Cockroach Cafe 🪳Autumn 2022 🪳

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Welcome! I’ve taken advantage of the relative quietness recently to have a good “spring” clean. And also install solar panels and get in a good supply of logs for the stove.

Come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So 🪳 mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

@Badger1970 Does this mean the hospice didn’t discharge him? I know that was a possibility.

@Mum5net He's basically still there, and looking incredibly frailer by the day - but they're incredibly short of beds (there is only 14 there, I believe). So the plan is to find a nursing home but it's not happening at any break neck speed thankfully. After being a belligerent old bugger for his first few days there, he's now so settled and happy and the staff are amazing. It breaks my heart to think we've got to move him but I have no bones with the hospice over it all. I know understand why people passionately fundraise for it locally.

Can we rename this "The High Calorie Cafe"?

Badger I am under the impression we don't have enough hospices, not sure if that's fact or feeling.

I google so you don't need to :-)

1g of cockroach contains 2 calories.

Yes we're very short on hospice beds sadly. This is the only one in our county that has in-patient beds, the other facilities are all day centres.

Sorry to ask silly questions, but what's the purpose of a day-only hospice?

Sorry, I will google that!

The day hospice where Dad is takes people with life limiting illnesses and it offers everything from counselling to therapies along with medical teams for symptom management. They do everything from art classes to physiotherapy and occupational therapy. It's like a one stop shop for accessing help/support in one place, and I think people go there in blocks of weeks.

Thanks, yes I've just looked at them.

how are you holding up?

Mum has rallied. She's much frailer but eating again. I should be glad but I'm not. My guess is that we're looking at weeks more of slow bumpy decline with more rushes to the bedside.

I am glad, though, yp have been around long enough to make a thorough nuisance of myself to the GP and AHPs and I think I have now bashed out all the ambiguities in the care plan. No more antibiotics for any reason. Nothing changed without ringing me.

PermanentTemporary oh. Um. Right. There are things I don't like to type out but

I feel for you.

When my dad was dying, he took so long about it, I had a sort of repeat thing in my head that was like hysteria chant - but I took a dark pleasure in saying it in my head. Luckily it never came out of my mouth.

How are you holding up? Like I say, I really wish I had spent less time there at his side and more time doing normal stuff.

@PermanentTemporary completely understand what you’re saying. Please look after yourself- you can’t maintain high alert for an indefinite time.
@Badger1970 i hope you can get some more high quality care for your dad.
Hospices are amazing, but have such limited capacity.
thanks for the heads up @IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere re calorific cockroaches…..

@EmmaAgain22 yup I can imagine all too well.

Back to work tomorrow. Very tired and a bit shell shocked, but I'm going to be too guilty if I am not at the nursing home tomorrow not to be at work. I'll go back to the home on Sunday afternoon but I have a really nice Fri eve and Saturday planned.

I do feel we are at long last in the final weeks or just possibly months. Surely, surely she can't go in much longer.

I'm struggling to hold things together at the moment. From thinking Dad was going to die 2 weekends ago to now slowly facing the horror of a slow decline too... Dad's drinking well, and they're feeding him smoothies, ice cream so his calorie intake is lots better. But weight has fallen off him horrendously - he was around 16 stone before the cancer, he's now around 11 stone His life consists of sitting in a chair or lying in bed watching TV and chatting to family when we're there. Christmas is now going to be arranged around a schedule of visiting and at some point moving him to a nursing home. I thought nothing could be worse than losing him, but watching this slow painful death he's going through is horrendous beyond words.

I've had a glass of wine so if you were within reach Badger you'd find yourself being hugged a lot. This step down, limp along, dip, rally, limp along, step down process is absolutely exhausting.

Gosh there seem to be a few of us in the same boat. Dm (88) fell and broke her hip Sunday. Emergency hip replacement on Monday and by Tuesday she had pneumonia. Intravenous anti b's and oxygen administered but I had a call today from the doctor to say she is not responding. If by the end of the course there is no response then they shall be making her comfortable (his words).

I saw her yesterday and we had a few good chats, today she did not know who I was and was delirious. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Love and strength to all of you going through this will they/won't they time-wine helps

Right....and where's the bloody light at the tunnel, I thought to myself.

Permanent and Badger I can only say I know what it's like. I wish I could say something more helpful.

Oh yes, hello, I think we talked on another thread.

I wasn't a drinker when dad was dying. This time, with mum in hospital, I had a hip flask, think I had vodka at 9am one time after zero sleep. It's good to have a drink.

@OnthePiste I guess it's the time of year... I hope the best outcome happens for her.

And a female Blatta orientalis (one of the two species likely
to be encountered in the UK weighs 0.95g.

So that’d be the “Two Calorie Cafe” then?

Hello, I’ve just discovered this thread and I hope you don’t mind me bagging a chair and pulling up at the table. I have been nodding away at the conversation about getting calories into our loved ones, regardless of whether we’d consider them “healthy” or not.

Sadly, it looks like my DM’s long, slow decline is accelerating. Over the last week she’s no longer safe to be left on her own at home and it looks like we’ll be trying to find residential care at short notice. If anyone has any hints or tips please do let me know.

We requested a social care assessment from her local authority in July, when she was starting to really struggle. She’s only just now been assigned a social worker and we’re meeting her for the first time tomorrow. It’s been a frustrating wait, but actually the timing is perfect because of her new sudden decline. My DB and are are a bit clueless and overwhelmed and hopefully the SW will be able to signpost to the services we need.

Welcome @funnelfan plenty of room for all! Sorry to hear about your DM. There are a few threads on this board about looking at care homes- age uk I think do a checklist, go for recommendations if you can, judge by the staff, manager, how they interact with residents- smell, if residents look cared for and engaged, cqc report as a guide…
Big hugs for everyone on the long goodbyes. Dm had a fall last week, and seems confused again after one lot of anti bs. Fingers crossed doc visiting tomoz.
cockroach all

funnel sorry to hear that

how's she doing at the mo? Is it funding or speed of finding a place - you might want to ask for respite first?

sandwich oh dear, poor mum. Is the doctor doing a home visit?

This thread and just being understood is a lifeline. Bless you all for being so kind

Feel for lots of you right now.

True story but when DM’s first care home was force closed by Care Commission there were 11 in her wing who had three weeks to relocate. Despite all the problems, this was a tight little family who had been together for about a year with no one dying. There was immense relative scurrying to see if vacancies existed nearby. In those three weeks five of the group died one after the other. Literally, each elderly person just faded in their own way. This thread reminds me of that time. Just like a family connected by unusual circumstances but all in tune.