DM wants a riser-chair costing £4.5k! Advice v welcome

[Valleyofthedollymix]

DM is 82 with moderate dementia. It affects her mobility more than her cognitive abilities but I don't know how much this is to do with the dementia and how much is due to her lack of exercise over many years.

She is currently burning through finite funds by living in a large house with a very expensive live-in carer through an agency. After a lifetime of being careful with money, she's spending like Liberace and it's going to run out, especially since I think she'll live a long time. Frustratingly, the extravagance encouraged by the carer, for example endless new pairs of trousers and cashmere jumpers (one week she bought six). If we query this spending, it gets turned into a black mark against us - for someone with a failing memory, DM can keep a really good tally of the ways in which we've 'denied' her.

Anyway the latest was the carer organising for a bespoke riser recliner chair company to come round to demo. DM apparently 'fell in love' with the deluxe one and has chosen the fabric etc. It costs nearly £4600. This feels like an awful lot to me but apparently, it's tailor made for her spine, size etc.

Does anyone know if this is worth it? Of course, if it's a buy once buy the best situation and it'll change her life, fair enough, we'll find the funds. But I wouldn't spend that sort of money on anything without due diligence. I feel like we're being bounced into it. I'm also unsure of the wisdom of these chairs at all because might it exacerbate my mother's immobility?

So, if anyone has any knowledge on how much you need to spend and what's worth it, I'd be vvvv grateful.

I was under the impression from one of OP’s posts that she was the direct employer - not the agency. She has since posted to clarify that this isn’t the case. The poster I was answering was advocating that OP sack the carer for financial abuse and in the process, make her account for everything that had been purchased. My post was from the pov of OP being the direct employer and having to take care not to leave herself open to legal action when dismissing.

My mother had vascular dementia and had this spending obsession
When DF died I was left to move her in with me as she wouldn't have a carer go in
When I cleared the house and enormous shed we found 23 microves, over 30 toasters and countless other small appliances. All the people I knew had their children kitted out for uni
It took over 6 loads of a people carrier to clear the clothes, handbags and accessories
I hadn't realised it had got that bad
I had taken away her card but found she had written the details in a book and was ordering from everwhere blowing her way through 200k
This dementia exaggerated all her nastiness and her personality turned into a entitled princess (she was never that nice a person to begin with)
It got so bad and social services wouldn't do anything as we had 14 social workers in the space of 6 weeks I organised respite care 2 days a week but she wouldn't go
I feel for you I went through the same banging your head against a brick wall
It's a good thing you have already done POA as by the time I realised we needed it she was too far gone to sign the paperwork
I have made sure I have a will with everything detailed and reasons for it
My ED has POA over financial and medical issues and knows exactly what I would want if she had to use it

@mightybrunhilde that's so sad and must have been so difficult for you to realise and deal with how bad things had become. I think this happens a lot, people just seem to be coping until they really aren't and often the death of a spouse is the catalyst. With hindsight what would you have done differently? Do you think there are things that family can look out for if they aren't there 24/7 to oversee things?

Tell us you have no idea what’s involved with dementia care, without telling us you have no idea what’s involved in dementia care. OP didn’t say she spent hours organising carers - she said that time spent organising NHS services and liaising with other organisations, OT, GP, appointments, etc, is time consuming. And DM clearly changed her mind about going into a home, so can’t be forced. It’s all very well saying DM can spend her money how she likes, but if the dementia is affecting her ability to recognise the value of money and that she’s wasting vast amounts, then the LPA authorises OP to step in and stop it. She is ultimately responsible for how her DM’s money is spent once she has lost the capacity to control it herself.

Many people go into an LPA and agree to be an attorney without actually realising the amount of work involved once capacity starts to diminish. It can be a time consuming, thankless and lonely task.

My dad bought a brandnew faux leather riser recliner chair from care-co online for under £500 they also do fabric versions. it works brilliantly and is very comfortable. Dad is happy with it. there's definitely no need to spend thousands.

If you can persuade her to have a pre-loved chair (as a PP said unfortunately they don’t usually get long wear …) try your local British Heart Foundation for one, my friend got a lovely as-new one for £50!

Hi
If a rise and recline chair is necessary, an occupational therapist would do an assessment. Any equipment will be free, depending on her needs. It's not based on your financial situation. Is she having difficulty getting out of the chair? If your mum still has mental capacity, she can make her own choices. It's very difficult as you want to protect her. Do you have a good relationship with the carer? Can you talk to her about your concerns.

Just to say that there are usually 3 standard sizes, so important to get the right size. My dad needed a large one, my mum a small one. If I need one I need standard. I did sometimes sit on dad's old chair after he died and it wasn't easy for an able bodied not very elderly person to use. But if it fits am all for s cond hand personally