Why do they refuse to take their shoes off?

[SparkleFly]

What is it with the older generation, that they absolutely hate taking their shoes off in people's houses? My parents are late 70's and never take theirs off, if I suggest it they look uncomfortable and just ignore me. Same with MIL who will occasionally do an awkward check of the soles of her shoes before carrying on through my house wearing them. My 4 year old has been brought up to always remove them in our house or anyone else's, so he'll occasionally ask me why nanny doesn't take hers off, which is difficult to explain, giving that the real reason is that they don't give a sh**

Seriously though, what's with the lack of respect, especially when they can see everyone else doing it.

If they have diabetes they'll have been told not to. Walk around in bare feet.

Not rude at all where I'm from. I'd never tell anyone what to wear or what not to wear in my home.

I find it strange.

If you're worried people will ruin your clean home, dont have people over unless they agree to your rules first.

if I suggest it they look uncomfortable and just ignore me.
That's because they are uncomfortable because you wont say it out straight 🤣 you suggest.
YOU are uncomfortable but will not ask or tell them you dont want shoes worn in your house. I'd ignore you too!

What's the point in complaining about people because they can't read your mind and live exactly how youd like?

I have custom orthotic inserts in my shoes. I have them in my slippers too. Without them, my feet roll outwards and I am in great danger of spraining my ankles.

I'm keeping my shoes on in your house, and I'm only in my forties.

we Are a no shoe house, but I also recognize that some people have trouble taking off and putting on shoes. Others need special orthotic shoes even for light walking and standing.

if your inlaws are over frequently, get a comfortable, sturdy, high bench for near the door for them to sit to do a shoe change. Then ask them what kind of house shoes they would like you to buy to keep at your home for them. If you get lucky, they may be like me and have a pair of orthopedic house shoes that have worn out too much for daily use but could be kept at someone else’s house.

I hate taking my shoes or more likely boots off - I get cold feet & often cramp. I like wearing shoes - they finish my outfit and keep my feet warm. I'm in my 50's but have always preferred to wear my shoes, boots or slippers when up and about. I always use the doormat thoroughly and would remove them if coated in mud, etc.
It's not a family rule though - DH rarely wears any shoes in warm weather and my kids prefer to wander about in their socks.

In our house we let people keep in their shoes or remove them - whatever makes our guests feel comfortable. I certainly wouldn't nag the grandparents - it takes my 86 year old MIL long enough to get her coat on & off - shoes would add a good 15 mins to any arrival or departure, plus I know she's very self conscious about the state of her toe nails (even with regular pedicures.) And she'd probs slip on our hard floors

I'm not elderly but I have issues with my feet swelling and following a badly broken ankle I have found I need shoes with arch support. I wear shoes indoors for this reason.

My PILs are now dead (both around 80) but they were sticklers for taking their shoes off and never ever wearing them in the house. MIL became disabled and had terminal cancer but still wanted the floors clean. I remember her asking me to get an antibac wipe to wipe the bottom rubber bit of her walking stick so no outdoor muck came inside. They both took their shoes off until they died.

Only the older generation?

I know plenty of people who don't like it

It doesn't bother me but a lot of people don't like the feeling, some feel unsteady, some don't like their feet.

Can you have slippers for them?

Do you provide indoor foot wear?

Why not just take your slippers to someone’s house if it’s shoes off there?

My mum needed to sit down and use a shoe horn to get her shoes on and off. It was not easy for her with arthritis.

This is a good point.

How rude! If someone asks you to remove your shoes before entering - you remove your shoes. Dragging in filth from the outdoors is crass and disgusting.

Op I think you are showing a lack of respect and empathy. Bending down to remove shoes and take them off/put them on again can be challenging as you age due to a myriad of factors....hip/knee replacements, arthritis, poor eyesight, poor balance, dizziness, diabetes, plantar fascitis, overweight, could have a fungal nail infection, smelly feet etc etc etc etc. If you carry on like that, your problems will soon be over as no-one will want to visit you anyway.

All of Asia manage to do it. Are you saying those in the UK are incapable?

Difficulty getting shoes off (and on) as many have said. Feet being too cold out of shoes. Socks slipping on floors (that would be my number one reason - I'd definitely go flying if trying to walk in socks on lino or wooden floors!). Foot isses such as bunions or corns that would make being out of shoes uncomfortable. For some folks, they are aware their feet smell less than ideally!

I’m mid-50s. When I was growing up pretty much no one took their shoes off inside. If anything it was considered quite dirty/uncouth/slobby to walk around in your socks. This was the case in my working class town where I grew up and with my more middle class uni friends.

At some point from my late 20s there seemed to be a change in norms and suddenly for pretty much everyone of my generation and younger that had gone to uni taking shoes off became much more common. The people my age I knew who were more working class changed 5 - 10 years later and were less uniform about it. But for the most part my parents’ generation still seem to think it dirty/uncouth/slobby.

I can iterate all my reasons again if you want but I think I made myself perfectly clear. I am not in a sufficiently qualified position to comment on the whole of Asia.

Why would there pee on their soles in the bathroom?

I think shoes indoors are disgusting, especially if there are young babies crawling around. But I can also understand that it's difficult for elderly people to take them on and off.

Fortunately I don't know anyone who insists people remove their shoes before entering their home.

If they asked me to of course I would, but I wouldn't be in a hurry to return. I like my guests to feel at home in my house - which is a HOME, not a house about to be featured in a glossy magazine. Some of us have vacuum cleaners, which we know how to use.

Because they are not anally retentive? No idea I would prefer people to take them off but I want them to work with what works for them

Mobility issues OP?

Feels less formal to have shoes off. Uncomfortable with socks on show?

I do a lot of home visits for work and always take my shoes off without being asked. But I do feel like I am slightly “exposed” in a way I can’t explain or rationalise

People who don’t take shoes off in their own homes feel judged when asked to do so in others. Chippy as it’s like - oh that’s not good enough for you eh.

If it’s your family, they know that you know they don’t take their shoes off so it pisses them off - you’re making a point that you’re cleaner than them.

Parents? Times that by a million.

Also they feel they’ve got leeway to show the muscle and ignore you. Don’t tell us what to do. 🖕

🤷‍♀️ ok. will make sure to pick nursing home with shoes off policy then 🖕🖕🖕🖕

I think the poster you responded to made it quite clear why some people might struggle/not be able to take their shoes off and visiting a friend/family member.