DM wants a riser-chair costing £4.5k! Advice v welcome

[Valleyofthedollymix]

DM is 82 with moderate dementia. It affects her mobility more than her cognitive abilities but I don't know how much this is to do with the dementia and how much is due to her lack of exercise over many years.

She is currently burning through finite funds by living in a large house with a very expensive live-in carer through an agency. After a lifetime of being careful with money, she's spending like Liberace and it's going to run out, especially since I think she'll live a long time. Frustratingly, the extravagance encouraged by the carer, for example endless new pairs of trousers and cashmere jumpers (one week she bought six). If we query this spending, it gets turned into a black mark against us - for someone with a failing memory, DM can keep a really good tally of the ways in which we've 'denied' her.

Anyway the latest was the carer organising for a bespoke riser recliner chair company to come round to demo. DM apparently 'fell in love' with the deluxe one and has chosen the fabric etc. It costs nearly £4600. This feels like an awful lot to me but apparently, it's tailor made for her spine, size etc.

Does anyone know if this is worth it? Of course, if it's a buy once buy the best situation and it'll change her life, fair enough, we'll find the funds. But I wouldn't spend that sort of money on anything without due diligence. I feel like we're being bounced into it. I'm also unsure of the wisdom of these chairs at all because might it exacerbate my mother's immobility?

So, if anyone has any knowledge on how much you need to spend and what's worth it, I'd be vvvv grateful.

My mil had one of these. It was £50 on marketplace so no it's not worth it and they're not tailor made to your spine. It's an electric recliner/riser.

I want to facilitate her staying in the house if that's what she wants.

Surely only if that is what is best for her though?

Let her have her chair.

Perhaps a chat about how, overall she is spending ALOT of money but it's her decision ultimately.

To be honest, these chairs are great for people who are independently mobile who just find it a bit difficult to get up from a normal armchair for whatever reason, for everyone else they aren't really needed. A set of chair raisers or a completely different normal chair and a carer on hand would probably do the same job !

"Aww thanks for saying that, I feel like a bitch most of the time - the grumpy daughter played by Olivia Coleman with a pinched face."

hugs, I think we all feel this way a lot of the time, I swing from constant guilt, shame at my less noble reactions to irritation, anger and intense frustration

unfortunately this path we tread is littered with landmines

We bought these bespoke riser recliner chairs. At that time the cost was just over £3000. Care Co sell the exact same thing for less that £1000. If she has mobility issues and difficulty getting out of chairs the riser recliners can be a godsend but the bespoke ones are not the only option. Care Co are not the only company that do them but they do have a reasonable reputation and showrooms so you can see what you are getting.

After reading all your posts, OP, I don't think the chair is really the issue. It sounds like she can afford the chair, so I'd probably let her get one if she can't be persuaded to make a more sensible choice (like a near new second hand one). I think the issue is the ongoing spending and what that means for her future finances. She has means now but what when it runs out? You want to know her money is going to go the distance for her. This is the issue I'd be addressing, and you may have to be firm with your mother if the situation needs it.

There are 32 currently on sale through eBay

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/225978540455?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=-u1rO6vdSq2&sssrc=4429486&ssuid=gibgujitrii&var=&widget_ver=artemis&media=COPY

Significantly less than £4K !!

Totally disagree. Sounds like she's trying to be sensible. Her mother has dementia and doesn't know what's appropriate. This isn't really about the chair.

I agree. There's a finite amount of money and it has to last the distance. I'd be worried seeing my mother spending up large on unnecessary items, not because I begrudge her having fun and enjoying herself, but because she has a finite pot of money to see her out. The well being of aging parents can be quite a source of anxiety when you're not sure their funds are going to go the distance. You know where they are going to come knocking for funding next too.

We spent nearly 2k on one for my mil who sat in it twice before declaring that she didn't like it. We kept it for a while before giving it away.
It sounds to me like the carer is massively over stepping, not only by inviting sales people into your mother's home, but also with the vast quantities of food that will not be doing your mum any good. I presume the carers food is included in the weekly shop?
It sounds like the carer is living the high life with smoked salmon and high end chocolate

The carer must be buying all these scarves for your Mum, surely?.....or can your Mum use the internet alright?

I bet the carer buys stuff for herself and sends it to your Mum's address.....and I bet your Mum doesn't even know.

It sounds like financial abuse and theft may be going on.

Be the bad guy. You will be anyway.
Re the chair, ours was free from OT/social services, along with other aids. Maybe check?
And absolutely keep financial control in relation to the carer. If it's not waking care you should be able to get away with more like 1-1.5k a week.

I just wanted to add that the British Heart Foundation often sells winged back chairs with wooden seem rests in their shops and online, as well as the occasional riser chair... it's their stock in trade due to the nature of their business model.
They even sell online I think.

Your mum's being used. Sorry.

the carer shouldnt be organising for sales people to come over withoutb discussion with you first-thats crafty

your dm as dementia and i feel shes pushing the boundarys there

Can you put a cap on how much can be bought with the card in any one transaction and over a defined period of time? It might bring thing into control a bit.

As you're paying the carer, why not say to her that she has to stop suggesting expensive and unnecessary stuff for your mother to buy, and smoked salmon is off the menu from now on. Make sure her bosses know that that is the instruction and that you will go for alternative carers if they don't sort this out.

Hi OP, my dad has dementia. Like fuck do any of his carers have his bank card.
As you have PoA the carer’s spending is up to you not your mum. So you need to read the riot act.

I’m in regular touch with both the care manager and the head of the agency so I report important discussions with carers back to them for transparency. None has ever been so unprofessional as to bitch to me - what an extraordinary carry on and suggestive of poor training and a poorly run agency.

I agree it sounds like the eating and spending are related to dementia. My aunt, who also had dementia, out on weight. But her carer was responsible and monitored her eating. She did have a very expensive recliner though!

Is the carer getting a commission? This one is near me, used them for bits and pieces for my mum https://www.clearwellmobility.co.uk/seating/riser-recliners

I’m a Pilates’s teacher and specialise in working with older adults. These chairs, whilst uber comfy, can contribute to a decline in strength as all the core muscles start to go sleep as they aren’t being activated as much as sitting in other styles of chair. Whilst I appreciate the need for assistance and comfort, where possible the use of other chairs for periods of time keeps core stability switched on. So yes, I don’t think this is a good use of money. Find a cheaper version and tell her it’s good for her spine health!

NHS hospital OT here.......completely agree with @Madeinsuffolk these chairs are my pet hate! Unless you have a condition such as MS/MND where sitting to stand is impossible for you then all they do is weaken the muscles required to carry out multiple activities of daily living such as getting up off the bed or toilet. We then get people attending A & E because they have fallen off trying to get up off the bed or got stuck on the toilet.

I bought a top of the range r&r chair for dh who was a similar age. It was bespoke, measured to suit him and cost £2500. You don’t need to pay more than that. Try AbleWorld or Middletons.

You like the carer. So ... can you speak to her about this? Tell her clearly that your DM suddenly taking transient pleasure in shopping is out of character, symptomatic of cognitive decline, and can she help improve quality of life by encouraging an interest in...whatever she used to like to do. Sounds like the carer enjoys shopping and it keeps both her and DM busy and engaged. But maybe DM would do better than havi g her main hobby being shopping expensive pointless crap?

Point put the money is disappearing quickly. Explain there is an annual budget.

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Instead of spending money on sweets, clothes she doesn't need and a chair she could find a private ot or physio to assess her if she doesn't want to use the NHS. In any other setting a carer encouraging spending a lot of money and eating really unhealthy foods leading to that weight gain with someone with dementia could be considered abuse.

Change the carer/agency.She is being very unprofessional and should not have a card.If you need to let them have petty cash,leave it in notes and check receipts.

She's paying £2,000 per week for the carer! That's ridiculous. My mum had one of those chairs from a charity shop my friend worked at - it was £50 and in very good condition. I saw it in Ableworld and it's £1,000. I think she's been taken advantage of.

Are you able to track what the carer uses her card for?