Cockroach cafe 🪳 Summer 2023 🪳

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Welcome! I’ve done a really good clean of the place overnight, and brought in sweet peas, and raspberries from the garden to go with the scones and clotted cream.

Come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So 🪳 mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

Thanks, @EmmaEmerald . Neither are likely to be imminently fatal, chances beyond 5 years don't look so positive. I'm back on an even keel now, but was feeling really bad Thursday night after we saw his consultant, not from anything he said, but the thought that DH really is dying. Yes, it's always on the cards at our age, but not him!! I'm not ready to go it alone!

@MereDintofPandiculation sorry to hear that.

Oh no, @MereDintofPandiculation that's difficult news to hear.
I'm so sorry.

@MereDintofPandiculation sorry to read your post.

That must have been incredibly hard to hear, @MereDintofPandiculation .

I’m very sorry @MereDintofPandiculation

@MereDintofPandiculation I'm so sorry to hear this xx

Things rumble on as usual here. I havnt seen nan since Monday. I worked the rest of the week and then I had a sickness bug yesterday so not going in this weekend for her safety. Nan is absolutely fuming about this... She has seen my Sister Wednesday and BIL Thursday plus obviously the carers every day so she hasn't been abandoned. I feel drained when I see her and then guilty for feeling that way.

Mere if you don't mind me asking, is it early stage?

Thank you @TheShellBeach @seanbeanmarryme @DahliaMacNamara @funnelfan @Nodancingshoes for your good wishes. It does help.

@EmmaEmerald the cancer is stage 4 but prostate so slow growing compared to other cancers, the HF is causing cough and breathless and tiredness but apart from that he's still fit. Hence no imminent problems, just a lot of medical appts, but long term isn't good. At least he's talking seriously about LPAs. (We already have EPAs, but LPAs seem better, and there isn't a H&W EPA).

Visited Mum today, she has really declined over the last 2 weeks. Now bedridden and hardly eating and drinking. Apart from a couple of minutes she was sleep most of the time.

Mere is a pacemaker an option, if he wants?

sean I'm sorry, I know that's hard to see.

So sorry to see this.
It's very sad when they get so unwell, especially if they barely talk to you.

Youngest son flew home on a 48 hour visit to see MIL so we spent most of today at the care home. Really sad as it's most likely the last time he will see her unless she lasts until Christmas which, in the state she is in, would be awful.

It’s being talked about. Unfortunately we’ve got an induction hob. Who will cook Christmas dinner?

@seanbeanmarryme sorry about your mum’s decline. It’s very difficult.

Rotten to read your post @MereDintofPandiculation. Sending you and Mr Dint lots of positivity. Thinking of @countrygirl99 and @seanbeanmarryme and@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere .
Not an easy time.

Thanks @Mum5net

@countrygirl99 Difficult, isn’t it? Conflicting desires

Yep @MereDintofPandiculation you don't want to lose someone but hate to see them suffer and then there is the strain on family members.

Mere that made me lol!

So sorry to read that @MereDintofPandiculation. Thinking of you and mr Dint. 🌺🌺Had heard that re induction hob! A friends wife has had a pacemaker and now only doing things on the cooker from arms length!
thinking of you @seanbeanmarryme and @countrygirl99
and please look afte4 yourselves @IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere and @EmmaEmerald

@MereDintofPandiculation what hard news for you both. Hoping there is a hob solution...

A day on the motorway and visiting first DM and then MIL. I do feel lucky that both are set up in their nursing homes. Remembering what it was like when both were struggling at home, plus I was grieving dh, plus my godmother fell and got a major head injury, and then my dad had a stroke... that was about three years of hell. Solidarity to everyone going through that stage.

Now I can see that MIL is going rapidly downhill even in the past month or two, and in fact FIL can see it too which is a tribute to his daily visits and realism. I think there is part of him that is ready to let go, though we'll see when the time comes. She is asleep most of the time, eating and drinking odd mouthfuls, murmuring rather than talking. But she still knows him.

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts. I know it's not a competition but I do think everyone else's circumstances seem worse than mine. As I was saying to a friend today, at least my stresses are finite. So many have circumstances that I feel would break me if I had to go through them. Knowing that the day to day care of my DM is in caring and capable hands makes me feel so much better. At yesterday's visit every member of staff we spoke to said how pleased they were that she was home and how much they had missed her.

@MereDintofPandiculation so sorry to read about your DH. I hope you will be able to enjoy a good few years together.

THanks @thesandwich and @IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere Yeah, hopefully a good remaining time together. I'm pretty confident about the next year to 18 months, it's the sort of 5 year timescale which is hazy. And so really I'm on a par with everyone -how many of us can really say that their partner will still be around in 5 years? All sorts of accidents and sudden illnesses can happen.

Friend of mine who lost her husband said of the last year "it was a limited life, but it was a good life". She had the awfulness of diagnosis and all treatment being during Covid. Things could be worse.

Thanks @PermanentTemporary . I don't want to lose my hob! Can you soft boil eggs in the microwave?