Why do they refuse to take their shoes off?

[SparkleFly]

What is it with the older generation, that they absolutely hate taking their shoes off in people's houses? My parents are late 70's and never take theirs off, if I suggest it they look uncomfortable and just ignore me. Same with MIL who will occasionally do an awkward check of the soles of her shoes before carrying on through my house wearing them. My 4 year old has been brought up to always remove them in our house or anyone else's, so he'll occasionally ask me why nanny doesn't take hers off, which is difficult to explain, giving that the real reason is that they don't give a sh**

Seriously though, what's with the lack of respect, especially when they can see everyone else doing it.

My house is a shoes off house but I don’t impose the rule on adult guests. It is just considered rude to ask by a lot of people. Also, for someone with mobility issues they are probably safer and more comfortable with shoes on.

A bit off topic but what do people do with wheelchair users visiting their house? I am a wheelchair user but can walk a little and have a fully wheelchair accessible bungalow but I'm curious as I know and visit a couple of shoes off houses (I do try and avoid as it is very difficult for me). What happens when I can't walk? I cannot wipe my wheels down and I genuinely don't want to offend anyone with my wheelchair use. It is hard enough without causing more grief in shoes off houses. Wheelchair wheels are surely dirtier than shoes. Or more likely I wouldn't be welcome? I am genuinely worried now after reading these replies.

Ridiculous all of Asia are able to do it (and my country in Australasia mostly do it too). I’ve had multiple spinal surgeries that make it difficult to bend, wear orthotics in my shoes that help me walk, and I still do it.

Weird generalisation about an entire generation. My parents are in their 70s and would automatically take their shoes off in someone's home. As would I. If staying over anywhere parents both take their own slippers to change into.

Dp asked mil a couple of times, particularly when the kids were babies and playing on the floor. She flat out said "no." I assumed she has gross feet 😂

But this isn’t Asia or Australia, is it !.

I'd be scared to go bare feet in Australia for fear of monster spiders!! 😫

I wouldn’t dream of asking any guests to take off shoes.

Why generalise like this about generations? My mother aged 72 is very happy to take shoes off because she spent her early childhood somewhere hot and always ran around without shoes there, so subsequently she's always been more comfortable without shoes. Given our colonial past, a lot of older people are in a similar situation.

It was the norm to take shoes off when I was growing up in the 70s and 80s. My parents did it, children did and it was the same at friends' houses. Maybe something to do with all the mums working and not wanting extra cleaning to do? The only people not expected to were elderly relatives.

Now the same - we're a shoes off house but have a proper seat by the door to take them on and off and a long handled shoe horn nearby. Anyone visiting brings slippers with them.

For a wheelchair user I'd make them welcome? I don't think they'd be able to get into my current house due to the layout but a disabled friend did visit my old one and just came in with her wheelchair. Wouldn't have occurred to me to suggest she couldn't! Same with parking our pushchair inside.

very rude of anyone to ask me to remove my shoes…..do you not clean your floors every day?…..that’s disgusting 🙄

Slightly different perspective. Acknowledge the comments about people over 70 finding it difficult to adjust.

I've lived in South East Asia for 30 odd years and striding into someone's home without doffing your docs is about as sociable as taking a dump on the doormat. Most homes keep a collection of clean slippers and flip flops at the door. Like at temples and mosques. I believe even Queen Elizabeth herself obliged once.

Think about it. On the streets there is dog shit and piss, city grime and nasty things on the ground nobody would want walked into their home. If I moved back to the UK I would keep up that habit and try to coax people to think likewise, but admit it might be difficult to ask people.

It's a hygiene and respect for your host thing. I would never browbeat and lecture about it, but I would say it's one habit that I'd be happy to see spread around the world.

Because they think you are mad taking your shoes off in the house. They don’t get it. My PIL put on their shoes when they first get dressed. Which is right after they get up/washed as it would never occur to them to walk downstairs in their PJs.

We are a shoes off house, but I only ask other kids to take their shoes off. MIL once told me she wouldn’t be walking around with no shoes when she saw me taking mine off. Which is grand as it’s mainly a comfort thing for us and the fact that the kids jump on the furniture.

Old age is going to come as a real shock to you OP.

I've just been diagnosed with osteoporosis at 52. The advice sheet I've been given says to a
wear proper shoes when indoors to reduce the risk of falling. Perhaps they've had similar advice.

You provide a doormat for people to wipe their feet on outside the front door and again inside to remove dirt.

Hospitality requires guests to be made comfortable, not harangued. If someone invites you to their home and then demands you remove your shoes you turn round and go home again. It's t he host who's being crass, not the guest.

What about some respect from the host to the guests? Hospitality requires guests to be prioritised and put at ease.

Until you develop horrible bunions and ingrowing toenails and dinosaur nails and all the other things that happen to your feet once you get over 50 you won't understand how mortifying it can be to have to take your shoes off in public. I would have to hunt for a pair of socks that don't have holes. Nothing as lovely as spending a 'relaxed' hour or two visiting while trying hard to conceal the hole in your sock, with your feet slowly freezing...

Charteux- our ‘colonial past’ was decades and decades ago! You’d have to be very, very old to have been part of it.

There are clearly shoes on and shoes off houses and those who are fairly happy for people to do either, or don't mind too much if someone strays from their house normal.

I think if you are a clear shoes off house then you do have to provide somewhere to sit, slippers or shoe covers and a long handled shoe horn.

I think in cultures where shoes off are more normal, it is hotter and people are less likely to wear the sort of highly laced boots and shoes that are harder to get on and off. Flip flops/sliders/light shoes are more common - but do not work well in our variable climate.

The wheelchair question is very interesting. I know it would be very difficult for a wheelchair user to get into my house at all without considerable help - if the wheels were visibly dirty I might put a towel down or newspaper or ask if it was okay to give them a wipe?

User - you’d put newspaper down or ask to wipe their wheels 😮? Very unwelcoming, rude and how to make your guest feel like an inconvenience.

A pp makes a good point about having a dog. I wonder how many of the "shoes off" brigade have dogs, and how this impacts their immaculate floors? And if you're "shoes off", and have dog, is the dog allowed on the sofas, or on the bed? Are there any contradictory approaches that we'd admit to? We wear slippers around the house mainly for comfort and we wouldn't ask visitors to take their shoes off. We don't have dogs but if we did we certainly wouldn't let them sleep on the bed with us.

Colonial past!!!!!!

Ive heard it all now. Are your relatives 150 years old? And lived in Indiaaahhhh

Technically, you'd have to be in your 30s. But even going back to when colonies were more of a thing, you'd have to be in your late 60s or older to be part of that era.

Maybe they don't want to put their feet on your minging floors!

@Meadowtrees As I said 'if they were visibly dirty' - yes I would.

In the same way if someone had visibly dirty shoes I would ask them to take them off or go back to the mat and wipe them.

I would prefer buggies to not come into the house but again, dirty wheels would need to be cleaned.

Animals do not enter my house.