Ageing parents -- what is 'normal'?

[Ippagoggy]

I'm mostly interested in hearing from people who have parents in the 65-75 age bracket (but any anecdotal advice regarding other ages would be interesting). Out of the following, at this age bracket, how many of these can/could your parents do:

1. cook a meal confidently
2. use a smart phone confidently to send emails, use facebook, send a text message.
3. book a flight for themselves online
4. deal with a customer service issue with, e.g. british gas, phone company, etc.
5. drive a car

Thanks

In-laws are slightly above that age bracket and can do all of those things. FIL drove down through France quite recently by himself.

My own parents are slightly younger however have no issues either with any of those things. My own father is currently re-tiling their roof himself at the age of 69.

What I would say is that both my parents and in-laws had fairly active jobs before retirement, all have hobbies which keep them active (walking, Pilates, FIL golfs, MIL plays tennis and swims every day). They both have small-ish grandchildren whom they see regularly and take out/baby sit. They have always loved travel and have kept up with technology.

I have found a difference between my parents/in-laws vs friends parents, who had sedentary jobs, no hobbies or any interested, who retired and seemingly stopped engaging with the world, and suddenly seemed to age dramatically. Rather than having a new lease of life and time to do whatever they want, they've almost lost their purpose now they're not working.

I'm not stereotyping nor blaming retirement (your parent may have never worked for all I know) but this is just my experience.

If your parent was doing all of the things you listed before, and have suddenly ground to a halt without seemingly a reason, then I would be concerned that something else was going on.

Has this come on quite suddenly, or have they always been a bit like this?

Dad - 86, can do all those bar booking a flight. Hasn't flown for a good few years.
He can text, use fb, email. Doesn't use WhatsApp and avoids many other apps.

Mum 78 same. Can do online banking tho.

Stepdad 76. not sure, think mum does most of the admin. Can't drive or cook a meal anymore.

DF is 75. His partner cooks and always has. We communicate on WhatsApp, email. He uses a To Do list on his phone to manage his DIY projects. Doesn't have any trouble booking things though may need reminding but always has been like that. Deals with lots of tradespeople. Doesn't really like dealing with customer service type people, but just pays the bills via DD etc. No problem switching providers if needed. He worked for 50 years and only retired at 70. He had a stent fitted 2 years ago. Gets a bit tired in the evenings.

DM is 75 and works doing care work for 15 hours a week in evenings. Batch cooks etc. Hates the smart phone but does use one for an app for work. We do landline. She gets very stressed when something fails on her browser and is often willing to pay people extortionate amounts to fix basic things but usually figures it out eventually. Is ok with booking tickets, online research. Mainly just doesn't like spending money to upgrade tech. Gets quite irate dealing with the council and a bit pressured with sales people so tends to stick with the same companies for a long time while getting charged tonnes unless I change it for her in which case she is happy but totally forgets that I changed it for her.

Both are a little forgetful in their own ways. Very sharp though.

Dad - 75 does all of those plus DIY
Regularly drives from Manchester to Cornwall
Can FaceTime, does everything including banking online and uses Amazon a lot

I’m in the middle of that age range and can do all those things.

Mine was the same, very, very ‘elderly’ and couldn’t do anything for herself from about 60.

No alcoholism but learned helplessness, terminal disappointment with life and four daughters that she expected to look after her instead of getting medical/domestic help. Very difficult.

My parents are 76 and 71 and can do all of those except aren't on Facebook

PiL are 81 and 74 and can do most but aren't so great with the smart phones, and I'm not sure FiL has cooked a meal in the last few decades.

I'm in that age bracket and can not only do all those things but I can also reverse a trailer confidently and navigate using an OS Map.

84 and 85 and can do all except book a flight, probably because they have hardly ever flown and it doesn’t interest them to go abroad, not even when much younger. DM has given up driving recently but DF can still do this confidently. They are still very active and mobile and have always had lots of hobbies and participated in sports and they still do some gentle sports with people of a similar age.

Parent 1:

1. cook a meal confidently
2. Yes, could cook a complex meal for multiple people as well as ever could
3. use a smart phone confidently to send emails, use facebook, send a text message.
4. Yes, but have noticed they are a little more likely to fall for scams than they used to be
5. book a flight for themselves online
6. Yes, and is the person most likely to be booking them for everyone and organising everything
7. deal with a customer service issue with, e.g. british gas, phone company, etc.
8. Yes, easily
9. drive a car
10. Yes, one of the best drivers I know, very capable, very confident. Would happly drive 8+ hours over more difficult roads.

Parent 2:

1. cook a meal confidently
2. Yes, but a problem with tiredness and balance means this would exhaust them - and the pain means they do forget the odd ingredient
3. use a smart phone confidently to send emails, use facebook, send a text message.
4. Yes, is always using the phone
5. book a flight for themselves online
6. No, but probably never would have - would have always asked for help with this
7. deal with a customer service issue with, e.g. british gas, phone company, etc.
8. No, but never would have - has always hated it and got someone else to do it unless absolutely necessary. But capable of it, for sure - i.e. navigates complex medical calls and appointments and needs
9. drive a car
10. No, confidence to drive packed up about 20 years ago and they haven't driven since.

My dad is in his seventies and can do 1 and 5, he can use his phone to WhatsApp, web browse make calls but doesn't have any interest in social media and has no user for email, he has one and knows how to check it. 4 he can do if he calls but not wouldn't use web chat etc.
My mum late sixties can do all of those things with ease.

Dad 86 can do all those.

FIL 68 can drive (badly) he can send a photo but not order or deal with anything online. He sends a screenshot (not even a link!) if anything he needs from Amazon 😂 tbh it's laziness as he just has never bothered to learn and his sons (mainly BIL) enable him. He wouldn't cook either as that's for wimmen 😔

I'm amazed you're asking (and amazed at some of these answers)

My parents can do all these things and both run their own companies.

My mum's driving is getting worse but she was never brilliant - she's more anxious on the roads. But she'll still drive 3-4 hrs if needed for work

Mine are 77 and 78 and still doing all those things.

My mum is 61 so slightly younger but can do all of those things, may need some support with tech issues but last year booked and travelled to the US on her own.

In-laws and parents are all over 80 now. All of them cook confidently, all use smartphones perfectly happily. One can’t drive for medical reasons but until that happened all of them drove.

My in-laws are terrible at dealing with customer service but were just as bloody hopeless in their 40s. They also fall for every scam, identity theft or door to door salesman that comes their way. Again, always have. They also don’t travel by plane because they “have no need to be going abroad” (crazy people) but are fine with booking trains.

Parents get home from one holiday and immediately book the next, so clearly not an issue. Cost of medical insurance is starting to get prohibitive though.

My dad is 66 and can do all of those. Mom is 63 and can do some but not all but that's because she's deaf so calling about utilities obviously can't be done

Gosh.

I’m 65. I work, regularly drive 200+ motorway miles, use the internet and a smartphone/tablet daily. I’m a good cook and interested in it, too. None of this would give me a moment’s thought. DH is a few years older than me and the same (not as good at cooking, though!)

OP didn't say you were

My Mum ie 80 and can do all of that except book a flight as she's rubbish at internet.

My dm could do all of those things until a week before she died at 87.

She wouldn't fly but could happily find her way through the railway & ferry booking sites and if there was a discount to be had on Stagecoach, she'd find it. 😊

She could still do a roast for 12, although she'd do the veggies and cheesecake the night before, She could manage customer service stuff and still wither a John Lewis shop assistant at 20 paces.

She couldn't mow the lawn any more and I removed the step ladder to stop her cleaning her bungalow gutters of leaves.
Bless her 😊

Mine are older than the age bracket , but Dad can do all 5. Mum does not drive but has recognised eye condition and uses an an ild style phone for texts and ipad for emails and on line stuff.

Your op made me lol!
I'm 72 and do all those things. I drive from one end of the country to the other, not just here but abroad. At 65 I had a flying lesson, and would have continued with them if it hadn't been for the cost. At 68 I did voluntary work with turtles in Central America. Yesterday I climbed a stepladder two storeys to clear my gutters (don't tell dcs). Not much I don't do, and most of my friends of a similar age are the same. The only thing I don't do is sleep very well.

I'm in my 70s and all those things regularly with the exception of booking a flight but i do book train tickets if that helps.

DH is nearly 80 and he can do it all except cook a meal but he's never been willing or able to do that so I don't think it is an issue, I mean I'm not expecting him to suddenly start whipping up great meals.

I’m 70 . I can do all of these task without giving it a second thought. But I’ve just come in after cutting a large hedge and pulling weeds and I’m absolutely knackered!