Ageing parents -- what is 'normal'?

[Ippagoggy]

I'm mostly interested in hearing from people who have parents in the 65-75 age bracket (but any anecdotal advice regarding other ages would be interesting). Out of the following, at this age bracket, how many of these can/could your parents do:

1. cook a meal confidently
2. use a smart phone confidently to send emails, use facebook, send a text message.
3. book a flight for themselves online
4. deal with a customer service issue with, e.g. british gas, phone company, etc.
5. drive a car

Thanks

OP I sense that you have concerns about one or both parents' cognition? Are they perhaps finding things getting harder? I used to work clinically with older people and I think the key questions are not about what is normal but about whether their limitations are causing problems or putting them at risk?

MIL is 87 and can do all of those things.

The age range covers people who probably worked with technology before retirement and is pretty patronising.
DH is 74 and was a programmer/ engineer from the earliest computers right through to retirement.
My late mother could do all those things at 84.

Both my parents were completely independent and capable between those ages, still enjoying life. My mum started getting various illnesses and health issues not long after 75, and was 90% bed bound and needing lots of help by 80. My father was totally independent until 81, when he fell, ended up on the floor overnight, got sepsis and other complications and ended up dying 10 weeks later (poor NHS/hospital care was a big factor too).

My mother is 85 and can do all except for Facebook which she is not interested in and sends emails from a tablet and not from her phone.
FIL also 85 again can text but can't use his phone for emails but can use his laptop. Has no interest in FB. Is not currently driving due to recent broken hip but may take it up again if he feels able to.

Mother, mid 70s, all of those no problem. Will occasionally ask my advice on an Excel formula (recently, setting it up to work out an average of non-contiguous cells).

Uncle, late 70s, all of those. Recently had to upgrade his computer memory to 5 terrabytes to handle a large project and has just returned from a very active holiday in North Africa that he booked online.

M-in-L, early 80s, has never driven or been much interested in computers but could comfortably manage the offline version of all those tasks.

F-in-L, early 80s, only recently learnt to cook after MiL had an operation and couldn't. Can do all the rest.

Father, would be late 80s if he were still alive, never learnt to use a computer or smartphone but was working (with a lot of driving and some international travel) until 75. Had always been a fairly basic a cook, but no deterioration of his abilities until after 75.

Stepfather, late 70s, could do all those up to 70, including very complex cooking. After 70 his ability to multitask deteriorated markedly and he stopped being able to cope with multiple cooking timers going at once. That was the second sign of his developing dementia. Stopped driving around 73, and smartphone use steadily deteriorated - he can now use it to make a call but not much else. Couldn't now do anything on your list.

All except 3. I am in my 60s and do all except 5 because I never learned. I go on holiday independently though.

I'm 66 and my husband is 76 and can do all of those things easily. We certainly don't consider ourselves as elderly- we are both still working, fit and healthy.

My parents are older and can only do one of these

My MIL is 72 and FIL is 76

1. MIL absolutely but FIL wouldn't starve, although when MIL was in hospital a lot of family brought him meals
2. Yes they both have smart phones. FIL has a tablet
3. Probably not, only because it's not something they do
4. MIL can and does all the time if they piss her off
5. Yes both

My grandma in law is 87 nearly 88 and she can do 1 & 5 although won't leave the country so wouldn't be booking any flights.
My fil is 63 and useless with Internet and phone.
My grandpa is 76 and can do all of the above.

Which one?

Can only really speak for ILs, as my parents never qualified for that age range, but at that stage they could cook, drive and deal with customer service matters without any issues. They never really got to grips with technology much, so emails were a struggle, and any online bookings or shopping would be delegated to me.

My dad is 76 and does all those things readily. I don't even think of him as elderly most of the time. His wife is a few years older and never goes online - as far as I know she never has, despite having a computer in the house.

I'm 68. I can do all of those things plus lots more. I think the real issue is people who are not computer literate. So not able to navigate services which are primarily Internet based. They lose out big time.

My DM is 75 and can’t do any of these things now. Elderly ADHD/low confidence/poor eyesight/learned helplessness/never driven.

Mum is 81

1. cook a meal confidently - YES
2. use a smart phone confidently to send emails, use facebook, send a text message - No
3. book a flight for themselves online - NO
4. deal with a customer service issue with, e.g. british gas, phone company, etc - ONLY BY PHONE
5. drive a car - YES (but shouldn’t)

I think what's interesting is how long-term couples often end up de-skilling each other. For instance, my father couldn't cook as Mum did it all. My mother couldn't use technology as Dad just absolutely loved it (when Parkinson's made it impossible for him to use and he managed to lock himself out of his phone due to his hands not working, he'd still clutch his phone to himself like a teddy bear or as if he were a phone-addicted teen).

Of the two, not being able to use technology turns out to be far the worse. It's a sort of illiteracy - he'd go into hospital and she'd be unable to do online banking, log her covid test (back in the days), do the online supermarket shop. I think if she'd gone first my dad would have been fine with cheese on toast, she's absolutely flummoxed.

I'm worried that my husband and I are doing something similar to each other - it's so easy just to do the things you're good at so as a consequence he does no cooking and I do none of the finances (like feminism never happened).

Parents are 68 and 69 and could do all that fine. They don’t do online banking, though.

PILs are 80 and 81 and due to various illnesses or disabilities can do none of these now. At that age range MIL could cook and drive but they’ve never been confident with smart phones or dealing with customer services or doing much of anything, really. Always complained about things going wrong.

She posted in the elderly parent board which seems to assume that she feels anyone over 65 is elderly!

DF is a bit older but can only do numbers 1&4. He's always rejected the internet and smart phones and has never driven.

Why do you ask?

Both my parents are 77 and can do all of those things

Fair enough! They haven’t been back with any context, I was assuming there may have been age-related issues they were concerned about but we may never know

😆

Mum is 70. Never has she been able to drive or use a computer or smartphone so she couldn't book a flight on a computer. She has only flown once. She can cook, clean, and organise, look after older children (toddlers are too much), and go for days out. She never had a job using technology, so it's bypassed her. She buys what she needs from shops.