Why would my aging mother lie about this? *title amended by MNHQ*

[XmasStag]

A cousin of mine died a few years ago. Around about the time of his annivasary my aunt texted me to say thanks for the card and for the mass for X (her son's name).

I never knew any of this.

When I got home I asked my mother and she said she sent a card to her and she said she will get a mass said in his name and then she signed it from the two of us.

I never knew any of this.

Anyways my mother never went to the local priest and she never got any mass said. I reminded her a few times since then but all it did was anger her and it's clear she has no intention of getting any mass said.

Why would she lie on her dead nephew?
It's dispicable.

Well done turning and twisting everything and how dare you, you don't know me. I did send condolences but not with a card.

The issue is the lie. Not the mass. I never promised to get a mass said for the dead man. It was my mother who said she will get a mass said and couldn't be bothered doing it.

@XmasStag I don't think it's "great and good" either. But honestly it's not that bad. She forgot. She didn't gave the money for a donation. She knew you would make a big deal out of it. Who knows? Get the mass said and move on.

My aunt went through the biggest crisis of her life a few years ago when she and her husband found their son dead.

My mother acknowledged the anniversary of his death with a card and in it promised to get a mass said in his name and that was a lie from her. She had no intention of getting a mass said for him. She never should have wrote it. Not only that she left my name to that card and I only know of the lie because it was my aunt who texted me thanking me for the card and mass.

My mother would have been better off not sending the card or leaving out the mass part.

She lied and it's just the circumstances that she lied in and it's vile. It's not ok to do that and I do t know why there's so many people here who thinks it's ok to lie like that.

Too bad I'm not your mum. I'd be booting your critical nitpicking arse right out!
🥾

She has 37,000 grand in savings. She has the money. She didnt forget because I reminded her a few times since I learned about it and any time I make the suggestion of going to the priest house it results in anger from her. She had no intention of visiting the priest to get a mass said.

It's not about the mass. She lied and it's the circumstances that she lied in.

To take a dead nephew and promise her sister a mass for her dead son.

If it's so important why don't you get the mass done?

You do it.

Why do you think your mum lied @XmasStag ?

You are over reacting. Whether the mass happens or not will not actually make a difference to your aunt...she will think it did. I agree it's similar to saying I'll pray for you. It's a harmless lie which was meant to bring comfort.

Does your mother go to mass anyway? If so, she can offer it up for your cousin. That way she can say she did it.

Nobody's perfect. It sounds as if you just want a reason to be pissed off with your mum.

What do you want from this thread? You keep repeating the same things over and over.

It doesn’t provide comfort at all.
Not to those who don’t believe in God. Why would it?
Not to those who do believe in God and you’ve lied to, in particular because you don’t believe yourself.

I think it’s an utterly crap thing to do. The only person it might help feel better is you, by placarding someone who is actually grieving.

Until the aunt learns about it, one way or tte other.
That sort if lies always tend to come out when you least expect it.

Maybe she initially meant to do it and then just never got around to it and now thinks it's pointless or too late.

Fine. Yeah your mum is an evil twisted bitch and you should cut her off and never speak to her again.

Better?

Yeah, it's pretty shitty to lie about this just to make herself look good. "Look at me everyone, look how caring and compassionate I am towards my sister, I'm arranging a mass for her poor dead son!" - but she hasn't and won't actually do anything to follow through. It's all for show in front of her sister.

If she had said "I will light a candle for him in church" I think I'd feel differently, but talking about arranging a mass is saying l will commit to this big thing.

Has it made your aunt feel comforted? If so then job done. It can be filed with all of the other white lies that people say for comfort.

Mass has no practical purpose so no one is missing out on any actions.

I am sensing a massive backstory here.

Yes your mother has behaved a bit oddly. But it’s not crime of the century and if it bothers you that much make amends for it. Or just let it go.

No need for all the drama.

Yeah, move out. You sound awful.

You hate your mum. Whatever. Maybe you need a bit of space from her and her actions - it's all sounding a little enmeshed.

Sending a card showed thought. I wonder why she decided to sign your name to it as well though?

I'm not Catholic but I am Irish so I understand this is wrong. Either send a card with a card with a prayer inside or actually do requestvthe mass.
Just seems lazy and disrespectful to her own religion more than to her dead nephew who doesn't benefit from a prayer really.

If you are a practicing Catholic and you believe that saying a mass for the dead can help the deceased person have peace in heaven, it's actually quite a big deal if you don't actually do it.

It's like promising to do something to ease the suffering of a living person, and then not doing it.

Have you asked her about the mass? Have you asked her why she hasn't booked it?

Ps, I don't think it's despicable. She should feel free to send a card with a flower on it.

I wonder why your mother's approach bothers you so much?