helped me clear my dad's house when he died. My DS was 19 at the time. In the kitchen there was a pine dresser with best plates in. On top of this dresser we found, slowly but surely fourteen opened packets of viagra. My dad had a new GF after my mum died, but both were in there 80s. DS found this to be hilarious. It gave him a more positive view of his grandad who he now describes as a legend.

That’s brilliant!

Icanttakethisanymore · 05/12/2024 20:29

Hobbesmanc · 04/12/2024 22:50

Surely one of the last few things we do for those we've loved who died (or lost mental capacity) is tidy up their life with dignity. No body wants to imagine parents sex lives anymore than they want to go through their other intimate stuff. We all have things in the wardrobe or bathroom cabinet we would chose to share.

Don't judge someone cos they maybe used to have a few kinks

I found sex toys and I also found out my dad cheated on my mum. I’ll never tell her. Do I feel differently about him? Not really but that’s probably because I didn’t feel that much about him to start off with.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 05/12/2024 22:57

uptheculdesac · 05/12/2024 00:46

Of course you open locked boxes. What do you suggest? Just thrown them out? Potentially throw out precious jewellery or stock bonds?

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You can tell that I have neither expensive jewellery nor stock bonds. It honestly wouldn't have occurred to me to lock away anything other than sex toys.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 05/12/2024 23:05

AConstipatedAccountantJustCantBudget · 05/12/2024 01:35

What, so that all of the auctioneers can get together and have a mass debate to ascertain their value?!

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😂 I see what you did there.

Kittylickingplate · 06/12/2024 02:19

To all you judgey people, have you worked in an Aged Care home?
Some of the older people can get quite physical and I was groped more than once by several gentleman. There was one chap I was very scared of and made the male nurse take him to the lavvy.

I get what you are saying OP. You were startled by what you saw. Really enjoying the fun (and poignant stories) you negative Nellies can go boil your heads!

Original poster

Lockedboxed · 06/12/2024 13:36

BackOnTheAntibiotics · 05/12/2024 09:16

I had a tenant move out and she left loads of crap behind.

She had a boyfriend called Tim who she dumped and went out with Tom except that at some point she must have made a cast of Tim's cock as I was expected to dispose of the kit with the casting material and the compound used to make the dildo from same as well as the finished article!

I know it was Tim's cock as someone had written his name in the compound before it had fully set.

Having seen what I did that day, I think she was a fool to have dumped Tim but maybe she had a dozen of these things and poor old Tim didn't make the cut?

I doubled bagged that and a lot more besides. I didn't want that lot spilling out all over the road on bin day.

Great story and a helpful cautionary tale for landlords!

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Uricon2 · 06/12/2024 14:31

Kittylickingplate · 06/12/2024 02:19

To all you judgey people, have you worked in an Aged Care home?
Some of the older people can get quite physical and I was groped more than once by several gentleman. There was one chap I was very scared of and made the male nurse take him to the lavvy.

I get what you are saying OP. You were startled by what you saw. Really enjoying the fun (and poignant stories) you negative Nellies can go boil your heads!

Rather different to people ahving sex toys for their own use, in their own home.

Original poster

Lockedboxed · 06/12/2024 17:41

@TheGander thank you, I felt solidarity with hoarded over generations house and I know exactly where you’re coming from.

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Original poster

Lockedboxed · 06/12/2024 17:49

@Kittylickingplate yes to enjoying the stories - and I think some posters have limited or no experienced a) the trauma of house clearance or b) the little griefs along the way of dementia.

This thread is in elderly parents and was certainly not judgy of people using (or cleaning 😂) sex toys. It was about the discoveries that shock or disturb you. I’ve also said already that I posted to understand if I was being ridiculous and it happens all the time, which is seems it does!

@AConstipatedAccountantJustCantBudget wins the thread - even funnier if you’ve spent months dealing with auctioneers, like I’ve had to!

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Original poster

Lockedboxed · 06/12/2024 17:54

Whenim63 · 05/12/2024 06:41

We found £20k cash hidden in the airing cupboard of a house we were working on. Lovely lady who lived there was a widow. Apparently her DH had always told her he had “a bit put by” but he’d died suddenly and she could never find it. She cried when we gave it to her and tried to give me a tenner 🤣🤣 I said no!

Lovely story, thank you. If only there had been cash to find here. Maybe I’ll stash something great for my DC to discover - but less stuff is the greatest gift.

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WearyAuldWumman · 06/12/2024 17:58

Lockedboxed · 06/12/2024 17:49

@Kittylickingplate yes to enjoying the stories - and I think some posters have limited or no experienced a) the trauma of house clearance or b) the little griefs along the way of dementia.

This thread is in elderly parents and was certainly not judgy of people using (or cleaning 😂) sex toys. It was about the discoveries that shock or disturb you. I’ve also said already that I posted to understand if I was being ridiculous and it happens all the time, which is seems it does!

@AConstipatedAccountantJustCantBudget wins the thread - even funnier if you’ve spent months dealing with auctioneers, like I’ve had to!

I have an elderly friend who has fallen out with me because - among other things - I've refused to be her executor.

I was executor for my parents and had to clear their house. I've only recently got my spare room back from all the boxes in it...

Dh died 4 yrs ago. I was his executor and I'm still dealing with items he inherited from his parents.

There is no way I'm dealing with the friend's house. My own house is full of stuff the now as I'm still sorting through things but her place...

You literally cannot see the walls in her living room. She has shelving hanging from the ceiling.

My kitchen surfaces are cluttered. (I'm dealing with it - honestly!) However, her kitchen surfaces are cluttered with items which have nothing to do with the kitchen. Her hallway is lined with shelves adorned with random memorabilia.

I've lost count of the cushions in her living room. They appear to covered with brooches from QVC. The last time I visited, she cleared a space on the floor for a cushion for me.

So far as I'm aware, her bedroom is crammed full. Her bath is full of various items.

She's in an upstairs flat with an internal staircase from the outside door to her hallway. There are items - books, ornaments, God knows what - on every single step. I believe that the attic is full.

There is no way that I'm going to be responsible for clearing out that place. I've tried to help her by doing tip runs. The more I take away, the more she buys over the internet.

I can't do it.

PS She also has a cat and the place is full of cat associated toys and other items.

TheGander · 06/12/2024 18:02

Well done for saying no @WearyAuldWumman . It’s extraordinary how blind hoarders can be to the way others perceive their space.

Original poster

Lockedboxed · 06/12/2024 18:02

@Shodan love the my eyes, my eyes 😂

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OVienna · 06/12/2024 18:05