Cockroach cafe 🪳 Spring 2022 🪳

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Welcome! Those of you who have been before will notice the Bad Daughters’ Room is now called the Kumquat Room, and there are a couple of fine kumquats in the Conservatory.

Check also the Stationery cupboard with, among other things, the 🪳emoticon ready to cut and paste.

Anyway, come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So 🪳 mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

@VeryMuchFlaggingMinty

Have finally got mum to a U3A meeting this afternoon...she was so nervous. Ot was like dropping a toddler off for their first day at nursery!

Hope it goes well!

Looks like mum is being discharged tomorrow (just like last year...)

At least they have booked her colonoscopy/follow up for 6 weeks time

I'll need to go and sort the flat out, get her some food basics in etc tomorrow morning

She's asked for pads to help with accidents...what do you suggest? Tena? She needs something padded ideally

Mum uses the the Always ones...they're a bit cheaper I think and do the job.

Both currently on offer in Tesco if that's any help.

Thanks @VeryMuchFlaggingMinty
The always and Tena make her sore apparently so I've ordered some from amazon...I'll see how she goes

If you have a home bargains or similar near they do similar ones for much cheaper. Be aware that she needs to change them regularly to avoid UTI. Sometimes the always ones are scented which causes the sore problems for some

@Lightuptheroom

If you have a home bargains or similar near they do similar ones for much cheaper. Be aware that she needs to change them regularly to avoid UTI. Sometimes the always ones are scented which causes the sore problems for some

Yes it's definitely the latexy covet that's the issue

Shes retaining urine now so has had a USS and has to have another tomorrow

Mums coming home

Also, puppy pee pads are great for the bed and I also put them on the floor to protect the carpet when mum was really bad.

Age UK have a really good range of reasonably priced pads, pants and bed protectors

Thanks

She's home and considering what she's been through seems ok

Just here to vent - I've been here venting previously, but had a PC crash and have had to get a new Mumsnet account, hence my name change.

My mother could try the patience of a saint. She lives with my sister, who seems to manage to detach better than me. Before Christmas we organised DM to be seen by OT and Physio. Physio told DM her walking stick was making her walk with her weight thrown to one side causing the back pain she keeps complaining about, and that she should use a walking frame instead. She gave her a walking frame which my mother steadfastly refuses to use - she says it's too heavy. It's so light weight I can pick it up with one finger and my mother is capable of carrying round a large tote bag full of her bits and pieces that is far heavier than the frame.

When we go out she wants to hold my arm because her walking stick doesn't give her enough balance. I'm now getting pain in my arm which lasts for several days, right in the place where her weight rests on it. I asked her yesterday if she could walk without holding my arm because I was getting so much pain. I said it quite calmly but she accused me of getting excited and upset. She must have been projecting her feelings on to me because she was the one getting excited and upset and she ended up hobbling/tripping along the road crying. So, much to my disappointment and annoyance with myself, I gave in. If only she'd use that bloody walking frame she'd be able to balance properly and my arm wouldn't be throbbing.

Hmm. Frames are quite awkward, especially outside (my mother uses one). How would the physio feel about a 4 wheeled walker?

Totally with you about not being able to cope with a person using you as a frame though. Maybe stop going out with her and just visit for a chat?

If she doesn’t want to use a frame, what about a couple of walking poles? Not quite so much associated with old age and decrepitude.

FIL has provided today's panic. SIL phones every morning to check they are OK. This morning all she got was he is in so much pain but nothing sensible like where hurts. She is committed to looking after her nephew (both parents in hospital) and she and BIL share a car so he couldn't go either. Other BIL is working about 5 hours away. So DH phoned FIL and finds out it's chest pain but he was refusing to call 999, 111 or his GP. Eventually DH persuades him to call 111 who send an ambulance which arrived quickly on blues and twos. It's indigestion! And this isn't the first time either. But he doesn't see why he should have some gaviscon handy. DH made a point of telling him that this weekend no-one could go round to look after MIL as he doesn't have enough diesel to get there and all the garages round our way are empty. Maybe it will sink in but I doubt it.

Current problem is finding somewhere that will unsure mum for the trip to Dublin...
Sigh

I've found one which quoted me £900...

Try Age UK website I'm sure they have advice/recommendations

Sorted.
For £250.

I think I'm going to ask for preventative antibiotics for mum to take with us just in case...

@ChiswickFlo

I think I'm going to ask for preventative antibiotics for mum to take with us just in case...

That sounds like a good idea. My mum's GP is always happy to hand them out.

We're having a absolute nightmare with the acre company.

Mum currently has L alternate weeks 11-1 and 12.30-3.30. He originally was 12.30-2.30 on the short week but we changed at their request about a year ago, even though mum really doesn't like the earlier time.

They've now asked if we will change the alternate weeks to a 11.30 - 2.30 slot so they can accommodate a new client after mum.

Mum absolutely doesn't want to do this. She doesn't sleep well so likes to be able to able to go at her own pace in the morning, potter about and get her chores done and enjoys having company in the afternoon to break the day up.

We've explained this, and that I have made my arrangements around the existing hours but they are refusing to take no for an answer.

After a convo on Friday with the local person who basically tried to emotionally blackmail and threaten us into agreeing with their request (our carers need to earn money to pay their bills. L has said to mum on multiple occasions he likes not having another client after her that week. The other was "well it's a shame if your mum won't be flexible as she might lose L is we have to change the shifts".

I phoned the head office, absolutely fuming, who came back with a load of excuses.

Today I had a call from local bod again which I didn't answer, followed by an email reiterating the changes they want to put in place this Wednesday!

I've replied that we can't make changes this week as I'm having a medical procedure on Wednesday but will speak to mum again and see if we can't come to some arrangement by the 27th.

Mum is so distressed by all this to-ing and fro-ing. She's been crying her eyes out this morning and although L has been a thorn in my side I think the agency are behaving appallingly.

It's not unusual for an elderly person to struggle to cope with change, plus it's dad's birthday this week and the anniversary next month so she's more fragile than usual.

AIBU to dig my heels in? I feel like raising it with the CQC tbh.

Is MintyMum willing to risk them following through and switching her to another member of staff? Not that I think this would be a bad idea at all, two faces, two different sets of conversations and if one of them leaves she still has some continuity with the other. If so I'd be going with No, definitely no, don't ask again, send someone else to meet the contracted hours at the agreed time or confirm that you are unable to provide staff for the agreed hours.

Mum absolutely doesn't want to do this. She doesn't sleep well so likes to be able to able to go at her own pace in the morning, potter about and get her chores done and enjoys having company in the afternoon to break the day up.

That says it all, she has to choose whether she'd rather have L at the wrong time or someone else at the right time. No-one can choose this for her, she has to decide for herself. If they aren't able to provide care at the hours agreed is there another agency locally who could? It would be a shame if she had to take her custom elsewhere..

I think they are behaving appallingly minty

I've spoken to someone else at the local office who who is going speak to person 1 and try and sort something out.

Mum's a feisty old bird but her cognitive function is definitely declining which is a worry and I think she's beginning to realise so she's feeling more vulnerable than usual and she's really anxious and upset because nothing is confirmed, not even this week.

I'm having a coil fitted on Wednedsay and starting HRT so the last thing I need is to be having to worry about mum/deal with hysterics.

We've been getting on so much better lately I actually feel really protective of her.

Its not fair to mess around vulnerable elderly people like this.

Hope Wednesday goes well x

Just took mum for her covid booster (which I had to cancel last week)
She really struggled with the walk from the car to the pharmacy....the bloody main road is closed due to resurfacing.

Sigh.

@ChiswickFlo

I'm starting to have a lot more empathy which all the things elderly people have to cope with recently...I think Mum being genuinely more vulnerable since she hurt her knee has made me see things a bit differently.

Have now had a message from the agency saying that they will leave things as they are for this Wednesday and be in touch later in the week about regular arrangements....

I would dearly love to tell them where to stuff their regular arrangements. The thing is, we've generally been quite flexible with the previous change and other one-off alterations, yet when mum wanted to move her slot a while back they refused as the person before/after her 'wouldn't budge' on her timeslot, so why they are putting so much pressure on us I haven't a clue.

Call me a cynic but it'll be about money...

They'll have a new client who wants far more slots than your mum...

I have to say I've had my eyes opened in recent years how the non rich elderly are treated