Cockroach Cafe - come and try our new sunroom

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Welcome, come and see our new sunroom/conservatory, open just in time for the colder weather, and opens straight off the Bad Daughter’s room.

Anyway, come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

Deafness can cause withdrawal too. It’s common to lose your high freqencies which means you cant hear as clearly sounds like “s” and “t” and it feels as if people are mumbling. It then gets easier, if there’s more than one other person in the room, to just sit back and let the conversation wash over you.

My audiologist said that was the mechanism causing the link between deafness and dementia.

I can relate to that Mere, I have high frequency hearing loss and if I’m in a crowd of more than three often find it easier to zone out. DM really struggles with her hearing aids (doesn’t help that she keeps fiddling with them).

Christmas moments to all of us. I've done the day out from the nursing home with dm. So exhausted I ache all over. 4 hours' driving. It was great, I'm really happy I did it and now I get to collapse into a bath.

Staff member at the home who mum clearly adores - my God she likes men - said briskly 'now you've done it you can do it again' and I just wanted to lamp him.

After a Christmas Day breakfast of a croissant, a piece of nougat and a piece of coltsfoot rock, I was able to see my father who was “confused” but pleased to see me, before heading to DS2 for Christmas day. Now feeling tired (but unable to sleep) and very loved.

Happy Christmas everyone.
So glad it's over for another year.
Always an endurance test!

Had a nice day yesterday 🎄
Dc very grateful for their gifts, dh loves his Head torch 🤣 I got some nice gifts too
Mum came for lunch and then we played some games
Pretty chilled day
Dh and dc are going to pils later - I'm not. I no longer chose to spend time with my mil after her behaviour in the summer.
So I'll go for a walk and go and see mum
Hope everyone's OK

@Words

Happy Christmas everyone. So glad it's over for another year. Always an endurance test!

Feeling much the same on the endurance test front tbh.

Nice start to the day at home with DD and the cats, then round to mums where I did everything all day apart from Mum making a coffee at about 8pm.

Having asked her not to mention L, she raced to show me the chocs he'd given her before even asking how I was, and continued to mention him multiple times over the course of the day. Christmas Dinner conversation included a monologue on the inadequacy on the men on her widows dating website.

Luckily the bulk of the L convo was directed at my best mate while I was cooking so I just shut myself in the kitchen and cranked up the Michael Buble.

We're still here...plotting our escape.

We had a really lovely day. DM came for lunch and stayed until DH dropped her off with my brother at 5. I’ll pop up to hers with some leftovers around lunch time. We had some games in the afternoon(charades etc) and she joined in.
I usually prefer Boxing Day though. No pressure, lots of leftovers and time to play/read/try out presents.

We had a much better day than I’d anticipated. Got dm here, after 2months of not leaving the house. Dd was a superstar, wheeled dm home via some fab Christmas light displays.
Happy Boxing Day all.

Mum was at my sisters Xmas eve evening
Then here yesterday afternoon
No idea when my brother will grace her with his presence 🙄

DS took me to see mum yesterday morning. She hasn't seen him for 18 months. As soon as she came in I told her he was there so she didn't need to try and remember who it was. She was so happy to see him. She kept repeating "I am in shock! I am in shock!" She held his hand and smiled at him the whole time.

When my uncle visited her on Christmas Eve she asked him to take her presents home to keep them safe so I was afraid she would do the same for us. I bought her new slippers and she was thrilled with them. She was also really pleased with the sequin cushion and, a last minute idea, a sequin slap band which I said was a bracelet. She isn't at the stage of needing a fiddle muff but she liked stroking the bracelet and seeing the contrast between the colours of the sequins.

There were only 6 of us for lunch and it was lovely. I had no idea that Christmas could be relaxing.

I took the opportunity to drop some of the traditions that meant a lot to mum, she didn't even like sprouts and never had room for the Christmas pudding but we had to have them. This year they have joined the bread sauce and the stockings on the list of things I used to do but now don't. I can't believe I used to do two different stuffings, three veg and two different potatoes. It's a much easier meal now I'm not plating up things we don't eat.

This time last year I was on my knees after trying to get the NHS to do something about mum's likely UTI and watching the weight drop off her as she forgot to eat. Looking back I can't believe what I coped with back then.

I am wondering whether the sainted brother has called in to see MIL, he's had a three month absence and even she's running out of excuses for him.

@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere

That sounds so lovely.

We're home now. Mum was on good form this evening and now we're back and I'm decompressing am feeling a bit more positive.

Tbf I'm the foodie and like being in charge of all that so although someone else washing up would've been nice I enjoyed most of that and probably wouldn't have let anyone else in the kitchen anyway.

We all had a lovely afternoon nap followed by Strictly, The Wheel and all the cheese and a cracking game of Cards Against Humanity which mum is scarily good at.

It was never going to be perfect this year and initial whinge aside it wasn't too bad really.

Mum was on good form this evening

This morning even...

I'm a newbie and name change. Sorry to winge in my first post. Completely broken by my mum over the last 18 months. Is this the right thread or are you all trying to be positive?

Whinge always @GiveMeStrengthLol You've come to the good place

Definitely the right thread @GiveMeStrengthLol. Come join us and whinge to your heart’s content.

Thank you. My bleeping brother has taken 90+ parent somewhere where 1 in 10 have Covid ATM. I've spent the whole year trying to explain the risks to her (she either doesn't understand masks or doesn't choose to - so still believes she'll be safe with one on). She goes tells people 'DD won't let me do xyz' whereas the reality is I've been saying numbers have picked up and does she really need to go into shops when I can do shopping for her etc. Both DB and DM are very entitled.

Guess who lives closer and will be dealing with the fallout.

Boxing day had been literally shit. Stomach problems and not eating by DF. Now waiting for doctor at his house. Friends due at mine in 5 mins and I'll probably miss it. I've left DH and DS to heat up party food whist I'm spending time here waiting. He tried a care home this Summer and hated it. Lasted a couple of days. He has 2 care visits a day otherwise it's just me to cope. I'm done with it to be honest just done. It's all very well saying you don't want to be in a care home but people never say the rest of the sentence which is 'and I want you to look after me'. They never even ask. It's assumed. Thanks for listening. Anyone want a mince pie?

[Mince pies all round]

2 days seems to be a real crunch point for care. It is much too early to make a decision.

We are left with the choice to walk away and let a disastrous crisis occur, or to keep patching things up at the expense of everything else in our lives.

Pleased to have made it through to Boxing Day. Mum at home and now bed bound, unable to even lift her head. Having sips of water and occasional mouthfuls of custard etc. I popped to see her a little while ago and she asked me if it's ok for her to go to live with her mum and dad tonight. I said it would be a good idea and that she has my blessing. Dear old bird.

Ha !

Got email to say home closing to visitors as case in home and 'more than two ' in staff.

@freshcarnation

Pleased to have made it through to Boxing Day. Mum at home and now bed bound, unable to even lift her head. Having sips of water and occasional mouthfuls of custard etc. I popped to see her a little while ago and she asked me if it's ok for her to go to live with her mum and dad tonight. I said it would be a good idea and that she has my blessing. Dear old bird.

Oh bless her..that has made me a bit teary. Sending love and strength to you.

@neveroutoftheChristmaskitchen sorry your evening has been messed up.Can you up the amount of care visits? That is a long gap between visits if he only has 2.

@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere that sounds lovely, glad you had such a good visit on Christmas day.

@AfterEightMintyCedric can't believe DM is wittering on about L on Christmas day!

Good wishes to everyone else, hope your Christmas was as relaxing as possible..(Unlike mine!)

@freshcarnation

Pleased to have made it through to Boxing Day. Mum at home and now bed bound, unable to even lift her head. Having sips of water and occasional mouthfuls of custard etc. I popped to see her a little while ago and she asked me if it's ok for her to go to live with her mum and dad tonight. I said it would be a good idea and that she has my blessing. Dear old bird.

Awww. Bless her.

@neveroutoftheChristmaskitchen

Boxing day had been literally shit. Stomach problems and not eating by DF. Now waiting for doctor at his house. Friends due at mine in 5 mins and I'll probably miss it. I've left DH and DS to heat up party food whist I'm spending time here waiting. He tried a care home this Summer and hated it. Lasted a couple of days. He has 2 care visits a day otherwise it's just me to cope. I'm done with it to be honest just done. It's all very well saying you don't want to be in a care home but people never say the rest of the sentence which is 'and I want you to look after me'. They never even ask. It's assumed. Thanks for listening. Anyone want a mince pie?

So sorry to hear that