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Elderly parents
Original poster

Cockroach Cafe - come and try our new sunroom

989 replies

MereDintofPandiculation · 20/11/2021 20:45

Welcome, come and see our new sunroom/conservatory, open just in time for the colder weather, and opens straight off the Bad Daughter’s room.

Anyway, come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Sunnyday321 · 04/02/2022 14:51

@freshcarnation If your mother has been officially classed as palliative ( and unless it's changed from a few years ago ) there should not be a charge for her care.

NewYearNewMinty · 04/02/2022 16:50

Hi all.

@thesandwich glad to hear you're not suffering too much with the chemo as yet.

@MereDintofPandiculation lovely that your dad is still doing okay. He sounds like such a character and when you write about him it reminds me of my dad Smile.

@countrygirl99 I am so, so sorry you're having to go through this, bereavement is hard enough on its own. I hope you're getting all the love and support you need right now.

I've been reading the thread but not posting much as there's so little to report I feel a bit of an imposter.

Mum and I have been plodding along okay since the beginning of the year. A few niggles as per, but nothing major.

She's pretty much decided to stay put in her house until they carry her out now and is looking again at having a downstairs loo added. Who knows how long that idea last!

Finances are a struggle atm so have been full throttle job hunting. Had 2 interviews, one of which resulted in a very near miss but positive feedback and the possibility of another opportunity with the company in future.

Had an informal video call this week and am waiting to hear if they want to do a formal interview, and have another telephone interview lined up next week.

Have an extensive long list of other jobs to apply for.

Was messing about with my best mate on the online dating apps a couple of weeks ago and ended up having my first proper date in 25 years Grin. Didn't amount to a romance but was a really a fun night out. Am not really in the right headspace atm so won't continue when the month's membership expires later this month, but it's been fun chatting to people.

Have started writing again and made some more time to look after myself...have had or got in place appts lined up for all the health stuff I've been neglecting, and started seeing a weight management counsellor through the NHS.

So touch wood, a positive start to 2022...I finally feel like I'm taking baby steps forward for the first time in 3 years.

TheIoWfairy · 04/02/2022 16:59

Thanks @thesandwich. Life bumps along here. I feel for those of you doing this and chemo, must be so tough.
@countrygirl99 whatever is next?!
Had further conversation with my mum about the sudden appearance of the new lodger - I've apparently got it all wrong because 'she's really nice'. Cynical me thinks 'I bet she is'!
Anyway having someone there might actually be a blessing as it turns out that countless acquaintances, friends and neighbours have a spare key 'just in case' - and we've forgotten exactly who we've handed them out toHmm.
Anyway, despite above, mum and I had a nice chat today and there are no urgent issues so I'm concentrating on my teenager for a bit and planning nice social events for the summer, like non-cockroach people do Smile

thesandwich · 04/02/2022 17:23

Great to hear the no news is good news and plodding along, plus making plans for ourselves. Go @NewYearNewMinty and don’t look back.
@countrygirl99 keep an eye but step back.
Thanks for the good wishes all. Saw dm who commented that turbans are all the fashion…. Extent of comments but I suspect she’s in denial a bit and can’t really think about it. My kind dh’s view which I’ll.
hang on to.
Cockroach all and make time for us, as @TheIoWfairy describes so well!!

notaflyingmonkey · 05/02/2022 06:35

Question for those of you with experience of nursing homes - what happens about getting the person to hospital appointments? DM has a few coming up and given she can't walk or sit unaided, that means some form of ambulance I guess?

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 05/02/2022 07:55

Lovely to hear your good news minty

Friend told me they’d got chatting to someone at the swimming pool who turned out to work at my dad’s nursing home. She says he’s her favourite resident because “he does what he’s told and always says thank you”. Hmm - not sure what to make of that

nota mine call a wheelchair accessible taxi, and charge me for the accompanying carer. But that sounds as if it wouldn’t be adequate for your mum

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 05/02/2022 08:08

Nota a friend said that he was charged for ambulance transport for his mum.

Knotaknitter · 05/02/2022 08:49

Great to hear from you Minty. I'm glad to hear that you're writing again.

@notaflyingmonkey mum's hospital visits in nursing were all emergency so no experience here, when she was in a rehab place after knee surgery a few years ago they arranged patient transport and I met her at outpatients. Have you asked the nursing home what they do about arranging transport?

thesandwich · 05/02/2022 10:15

@notaflyingmonkey great advice here re transport…. Also worth checking if any appts can be video/ phone.
Saw ambulance crew bringing lady in for chemo from a care home this week.

notaflyingmonkey · 05/02/2022 16:38

I had a terrible visit with DM today. She was sobbing, completely disorientated, thought she'd been kidnapped. It seems that she hates the hoist that they use to get her in and out of bed, and thinks it is an instrument of torture - literally. I spent the hour struggling not to burst into tears myself.

TheIoWfairy · 05/02/2022 16:56

Oh no, nota. That's upsetting! Can you suggest the 'flying carpet' option? How awful for you.
It's really not great this🪳life. Thank goodness for this cafe!

TheIoWfairy · 05/02/2022 16:59

@notaflyingmonkey , is she as usual otherwise?

thesandwich · 05/02/2022 17:14

Oh @notaflyingmonkey I’m so sorry. 🌺🍫🍷 for you. She will be different again in a few hours. Take care

notaflyingmonkey · 05/02/2022 17:48

I don't think I've ever seen her anything other than stoic, so it was a shock.

The hand that was paralysed in the stroke seemed to be causing her problems, pain and the fingers were badly swollen, so I asked if they could get a Dr to look at it.

TheIoWfairy · 05/02/2022 17:56

That's a good plan - hope it's all ok

NewYearNewMinty · 05/02/2022 18:55

@notaflyingmonkey

I'm sorry you've had a bad visit. Hope your mum's hand is seen to soon and that helps her feel better.

My mum had an absolute bee in her bonnet about dad getting out of bed and into an armchair so he could be with other residents. He wasn't interested in the latter and absolutely hated the hoist, so the carers at the home took him at his word.

countrygirl99 · 05/02/2022 19:00

@notaflyingmonkey 💐

Knotaknitter · 05/02/2022 19:43

@notaflyingmonkey I am so sorry. It's always hard to work out whether the snapshot we see on a visit is representative of the rest of their week. You could be miserable for the next couple of days without knowing that she's switched tack and has forgotten about it. At the end of the day there is nothing that you can do. That in itself is hard after years of fixing issues before they become problems, to come up against something that can't be fixed.

I have come out and been sobbing by the time I got through the back door. The first few months where mum was planning to go home were hard, I was much happier once she had settled.

notaflyingmonkey · 06/02/2022 09:31

thank you all for the support. This cafe has been a much appreciated lifeline over the years.

countrygirl99 · 07/02/2022 15:12

So, the funeral is over. It all went smoothly, the weather was lovely, I didn't crack too much reading a poem and mum coped ok. Seeing old friends brought her out of herself. Hopefully she will settle a bit more now, only time will tell.

thesandwich · 07/02/2022 15:16

🌺🌺@countrygirl99. Sounds like you did him proud

Knotaknitter · 07/02/2022 16:07

@countrygirl99 I'm glad that it went off well and that it's behind you now. The thing I worried about most was the weather which is daft because there's nothing you can do to control it.

countrygirl99 · 07/02/2022 16:33

I hope we did him proud. There was a good turnout. I was surprised how many of mum and dad's friends are still going tbh.

freshcarnation · 07/02/2022 19:54

Well done @countrygirl99 so please it went off well

whatever45 · 07/02/2022 22:08

Hi Minty, I remember you from a good few years back, good to hear how things are with you.
@countrygirl99 so pleased it all went well, thinking of you .