Cockroach cafe 🪳 Spring 2022 🪳

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Welcome! Those of you who have been before will notice the Bad Daughters’ Room is now called the Kumquat Room, and there are a couple of fine kumquats in the Conservatory.

Check also the Stationery cupboard with, among other things, the 🪳emoticon ready to cut and paste.

Anyway, come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So 🪳 mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

Mum managed a short walk today
But is now coughing and bringing up phlegm

Happy Easter to all 🐣

Hope you're all OK?

Mums coming here for lunch tomorrow as neither of my siblings have offered 🙄😡

Tbh she pretty much eats then leaves so won't be an issue. She's eating tiny portions too atm.

Have any of you travelled with an elderly frail person before?

Its 7 weeks til we go to a European city for 3 days. Nice hotel booked, restaurants booked and am going to contact the airline for assistance/wheelchair.

We've hired a large suv type car so we can all fit in easily.

Any tips? Anything I should be aware of? I'm starting a worry a bit 😬

Happy Easter all.

We're at mum's tonight as it's dad's birthday today and obviously Easter tomorrow. Was a little fraught initially but peace is prevailing now (touch wood).

@ChiswickFlo can't help on the travel front...mum had no interest, thankfully. Taking her out for a meal is drama enough!

@VeryMuchFlaggingMinty

Happy Easter all.

We're at mum's tonight as it's dad's birthday today and obviously Easter tomorrow. Was a little fraught initially but peace is prevailing now (touch wood).

@ChiswickFlo can't help on the travel front...mum had no interest, thankfully. Taking her out for a meal is drama enough!

Hope peace continues to prevail!

@ChiswickFlo you are very brave! No suggestions sorry, except maybe barrier cream for soreness? Dm uses medi derm- was prescribed but you can get it from amazon.
@Knotaknitter thanks- I am enjoying the sunshine, and meeting one or two friends outside is wonderful.
@VeryMuchFlaggingMinty hope the peace continues.
Happy Easter all!!

@ChiswickFlo

I went away with my mum a few times but always by train. We did a day trip to Bath, Disneyland (my daughters came too) and our last trip together was to Brussels.

We booked assistance and it was very simple. The only issue if you can call it that was getting a taxi that would take the wheelchair but that obviously is not going to be a problem for you as you are hiring a car.

Have you made sure that there is a lift to your mum's room? Our hotel in Brussels had a lift but it was too small to fit the wheelchair with mum in it! We stayed in the city centre so we were able to take our bags back to our room and sit and rest in the middle of the day although that was more for my benefit than mum's.

I've come to the conclusion that the kindest thing we can do for our children is make sure ability to entertain ourselves if left on our own. DB1 got a blast from mum yesterday because she is lonely. DB2 and I were there last weekend, DB1 was there 3 times in the week and I'm going up today but apparently it's not enough.

It doesn't help that she is convinced that there are big family gatherings going on that she is excluded from - the last one was dad's funeral, next one is a summer wedding! But at least it was DB1 got the blast which is fair given the wedding invite palaver the other week.

@countrygirl99

I've come to the conclusion that the kindest thing we can do for our children is make sure ability to entertain ourselves if left on our own. DB1 got a blast from mum yesterday because she is lonely. DB2 and I were there last weekend, DB1 was there 3 times in the week and I'm going up today but apparently it's not enough.

Totally agree!

I'm considering starting an OU degree in October (I'll be 50..) to keep me occupied :)

Re: city break - Mum won't be using a wheelchair whilst there just at the airport (dont get me started...) as its quite far from the gate to the terminal.

There is a lift at the hotel and the 3rd night she is in a ground floor garden room in a b&b.

I'm going to ask for preventative antibiotics just in case to take with us.

It's a short flight but her ankles will swell (can't wear compression stockings as she has pvd)

We are only allowed 7kgs of on flight luggage going there so that'll be interesting. Packing light is not mums strong point :)

Happy Easter all 🐣

@countrygirl99 Mum's story was that she was all alone, she never went anywhere or saw anyone or spoke to a soul all week. For her, that was how she lived.

She spoke to me twenty times a day on the phone and I was there for three hours a day, every day. When we were allowed we went to the shops, garden centres, the library, out for coffee but because she couldn't remember having done it, it had never happened.

I’m so relieved to have found this group. Not ready to post details yet but just reading posts may help me to endure.

@ChiswickFlo I'm ten years older than you and part of the reason for starting my OU degree two years ago was that it was something that my mum would respect and therefore give me time to do. So I knew that I would have an hour or two every day when she would not call me. Find something that really interests you and go for it. I have enjoyed my current module so much. I have two essays to do in the next five weeks and I am finished for the year. I have loved every minute so far. Go for it.

Also hello @HerkyBaby. There are some amazing people here who have kept me sane over the past year or so.

[quote Knotaknitter]@countrygirl99 Mum's story was that she was all alone, she never went anywhere or saw anyone or spoke to a soul all week. For her, that was how she lived.

She spoke to me twenty times a day on the phone and I was there for three hours a day, every day. When we were allowed we went to the shops, garden centres, the library, out for coffee but because she couldn't remember having done it, it had never happened.[/quote]
That's pretty much like my mum's story. I honestly think even if I was with her 23 hours a day, she would only remember the one hour that she was on her own. With dementia, it is never enough. She is currently in respite care and I have to say I am enjoying the silence!

Happy Easter all

Welcome @HerkyBaby glad the thread helps but sorry it's needed.

@countrygirl99 I am increasingly convinced our mums are related. The contant moaning about how lonely and abandoned she is drives me up the wall!

We've had a mildly trying stay...lots of spurious musings about the neighbour's activities...

...A knock on my bedroom door this morning to announce that she was 'going to sit on the toilet'

The latest theories about L and his family...last night, following a last minute volte face about having a curry in dad's memory last night.

The usual turbo whinge about DD and I being on our phones (I was reading the news whilst about 2 mouthfuls into my first cup of coffee this morning)

And a list of chores...

@ChiswickFlo I am in awe of your insanity fortitude and optimism!

Oh dear God...she's just had a massive toddler tantrum because I suggested I mow the lawn tomorrow afternoon instead of this morning.

Seriously a good half hour of stropping and abuse because I said the lawn was damp and would be better cut tomorrow afternoon.

I have now mowed the lawn.

@VeryMuchFlaggingMinty at least I don't have an L to deal with.
We've had a difficult week with FIL as well - 2 paramedic visits, 3 GP home visits, 1 call from the fall alarm people and a phone call from an occupational therapist standing on his doorstep wanting the code for the keybox. But there's no point him phoning 111/999/GP as you can't get anyone to come. Well, I'm sure nobody else can as they are all round his house!

@HerkyBaby

I’m so relieved to have found this group. Not ready to post details yet but just reading posts may help me to endure.

💙

[quote IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere]@ChiswickFlo I'm ten years older than you and part of the reason for starting my OU degree two years ago was that it was something that my mum would respect and therefore give me time to do. So I knew that I would have an hour or two every day when she would not call me. Find something that really interests you and go for it. I have enjoyed my current module so much. I have two essays to do in the next five weeks and I am finished for the year. I have loved every minute so far. Go for it.[/quote]
Thank you. I'm thinking of doing art history

@VeryMuchFlaggingMinty

Welcome *@HerkyBaby* glad the thread helps but sorry it's needed.

@countrygirl99 I am increasingly convinced our mums are related. The contant moaning about how lonely and abandoned she is drives me up the wall!

We've had a mildly trying stay...lots of spurious musings about the neighbour's activities...

...A knock on my bedroom door this morning to announce that she was 'going to sit on the toilet'

The latest theories about L and his family...last night, following a last minute volte face about having a curry in dad's memory last night.

The usual turbo whinge about DD and I being on our phones (I was reading the news whilst about 2 mouthfuls into my first cup of coffee this morning)

And a list of chores...

@ChiswickFlo I am in awe of your insanity fortitude and optimism!

Oh it's definitely insanity 😳 😬 🤣

@VeryMuchFlaggingMinty

Oh dear God...she's just had a massive toddler tantrum because I suggested I mow the lawn tomorrow afternoon instead of this morning.

Seriously a good half hour of stropping and abuse because I said the lawn was damp and would be better cut tomorrow afternoon.

I have now mowed the lawn.

Ah, yes. Lawns... Mum made my life a misery after dad died about the bloody lawns. I then refused to do it anymore (if had to be right away, this minute..) So she got a gardener. :)

[quote countrygirl99]@VeryMuchFlaggingMinty at least I don't have an L to deal with.
We've had a difficult week with FIL as well - 2 paramedic visits, 3 GP home visits, 1 call from the fall alarm people and a phone call from an occupational therapist standing on his doorstep wanting the code for the keybox. But there's no point him phoning 111/999/GP as you can't get anyone to come. Well, I'm sure nobody else can as they are all round his house![/quote]
Sounds like him being at home is becoming untenable??

@ChiswickFlo he has recentlybeen told his prostate cancer has spread and his body won't stand chemo due to his multitude of other conditions so he's panicking. He can't take morphine for pain and is racking up side effects to alternatives as well. He is also the main carer for severely disabled MIL who regularly wakes screaming. All in all thing would be a lot better if MIL was in a home but he won't even discuss it. DH is taking him to an oncology appointment next week when we will find out more, then he will phone SS and make sure that they are aware that he is convinced that 24 hour home care for MIL will appearas soon as he can no longer cope. There is no bedroom for an overnight carer, SS have told him it won't happen, but he won't hear what he doesn't want to hear. He hasn't told MIL he has cancer in the 3 years since diagnosis. It's going to be a total shit show.

[quote countrygirl99]@ChiswickFlo he has recentlybeen told his prostate cancer has spread and his body won't stand chemo due to his multitude of other conditions so he's panicking. He can't take morphine for pain and is racking up side effects to alternatives as well. He is also the main carer for severely disabled MIL who regularly wakes screaming. All in all thing would be a lot better if MIL was in a home but he won't even discuss it. DH is taking him to an oncology appointment next week when we will find out more, then he will phone SS and make sure that they are aware that he is convinced that 24 hour home care for MIL will appearas soon as he can no longer cope. There is no bedroom for an overnight carer, SS have told him it won't happen, but he won't hear what he doesn't want to hear. He hasn't told MIL he has cancer in the 3 years since diagnosis. It's going to be a total shit show.[/quote]
Oh fuck ☹️

I mean...its not gonna be his choice much longer, is it? 😞