Ageing parents -- what is 'normal'?

[Ippagoggy]

I'm mostly interested in hearing from people who have parents in the 65-75 age bracket (but any anecdotal advice regarding other ages would be interesting). Out of the following, at this age bracket, how many of these can/could your parents do:

1. cook a meal confidently
2. use a smart phone confidently to send emails, use facebook, send a text message.
3. book a flight for themselves online
4. deal with a customer service issue with, e.g. british gas, phone company, etc.
5. drive a car

Thanks

I'm 68 and can do all except drive a car as I never learnt! I struggle with housework though.

My parents are 63 so just before the age bracket and can do all of those better than me!

My dad's 82 and can do all that expect Facebook, he doesn't do social media, but if he had to he could use it.

Early 70s, my parents can do all the above, though my mother is having some issues with driving.

Most of my friends and I are in that age bracket, and yes we could do all, or at least most, of those things. I would imagine most people of that age could, although some won't be interested in sending emails and using facebook, but not because they can't do it. My DF up until his death at 89 could send a text, cook a meal and drive a car, but didn't have a computer. He never asked for help with dealing with customer serivce, lawyers etc. either.

My dad was 80 and would do all those things.

daily use of laptop and iPhone 7
sent photographs and attached photos

booked ferry crossings online not flights

drove in U.K. and abroad

cooked for himself, grandchildren and me. Though did lose interest in cooking, so eat out often

could deal with a customer service issue

OP what is going on with Parent #1? If they're only 66 (which is still working age!) but can't do most of the things on your list that's unusual unless they have a learning disability or have had a serious illness?

The real question is whether Parent 1 could do all these things previously or has always been happy to let other people step up? Or did Parent 1 have a partner who did this who has subsequently left/died? I think the point is that there's no average but at this age I'd say it's far more likely that either the person is used to other people doign things for them OR there is some significant mental deterioration that requires some interventin and review.

I am 66 and can't imagine why anyone of my age couldn't do all those things unless there was some major illness or cognitive disability.

In laws are 78 and 79 and can do all of that. They are very active, out every day, deal with tradesmen etc etc. Well my FIL would struggle to cook a meal but that is not new, he's never cooked a meal in his life.

My mum, who died with dementia at the age of 76, stopped being able to do any of that in her late 60s...started being less independent about 67 and went downhill quite rapidly.

Yes, I imagine that's what @Ippagoggy is trying to figure out

My mum is 67 and can do all of it.
My dad is 70 and can do all of it.
They both worked in white collar jobs per se.

My MIL is 72 and can't do any except maybe deal with someone on the phone
My FIL is 75 and can drive but struggles with computers/phones and stuff so we pick these things up for him.
They both worked in more manual roles (nursing/mechanic) so computers weren't part of their lives

Equally I know 70 year olds better than me on computers and doing marathons.

It's a tricky age bracket to compare.

My parents are 89 & 91 and until quite recently both could do all of those things. My mum unfortunately is beginning to struggle, but my dad (91) can still do all of them bar cook a decent meal (but he's always been like that, it's not age related!)

Do they have any infirmities? Arthritis in fingers makes cooking difficult, poor eyesight and hearing affects lots of interactions. Lots of medications can cause problems. Do they have children, grandchildren who kept them up to date with technology?

And 65 to 75 is quite a big gap, 65 is still young today, 75 definitely getting older. But state of health is so important to carrying on doing things.

I agree. I'm nearly 65 and work with people older than me who can do everything on your list with ease.

65?!
I'm 61, ran a half marathon last year and work 50 hrs in a Director level role.

My MIL is 80 and can do all of this.

This. I'm 61, head of a department, run two or three times a week and still have a 15yo at home. Dbruv is 69 and C level in a listed company.

65 isn't elderly, not in my world anyway 😂

I don't think anyone's saying it is. And some people will continue very sprightly until well into their 80s and 90s. But it remains true that a significant number of people don't. Talking to friends and others (I've done quite a lot of this recently), quite a lot of people report that parents have quite a sudden decline at some point in their 70s, whether before or after 75, when they suddenly seem 'old' - that's certainly been my experience. That's also around the age that my parents started to have friends die in significant numbers, rather than just the odd one who died very young in their 50s or 60s.

We live in a place of very old people. Plus have very elderly parents and neighbours. It's a very wide spectrum of abilities.

I have neighbours in their 80's who drive miles, go on holiday, all sorts of things.

Other people not so much and a Mil who probably could just about cook and gave up doing that 30 years ago....

DM late 70s can do 1,2,4,5

85 yr old Dad:

1. yes
2. yes
3. xx
4. yes
5. yes

i suspect he would be able to do 3 if his life depended on it. He just hasn’t had to. Any holidays he has been on have been organised by me

Both 78, both would do all of those things although haven't travelled abroad since covid due to health issues.

Dad is talking about visiting his brother in South Africa next Feb, and them both going to Tenerife in November.

They moved house in the Spring and had no issues health with that and the multitude of admin required afterwards.

I've got various relatives in/near that bracket (63-89). The youngest can do all 5 without question. The second youngest (65) doesn't like technology and refuses to fly for environmental but manages to book online trips all across Europe by train so can definitely do all 5. The third is 78 and again doesn't fly but again books other types of holidays online so can do all 5. The eldest is down 1 - using a smart phone. I don't know if you'd say she's confident but she can message, do online banking, do her grocery shopping and other online shopping. Her inability to do the others is purely physical - she's deaf so struggles with customer service over the phone and can't physically move well enough to leave the house/drive a car/cook a meal. She was driving til 80-something, cooking until maybe 2 years ago and the deafness has hit in the last 4 years on the customer service side.

I have a friend whose mum is only in her early 70s and she will drive and can definitely cook and can use Whatsapp, but won't do online banking or online shopping etc and honestly I regard that as just not having decided to try hard enough. Another friend's dad is in their mid sixties and they're still developing new businesses, traveling across the world etc. An acquaintance is in their 80s and is still traveling independently (with their wife though) across the world including even to places as far afield as India.

I definitely think I'd feel people needed to be working harder to learn how to do things if they weren't prepared to do anything on that list in that age bracket unless there were specific disabilities preventing it.

First of all that age group isn't old. NHS class over 75s as aging.

I'm approaching that age group and my partner is that age group. We could both do all those things as could all of our friends.