Resentment of what parents did with their inheritance has wrecked our relationship

[MalePoster9000]

Parents are late 70s. I’m mid-40s.

I could go into details but it might be outing.

Anyway my mother always says “family is everything” but this has really not been reflected in any decisions / actions she and my father took with all that they inherited and didn’t need from the generation above them.

Anyone experience anything similar?

Oh my goodness, your update makes you sound quite entitled. Buy a flat so you could live in it!

So you wanted your parents to give you a house but not your brother? They are right to keep things equal. You do not deserve to inherit more because you aren’t as successful. Your entitlement is astounding. Maybe you should have worked harder and become more successful yourself. You’re responsible for your own life

Why would your parents have consulted you on their financial decisions and property buying/selling? That's nothing to do with you.

What an odd post! 33% sounds right to me. Why shouldn't they leave some of their money to their GCs!

Jesus Christ. I am absolutely staggered by the level of entitlement.
Partial deafness and some anxiety is hardly stopping you from success.

Suspect your parents feel you are a bit of a needy brat and would like you to stand on your own feet rather than sponging.

The thing is they live somewhere that suits only them. Unlike the town centre properties they sold off which had mass appeal.

I’m learning to drive at the moment - in my mid-40s - as it’s impossible to reliably get anywhere by public transport from their village. Even so I’m not sure if I’d be safe driving with my anxiety and deafness.

My dad's father died at 47. His mum remarried but unfortunately died 2 years later still in her 40s. My dad was 21.There was no will so my dad got nothing as his stepfather inherited the lot and refused to part with any of it.

Stop moaning OP.

My mother inherited about £1m in 2002. I expect none of it to be left. She and step have lived very well. I don't have a problem with that - the money was left to mother and was mother's to spend.

That is shocking! Bloody hell

My mum left me a small sum when she died, suddenly, and before she was elderly.
I've still got my dad and can't imagine sitting wondering what he will or won't give me when he is dead. They didn't inherit a thing from their parents. My DH hasn't inherited a penny from his parents either, who died before he was 22.

It's shit having a dead parent and I genuinely couldn't care less what money is left when my lovely dad leaves us. I hope he spends all his hard earned money on enjoying his life.

Why the hell wouldn't they live somewhere that suits them! Rather than somewhere that suits their ADULT DD

Jeepers you are a delight op!

They inherited a half share of three town-centre and city suburb properties which they sold off unnecessarily in 2004 and 2014. These had been in the family since the 1920s and 1950s

This leapt out at me. Entirely up to your parents to keep / dispose of these properties, IMHO

Make it clear you’re after their money without saying you’re after their money…

You know your parents are individual human beings in their own right, don't you?

They are not people who need to facilitate your life in any way as an adult.

If you don't like their choices, then make your own!
There are far more disadvantaged people than yourself that live successfully by their own terms, you have a massive chip on your shoulder, no one owes you anything.

YABVVVVU here.

It is normal to leave equally to children and not adjust except in the case of significant care needs. You do not deserve more inheritance than your brother just because he's financially secure. You are equally your parents' children and no doubt equally loved.

Your nieces and nephews are not part of your brother, they are individuals in their own right with their own relationship to your parents. If you had children, they would have received their share of that third.

This may well cause a family rift but it will be because of your horrible attitude to your brother and his children, not because of your parents (very normal, very common) decisions about their finances.

Holy entitlement batman.

I suffer from severe anxiety and MS, that absolutely does not entitle me to a single penny of my parent's money. It's theirs. They can do with it as they wish. I hope they have an amazing retirement and spend every penny, why shouldn't they? It also doesn't give me a right to dictate how they spend their money or where they should fucking live so it's more convenient for me. Good god.

The fact that your brother has made something of his life while you've moped around waiting for your parents to buy you a flat in London or die so you can cash in doesn't mean he and his children should inherit less either.

Same here. DH’s parents, who were well off and very careful, made matching wills leaving their money first to each other and then mostly to be divided among their children.

But after the death of one parent (many years before the other), the surviving parent gave in to DH’s siblings who, though well-paid, were always asking for large sums of money. After the second parent died, there was little left except the house.

I’ve always felt luckier to have my generally loveable family and a very small inheritance, than DH who got a share of the money from the house sale but has horrible siblings.

If your parents had money, OP, it was absolutely their choice what to with it. Even if they put it all on a horse in the 3.30 at Ascot..... yup, still their choice!
Absolutely none of us (in England) has an automatic right to an inheritance from anyone else, so you might be well-advised to adjust your expectations. They owe you nothing.

Your choices are to be weighted down with resentment about this, or to move on.

No they didn't make the wisest use of what they got - but it can't be helped and things are what they are. Life is generally unfair and there is a surprising amount of solace in accepting that. The alternative is to spend your life moping about what could have been, and that's no good for anyone.

These threads never cease to amaze me at the unutterably entitled moaning because.... god forbid a parent is enjoying their retirement or a relative is blowing an inheritance. FFS it's their money, not yours. If you want better stuff, buy it yourself CF! No one is entitled to anyone else's money.

They actually first proposed a will leaving 33% to my well-paid and happily married brother and 33% to his children!

that was U and nasty, you don't reward children for having kids, but you are now inheriting 50% - totally fair. So no resentment needed anymore.

I’d have liked them to have kept hold of the properties they inherited, which there was no need to sell. Or to have bought a flat in London that I could have lived in.
insight is a wonderful thing... Coulda woulda shoulda... I am sure it would be nice to have parents who pay for everything in your life so you don't have to, but that's not really realistic. You are responsible for your own finances, let them deal with their own and stop being bitter - it's wasting your life.

The thing is having lived in London I came across plenty of people whose families did this sort of thing.

Never mind the guy I knew who bought a north London house out of his trust fund as I understand that’s another league.

But my old London landlord and his sibling were from an aspirational, money-making working class background. Their parents gifted them a property when they were in their mid-30s. They have now has 25 years of rental income from it, and will presumably pass this 7-figure asset on to the next generation.

My parents should have done the same (whether keeping hold of the properties with my uncle or passing them on) but didn’t. My uncle’s children also haven’t been able to get on the ladder.

Instead like another precious poster says, they’ve had lots of cruises, needless redecoration, and living the refined retired life.

My mother is first to talk about illustrious ancestors and bring out the old photo albums, but this has not been backed up by keeping hold of and growing what she was left.

I’m learning to drive at the moment - in my mid-40s - as it’s impossible to reliably get anywhere by public transport from their village. Even so I’m not sure if I’d be safe driving with my anxiety and deafness.

You've jumped shark with this belter OP 😂

Agree. This will be the same for us when the time comes. I always think about paying family money forwards. Partly this comes from experience.

My grandparents on dad's side left all their money (inherited and earned) to a charity as they fell out with rest of the family. They were the only ones with any money. I felt a little irked by this given what's happened and how much the money might have helped (chronic disability for me and a child with a lot of SEND) but it was theirs by law so...now I just find it mildly amusing. Every guide dog I see is my inheritance on 4 paws, and that's OK.

Dad died young and mum felt quite angry with grandparents as she felt the family money they inherited should be passed down (not to her, she's not fussed and has stood on her own two feet financially) to grandchildren and great grandchildren to make their lives that bit easier e.g. deposits for mortgages.

It does make me sad to see some of the older generation just having endless holidays and burning through cash which could have a real impact on day to day life for their descendants. Stepdad is like this. I know it's his money (mostly) and he earned it full time working for 30 years but I don't know, it just feels a bit selfish to not want to help your family.

I wouldn't expect anything while they are still alive as they might need it for care or whatever. I think there is a balance to be had.

Bloody hell, you have every right to be hurt and angry. Unfortunately, I have heard of similar stories. These women are vultures and their behaviour beggars belief. Wishing you peace, don't let this destroy you