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Elderly parents

Life expectancy sent by email - relative

598 replies

BillStickersIsInnocent · 13/04/2023 11:12

Hi, I hope someone can help.

I’m really shocked by this communication but I could well be missing something. A relative received an email after a CT scan saying he had inoperable lung cancer and giving him 2 years to live. 2 weeks later another email saying his scan had been sent to another clinician who has concluded he has 8 months to live.
This feels so cruel, I would have thought these conversations happen face to face or at least over the phone where you can ask questions.
Does anyone else have any experience of this type of communication?

OP posts:
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Feelridiculous · 15/04/2023 05:40

Rewis · 14/04/2023 23:43

Diagnoses are not sent via email. Sometimes doctor might accidentally publish the results to the patient in the online portal befire taking to them. But no doctor would email anything like this.

So the child is lying and dad ia believing? Or is the child being scammed? Is there are a financial demand or something? I'm assuming that the dad is the one being scammed. You should flat out say that you think he's being scammed cause doctors don't do emails like that. Then once he's asked for money he might have some voice in his head that makes him think.

The son must know if he has had x-rays, ct scans and if he did, would have had follow up from his GP or the hospital so I agree its not likely he is the one being scammed.

Ooolaaaala · 15/04/2023 07:22

@BillStickersIsInnocent are you non contact with the son and have only heard this through the parents?

Yespresh · 15/04/2023 07:41

Hospitals dont email you but you can have a hospital log in where you check appointments etc.

BillStickersIsInnocent · 15/04/2023 08:02

@Ooolaaaala yes pretty much non contact linked to his offence and past behaviour. I’ve learnt most of this through his parents but he did actually phone me after his alleged diagnosis to seek reconciliation. On this call I asked him about grade, stage etc and also treatment pathways. He deflected this and at the time I didn’t want to push. But there is a way in now for me to call him and see how he’s getting on.

OP posts:
niugboo · 15/04/2023 08:03

BillStickersIsInnocent · 14/04/2023 20:47

I have, nothing comes up. But that’s not unusual, I think many clinicians don’t have an online presence. However a “top oncologist” likely would I know!

They would come up. They all do.

BillStickersIsInnocent · 15/04/2023 08:10

Thank you so much @DepartureLounge for your post, it is so helpful.

I have an inkling too that father is suspicious. He copies things verbatim, and had written pallative (sic). I think if he had taken things at face value he would have written the correct spelling and chalked it up to an easy mistake to make/spell checker not working. It did strike me as odd.

OP posts:
Ooolaaaala · 15/04/2023 08:10

BillStickersIsInnocent · 15/04/2023 08:02

@Ooolaaaala yes pretty much non contact linked to his offence and past behaviour. I’ve learnt most of this through his parents but he did actually phone me after his alleged diagnosis to seek reconciliation. On this call I asked him about grade, stage etc and also treatment pathways. He deflected this and at the time I didn’t want to push. But there is a way in now for me to call him and see how he’s getting on.

Keep that line of communication open.

I would ring someone about elder financial abuse (anonymously at this point if it is more comfortable for you) as you might get some advice about what to look out for or what safeguards you can put in place.

Fremdschämen · 15/04/2023 10:12

You can search the GP Register (for primary care clinicians) and the Specialist Register (for hospital doctors). The Register will not tell you where a clinician is currently working. But as others have said, many hospitals have lists of consultants and their clinical teams on their websites, listed either by department or alphabetically.

Consultants will often be working for both the NHS and for local private hospitals, so you may also find a consultant plus his or her biography and areas of clinical interest listed on a local Nuffield or Circle Health Group website.

Our GP practice will send copies of test results via email if the patient does not have access to the surgery's online patient record portal or to the NHS app.

But communication with hospital consultants and clinical departments is usually via paper letter or by telephone. I have had the findings of an ultrasound scan discussed on the phone by the consultant who had ordered the scan as soon as he had received the report when the radiologist had reported a strong suspicion of malignancy and to tell me that I was being referred to oncology for further investigations under the 2WW pathway. But usually I am given results of scans or biopsies at face to face appointments or via paper letters.

All hospital consultants have NHS secretaries who may work for two or three consultants. They will communicate via telephone and email. Their names and email addresses are often included on the follow-up letters dictated by the consultant for whom they work.

Secretaries may use an NHS email address ending in nhs.net but each hospital has its own email address, for example, the secretaries at my local hospital have email addresses ending in this format and this is the format mostly used by them when responding to patient enquiries - not the nhs.net ending:

uhd.nhs.uk

It is not unusual for paper letters typed up from consultants' dictation to contain typos - so I would not be too suspicious if these alleged communications contain the odd typo.

But I would be looking closely at the message source details in these alleged emails that the sender's name and email address matches the secretary's details, as consultants don't as a rule communicate directly with patients via email.

If there is a secretary's name and email address, you may also be able to find these on Google searches and sometimes on the hospital's website along with the consultant's bio.

Appointments for scans and tests are usually sent to the patient by paper letter, though we have occasionally had phone calls offering very short notice tests with no confirmation of the appointment date by letter sent out, as there would not have been time to send these out before the appointment.

Angebot · 15/04/2023 12:19

I would honesrly pass them the link to this thread

Fremdschämen · 15/04/2023 13:10

Additionally, if he claims the emails originated from a consultant's secretary was there any "signature" text at the foot of these emails? For example, you might anticipate seeing similar text to this at the foot of all emails:

Jane Anybody | PA to: Mr C Smith, Mr M Jones and Miss T Williams

Anytown Cancer Services
University Hospitals Anycounty
Direct phone number and PA's email address(es)

URL for hospital website

My working days:
Monday – Thursday 9.30 – 4.30

Unsure33 · 15/04/2023 13:28

If he is seeking reconciliation with you perhaps there is a plea for money coming up . Could you play along with the reconciliation and offer to go to appointments with him ? If he refuses perhaps that might raise the parents spidery senses a bit more . If you can’t find the doctor there is definitely something odd going on .

Rosejasmine · 15/04/2023 13:28

the NHS would never send emails with that information.

Letters are sent to the patient’s GP copied to the patient and would always be marked ‘private and confidential ‘.
The oncologist or consultant’s name and contact details would be on any correspondence (which would never ever by email).
So either your family member is lying to gain sympathy or money, or they are the victim of a cruel hoax themselves. I’m leaning towards the former rather than the latter.

Rosejasmine · 15/04/2023 13:51

BillStickersIsInnocent · 13/04/2023 11:39

How to I approach this? Relative is late 40s and living with elderly and infirm parents. He has a history of manipulative and criminal behaviour and has been in prison for sex offences.

I would have a word - tell him the NHS has not done anything right, that he and should have had meetings, further tests, biopsies, and probably more than one CT scan (MRI, bone scan etc). He should have been assigned a specialist nurse and a treatment plan - they don’t just leave you to it on your own like that.
Importantly his GP would be made aware of the diagnosis and treatment plan and would definitely want a face to face meeting with him. Ask him what is his local hospital/cancer centre, who is the consultant or oncologist he has seen so far. Can he even tell you that? You will soon know if he’s lying (which sadly I think he is).
I would then go to the police with your suspicions if he carries on with this deception. Seriously…

BillStickersIsInnocent · 15/04/2023 14:22

I texted the father today to follow up from last night and that I can’t find any record of the “top oncologist” on the GMC register and that I’m very concerned all is not as it should be. He texted back to say they had just googled the dr and found a cancer specialist by his name in Karachi (!) and various others with the same name but different specialisms. Wtf.

I’m afraid I might now have burnt my bridges as I’ve texted back saying that I care for them both deeply and based on the information I have I am concerned they are at risk. I don’t think they are in any sort of headspace to believe it though.

OP posts:
BillStickersIsInnocent · 15/04/2023 14:24

I feel now for my own and my family’s well-being I need to step back as this has really taken its toll.

OP posts:
SmallAngryPenguinWoman · 15/04/2023 14:47

You've raised your concerns, it sounds like they don't want to hear them. But you've planted a seed of doubt, hopefully.

Fremdschämen · 15/04/2023 15:00

"Letters are sent to the patient’s GP copied to the patient and would always be marked ‘private and confidential ‘."

Note that some NHS consultants are now writing follow-up letters directly to the patient, then copying the patient's letter to the GP (as opposed to writing to the GP about the patient, in the third person, and sending a copy of the GP's letter to the patient).

NCTDN · 15/04/2023 15:16

BillStickersIsInnocent · 15/04/2023 14:24

I feel now for my own and my family’s well-being I need to step back as this has really taken its toll.

So sorry that ours had this impact as you are clearly just wanting to help Flowers

Rosula · 15/04/2023 17:52

Could he be persuaded to forward to emails to someone else, for example so that he and his parents can have a print-off? Then you could heck out the background a bit more.

Can you talk to any other relatives about your concerns, OP?

JingleBellez · 15/04/2023 20:44

Ask him the name of his Consultant and Lung Cancer Nurse. I've both.

JingleBellez · 15/04/2023 20:46

If he had possible LC he'd have had a needle biopsy - not a light undertaking.

niugboo · 15/04/2023 22:14

Cfcbaz · 14/04/2023 21:39

That sort of email would not come from an NHS.net account (I work in a hospital) hospitals have their own email email address domin, and the sender of the email would have a generic signature with their name, job title and contact information.
Even so, they would not email as it is not a verified contact.
If they were a 'top oncologist' they would definitely be google-able and will definitely be on the hospital website when searching the department.
I feel really sad that is happening to you and your family members. But the truth is, as likely that it is that this is a big fat lie, all you can do is try to show the family that they are lying and then leave it. You have tried your best to help them see through the lies. Even coming on here to seek advice. It seems like there is not much else you can do. Unfortunately, if after all of this, your family still believe it, you will have to leave them to it. I really hope all goes well for you all ❤

At the risk of adding credibility that’s not true. My sons consultant in west herts trust has a nhs.net email address. It’s consultant [email protected]

His secretary is the same format.

West herts trust.

niugboo · 15/04/2023 22:15

@Cfcbaz his community nursing team also use nhs.net.

tribpot · 15/04/2023 22:20

Yes hospitals vary between NHS.net and NHS.uk but regardless do not send emails of the type this person claims to have received.

Cfcbaz · 15/04/2023 22:25

niugboo · 15/04/2023 22:15

@Cfcbaz his community nursing team also use nhs.net.

Maybe it's just where I work. I have an NHS.net email but my patients and work colleagues all use my hospital domain. If I'm emailing GP surgery's we would use our nhs.net account.

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