My dad has come to my house to die..

[KitsyWitsy]

Gave me his will and deeds to his house earlier. Came on Tuesday after ringing me asking to come get him. He is frail and deteriorating but I don’t know that he is actually dying. I do know that he can’t really go home anymore. He needs to be with me and he is currently staying in my bedroom which is on the ground floor next to the downstairs toilet which is perfect. I am on the sofa bed and don’t mind at all.

I guess I just wanted to ask if anyone has any advice for me? I don’t know what to do really other than take care of him. He doesn’t want to see a doctor or anything and doesn’t have any particular symptoms of anything. He’s just wobbly and frail.

I have three disabled children so my hands were already full. Just a bit stressed out really. He just had a little fall earlier and it’s not going to be the last one the way he’s going.

If you can sit him up, a bit of protein shake from the Co-op might be okay - if he can drink at all, otherwise I suppose a cup of tea is as good as anything. I suppose an empty beetroot glass jar by the bed is the thing, too. I guess you know all of this however, and whether this is appropriate advice or not.

The weather has broken here, I hope it has where you are.

Classic FM on the radio - or on the telly, of course, you can get it on that.

You can ask the doctor about prescribing "anticipatory medications" they usually include pain meds (morphine based), something for nausea, something for restlessness and something for breathlessness / secretions. They come as a pack you keep at home and then the district nurses can pop round and administer them as needed.

Hope you are ok and they are able to give him something for his pain today. He is absolutely able to decline a trip to A&E which would no doubt be awful.

If he can't manage to sit up and drink something then do try and keep his mouth moist so he doesn't get uncomfortable.

He's gone to hospital. Just getting something to eat and I'll go down.

Just catching up with your updates. Wishing you strength op, and peace for your lovely dad.

It sounds like he needs to be in hospital for sure.

Strength to you at this difficult time. Sometimes it is a guilty relief when the professionals take over, but it is the right thing to do.much love

As someone with a terminally ill relative, I have the following advice:

Get him a diagnosis. Without a diagnosis, your options are very limited.

If her is terminally ill, you will get visits from the palliative care team. They can provide oyygen, a bed if required, a wheel chair and other similar resources.

You can also contact the council, who will provide a visitor to assist him. It's a very long convoluted, though.

Marie Curie offer free night nursing so you can get a break overnight.

Sorry to hear that, you sound like a lovely daughter

Sending you a hug. You sound like a wonderful daughter and I hope your dad is comfortable x

sending best wishes @KitsyWitsy

How lovely to be able to be there in this way for your Dad - I’ve been in the waiting game like this before, it’s very draining so try to take care of yourself too

Best wishes to you both 💐

Thinking of you.

Sending you and your dad love and prayers. You taking him in is very admirable. Your dad knows he's very unwell which is why he's done what he's done. But having him stay with you will be something you never regret. Just take it one day at a time. 💕

He’s got a massive abscess in his abdomen and has got sepsis. Really low blood pressure. They said they wouldn’t do interventions which I agreed with but then they said they would. Then icu came and said they didn’t think it was in his best interest. So I think they are going to drain the abscess but not to overboard with other things.

they said he is very sick and will probably die.

I’m staying strong for now but I’ll fall to bits after. He needs me now to advocate for him. He’s had two bags of fluid and hasn’t got a catheter in. He’s fast asleep and on morphine. I’ve expressed my concerns but still no catheter. I don’t want him wetting himself.

I've only just read your post and want to say what a wonderful kind daughter you are. So sorry for what your dad is going through. I hope you can get some rest yourself. Xxxx

No advice to add just thinking of you both. You sound a wonderful daughter. I hope he’s peaceful.

Sending positive thoughts. It will be OK OP, you are doing all you can in advocating to keep him comfortable. That is really important.

Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you both.

Thinking of you both - what a wonderful daughter you are, he must be a very special man.

I just want to say that I shall think about you tonight and hope that your dear dad is out of pain. You have done all you can, and more, time to let others help. Give your dad a hug from me.

I’m really sorry OP, it’s really hard.
Make sure he is under the palliative care team and pathway.
A relative of mine was led to fade after a fall and we had to get PALS involved to get palliative care in. Dignity is one of the standards they maintain (I’m thinking about the lack catheter when I say this).
Thinking of you both

This. 💐

I am so sorry OP. You sound very brave and a wonderful daughter.
Keep strong!