Ageing parents -- what is 'normal'?

[Ippagoggy]

I'm mostly interested in hearing from people who have parents in the 65-75 age bracket (but any anecdotal advice regarding other ages would be interesting). Out of the following, at this age bracket, how many of these can/could your parents do:

1. cook a meal confidently
2. use a smart phone confidently to send emails, use facebook, send a text message.
3. book a flight for themselves online
4. deal with a customer service issue with, e.g. british gas, phone company, etc.
5. drive a car

Thanks

I think people who are shocked by the question perhaps don't appreciate a) how different people are and b) how quickly things can change. Of my four parents/ILs, three could have done all of these things with ease aged 74. One still could easily (age 80). One just about could (age 78) but would find 2-4 a bit of a struggle now. One (aged 77) could only have done 1 and 5 since probably late 60s (and could never have done 2), and now has cognitive decline and can't do any of them. One (aged 77) could have done them all aged 74 but is now in a care home with dementia and has no real grasp of anything at all.

I would imagine the vast majority of 65-75 year old to be able to do all of these things. Did you mean 75-85?

Parents are early 70s and can do all of that

DD is 75, and DM is 71.

Between them, they can cook a meal, text (but not use email or Facebook confidently), and deal with some basic customer service issues. They couldn’t book a flight online, and I am increasingly being called upon to do their admin and deal with issues re customer service etc/any paperwork. They both drive, but DM only locally on roads she is familiar with, never at night, and she relies heavily on DD. DD drives long distances etc happily but may not be able to for much longer due to developing eyesight issues.

Both have a number of health conditions that place an ever increasing doubt on their ability to do the above consistently. They muddle along together but I worry that when DD isn’t here, DM really won’t cope (long term mental health problems- not dementia).

PIL are in the middle of this age bracket and can do all of this confidently with no assistance ever required.

MIL is 80 and capable of all of those. PIL 82 and less capable all round with technology, admin and cooking.

My dad is 83 and can do all those things. My mum however died aged 70 and could do none of them. She could cook a bit but more the warm things up type cooking. She just wouldn't try to do new things and my dad just did everything for her.

My mother is 77 and can only do 1 and 5.

My DP is 65 and I am a little younger. We can do all of those things and both travel independently as well. We also collected and stacked a load of hay today. The bales each weigh about 30kg. I think at our age you use it or lose it.

Thank you so much for the replies.

For those wondering, my question stems from observing the 3 (remaining) parents/in-laws that DH and I share and being increasingly relied upon to help with certain tasks (with two of them). I don’t mind helping out but keep reading…

All 3 fall within the age bracket (hence the slightly arbitrary bracket I chose; no other reason). All 3, I would say are in reasonable health; both physically and mentally.

Parent #1 (age 66) can only manage 1/5 tasks (cooking). Parent #2 (73) manages all 5 without batting an eyelid. Parent #3 (73) manages only 1/5 (driving although debatable if he should; and to be fair to him he never cooked for himself when younger. He could boil an egg or assemble a ham sandwich if survival depended on it though.).

Anyway, the fact that parent #2 is so able, makes the other two look “bad” by comparison which has sometimes led to “discussions” between myself and DH about whether we are helping “too much” or enabling some “learned helplessness” in some cases.

DH and I are pretty insular and work in field that tends to skew young. This made me realise that outside of our parents, we simply don’t know that many people 65+ well enough to know what is “average”.

Apologies to those who might have taken offence; didn’t mean to imply anything about age bracket and I was asking from a place of genuine curiosity.

Thank you again.

Has parent 1 ever been able to do the other things? Were they capable before and then stopped?
Do they have health conditions? 66 is very young to lose capability.

There is no average in the way you are thinking of it. Of those tasks, I can do all of them BUT I haven't flown in over 30 years (don't want to) so I know I'd need help to navigate all the options that flying now has. If I won the lottery and wanted to take a holiday, I'd just book it all through a travel agent, tell them exactly what I wanted and let them get on with it. When I last booked, you chose where you were going and when and class, maybe which airline if there was a choice and that was that. Similarly with customer service, some people don't mind being firm with a company to get the right outcome, some people shy away from confrontation.. As you say, some people don't cook. I have got friends younger than me who don't do facebook, some who never email but do Whatsapp. I am too fumblefingered to use my iphone for much if I don't have to but am fine on a tablet or laptop. So we come back to my post earlier. Is there risk here? Does anyone leave the cooker on? Can they live their lives happily and safely without doin those things? What do they choose not to do? You have only to read MN to see how women get fed up with mealplanning and cooking. Older age is not a competition!

My parents are 77 and 82 and could do all of these things very competently. The meal would be top notch, their cars are flash, they may sometimes need help with flights, but that’s more smartphone related. Both WhatsApp no problems.

My mum is 66 and can do it all but is not allowed to drive after it's dark or outside of the city she lives in due to macular degeneration.

My dad is 71 can do all those things.

Both parents could do all of those things (with the exception that my Dad couldn't cook a meal when he was 40 either - but he could acquire a meal's worth of hot or cold food or make a sandwich etc without any loss of capacity at 75).

We are that age and I could do all those things,although I have AMD and struggle with a smartphone screen so use a tablet or laptop. I can cook anything but have fallen out with the daily grind of cooking and tend to go for simple suppers. If the whole family come then that means cooking for big numbers so I prefer to go out to eat. DH couldn't cook but then he never could, eggs and toast is his limit. Would I trust him to book a flight? Not in a million years but that's not new either. We both still drive regularly although I have peripheral neuropathy in my feet so don't do long distance.

My mum has always enjoyed getting my dad to do everything for her. My dad has enabled it. Unfortunately now he's frail she wants everyone else to do everything for her. Despite being very fit.

Mum at 90 can and does so all those. Dad at 92 cooks and drives but not into smart phone or technology, he rarely uses customer services as he's a bit deaf and hasn't the patience for modern incompetent customer service (his words). recently both were taken out for a drive by a driving instructor who passed them both as safe to continue driving.

My 84 year old MIL can do all of these things.

my parents are 78 and 81 and both do all of those things

My mum is 85 & can do all of those things except drive as she chooses not to & book a flight as she doesn't travel.

i'm 67 can do all those things listed with ease, i'm pretty slick with banking and run a market stall selling honey mostly with contactless payment and electronic transfers.
dh is 67 not only does all those things but is employed by the government and continues to work a few hours per months in an area of particular expertise.

My sister is 75 and can do all but drive a car as she's registered blind (macular degeneration since her 50s, but can see enough to read a computer screen)

Think my MIL was still capable of all those into her late 80s.

How judgemental.

People have different life experiences, different states of health.

My father is 71 and cant do all of those things mainly because he has cancer and is exhausted.

We are both 67, can do all that. Swear politely at companies and websites with incompetent procedures in place.