Cockroach Cafe - come and try our new sunroom

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Welcome, come and see our new sunroom/conservatory, open just in time for the colder weather, and opens straight off the Bad Daughter’s room.

Anyway, come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

@countrygirl99

Dad is sedated because he was getting distressed but he responds so he knows they are there. Only 2 visitors allowed even at this stage so youngest DB and I won't get to say goodbye.

Oh, love...I am sorry xxxx

@countrygirl99

Oh sweetheart I'm so very sorry.

I hope you have people around to lean on and take care of you xx

DH is great and.my horse has a very soggy neck this evening.

Horses are the best listeners x

@countrygirl99 I am so sorry for you, those visiting restrictions are harsh given that they've said that he's not expected to recover from this.

@countrygirl99 so tough

Best wishes at this difficult time Country

And from me too countrygirl99

@countrygirl99

How are you doing?

I don't know if this would be of any help re your situation. This is the official government advice on end of life visiting. Your dad should be allowed more than 2 visitors.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/visiting-care-homes-during-coronavirus/update-on-policies-for-visiting-arrangements-in-care-homes#visits-in-all-circumstances

1.2 End of life visits
Key message
Visits at the end of life should always be supported, without limiting the number of visitors. Families and residents should be supported to plan end of life visiting carefully, with the assumption that visiting will be enabled to happen not just towards the very end of life, and that discussions with the family take place in good time.

Visitors for visits of this nature should be tested using lateral flow tests. For information on how to test, see the guidance on rapid lateral flow testing in adult social care settings.

End of life care (for residents in care homes) means identifying early those who are in their last year of life, and offering them the support to live as well as possible and to then die with dignity. NHS guidance on end of life care is available to support this process, as well as advice from the British Geriatric Society. There is a role for care home staff to support residents with end of life care, and visiting is an essential factor in this.

The enhanced health in care homes service provides a framework for support from general practice, the care home clinical leads and local multidisciplinary teams (which may include community nurses and professionals as well as specialised palliative care teams).

This support involves early identification, as well as a personalised care and support planning approach with good communication with the individual, their relatives and care home staff through the weekly home care round. The British Geriatric Society advice can support communication.

As a resident approaches the last months, weeks and days of their life, it continues to be important to communicate well to enable good and timely decisions around care. Planning these visiting arrangements should proceed from the assumption that visits are enabled in the final months and weeks of life – not just the final days or hours – albeit recognising that these timelines can be difficult to determine with accuracy.

He's in hospital though so the rules on visiting care homes don't apply. I agree that it should be less restrictive than this, two visitors at a time I could understand but not the same two on all occasions.

MIL has covid, her care home closed to vistors last week because of outbreaks in staff. All residents are confined to their rooms for as long as it takes. She's not ill, if they hadn't tested everyone they wouldn't have known she had it.

I don't think the care home guidance applies to hospitals and because he tested positive on admission he is still on a covid ward that complicates things. Frustrating as the covid was the least of his problems and not the reason for admission.and he is definitely a "with covid". He went in for ne of the same bacterial infection he has been in and out with for the last 18 months. Only Sunday we were talking about how to help mum cope when dad went into the care home he now accepted he needed. If he had got that far before his latest infection things would be easier. Then he got a new infection on Monday.

Thinking of you @countrygirl99 🌺🌺

@countrygirl99

I'm sorry, I didn't realise he was still on the Covid ward.

It seems that hospitals can make their own rules in that situation, which is awful.

They let me in. Ward clerk was lovely when I called and said that although it's meant to be the same 2 people every time, as mumhas dementia, I could go as an essential carer for her. It was distressing seeing him in that state but I was able to tell him I love him and we are looking after mum.

Thank goodness for common sense xxx

Indeed, so glad to got to see him.

Dad is still hanging on, he's a tough old bird. Youngest DB is planning to take mum this afternoon and lovely ward clerk is turning another blind eye to the breach of rules.
Difficult morning as my boss lost his mum over night so I am having to contact loads of people and rearrange/respond to stuff on his behalf. Then say they say "so we need to contact you for the next few days" and I have to explain there may be neither of us around.

How lovely of the ward clerk. Thinking of you @countrygirl99

That sounds so tough Country.

DM has had the same look of dissatisfaction on her face for so long this morning, I'm surprised she hasn't got cramp in her face.

@countrygirl99 I am so glad that you found someone who doesn't think in black and white. Your mum can't go unless someone takes her which means if that someone is working/busy then no-one can go.

This is the second week of MIL's care home being shut, they tested all the residents this week and she was found to have covid. I'm assuming she didn't have symptoms |(otherwise they would have found it before mass testing) but I wouldn't know as The Family wouldn't think to tell me. I can't ring as she's deaf (no I'm not, stop mumbling) and can't write as the glasses she has aren't hers and I've hit a brick wall on getting new ones. Previously MIL would have had rage like a burning sun, the dementia (which she doesn't have) has softened her and made her much more pleasant to deal with. I'm still anticipating a rough ride on the first visit when they reopen.

@knotaknitter I get so frustrated with the whole "just do a zoom call" attitude to visiting bans. MIL would just knock the screen out of the way in protest.

We’re currently in the process of looking at care homes for my dad, who has dementia, on a respite basis with plan to stay long term. (Some of you commented on my thread - thank you all for your advice).

Our preferred option on paper is in lockdown, and when I told my mum and said we’d have to wait, she said ‘oh but I wouldn’t mind not seeing him’. I had to count to ten and figure out a polite way of saying it wasn’t just all about her!

[quote countrygirl99]@knotaknitter I get so frustrated with the whole "just do a zoom call" attitude to visiting bans. MIL would just knock the screen out of the way in protest.[/quote]
Absolutely. My father would struggle to hear, and would keep touching the screen.

Our conversation was by me writing to him and him phoning me with a monologue. He can no longer write, and he can’t hear anything I say on the phone. The people who make up these regulations (“window visits” [snort]) don’t have a clue