The Cockroach cafe -new look for spring 2021

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Morning all! regulars or newbies, coping with your oldies is a frustrating, exhausting and difficult business however much we love them. The Cockroach Cafe is open to all, with a refurbishment to celebrate the coming of Spring, a place to vent, rant, ask questions, get advice, and hopefully laugh too.

If your question is big, it's best to start a new thread, and get all the advice together in one place. But for everything else, the cafe is the right place.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

Today has gone well. We went to see the nurse for a blood test - left the house so early we had time to pick up posh rolls and cake for lunch. Home in time for her to relax before the optician came.

He checked her eyes, she is blind in one eye and the other has a sever cataract that has developed over the last two years so it's not surprising that she can't see. He has referred her to the hospital for the op which is actually a 20 minute procedure and she will see results immediately. He is sending the referral along with a letter asking them treat her as a special case (not sure why other than the fact that she was his Sunday School teacher and he was always a favourite of hers!) but we could still be waiting for 6 months or so.

However the thought that the op is worth having and will improve her quality of life is a cause of great excitement and she is very happy.

A day to recover tomorrow then the GP on Thursday.

Just popping in.
Glad today went well hairbrush cataract ops are lifechangers. Hope it happens soon.
shoes I can understand her comments. Haven’t had that convo yet with dm( mid 90s) she was complaining how hard the postal voting system would be for elderly people- ie not her…
Hope everyone else is as ok as possible.

For elderly people? I find it terrifying - especially as we had three voting slips to complete today. I have had a postal vote for years as we were away when there was an election so I chose a postal vote and now I have them all the time. Mind you - I am elderly now I am nearly 60!

It's that instruction that gets me "Place label A exactly over the window ..." How exactly is "exactly?

There was someone on our facebook page the other day wondering what would happen because she'd put her signed slip into the inner envelope along with her voting slips.

So it's not meant to go into the inner envelope? Phew! I was panicking in case I had got it wrong!

I made the mistake of opening two voting envelopes at the same time. I was on an auto-open of post and just mindlessly opened everything. This is not a good idea and I wouldn't recommend it.

Mum is out of the hospital, I must have taken eight calls today from various bits of the NHS. I have a splitting headache and the tension in my neck is unbelievable. I am going to have some mindless tv and an early night. Tomorrow I have to start calling to see wtf they've done with her medication - I spoke to the pharmacist and thought I knew what they were going to do and why so was surprised to find extras in her party pack, one of which previously caused so much nausea that she lost a stone in weight.

Oh knot sorry you are having to unravel all this. Hope you have a good evening and feel better tomoz.

Oh bloody hell knot what a pain.

I don't like to speak I'll of the medical profession but I do wonder wtf some of them are on. When dad went in for respite last year he had a temp registration with a different surgery and we were never able to get him back on the online prescription system at ours when he came home.

Last week mum had a recurrence of the water infection she had three weeks ago and the GP prescribed her the same ABs as she'd had a reaction to then and had to get changed.

God only knows how it will pan out if they ever start actually seeing patients in the flesh on a regular basis again.

We're having fun and games as mum has discovered that dad can get a tax rebate on his work pension due to now being certified partially sighted. Unfortunately the powers that be will only enact it via mum if she has POA. It was signed and sealed last year just before his 'diagnosis', but what with Covid and thinking he'd only be with us for a matter of weeks it was never registered.

She did the whole thing online again at the weekend and printed it for our visit to Dad on Monday. He got quite agitated trying to understand it all but did well practising his signature, however no-one who works at the home is allowed to witness it, we can't witness it and we can't bring anyone else in to witness it...

minty could anyone witness it through a window? Or by zoom?

Minty I'd register the LPA, she might get to use it, she might not but this is clearly the situation it was meant for and you've put the work into it so might as well get the benefit.

Mum is more confused than normal, the whole "where's dad?", "oh, do I have a downstairs toilet?" and yet she opened her bank statement, understood what it was and made insightful comments on some of the contents. For months it's been a mystery and she read the numbers as phone numbers with no attempt at hundreds and tens. I have absolutely no understanding of what she's capable of on any given day.

@Knotaknitter Glad she is home and hope you get everything sorted soon. My nan NEVER misses a trick with her money matters, down to the last £1 she spends but cant understand a simple doctors letter...
My youngest DS was rushed into hospital yesterday for an emergency op so I'm relieved of nan duties for a few days and my sister has taken over. Dont know which one is worse- both moan alot and are very demanding!!

@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere

So it's not meant to go into the inner envelope? Phew! I was panicking in case I had got it wrong!

No - the idea is that one person can check your signature and birth date and that it's really you, without seeing how you voted. Then the unopened envelope with your vote goes to the vote counters without anything with it to show who cast the vote

It was signed and sealed last year just before his 'diagnosis', but what with Covid and thinking he'd only be with us for a matter of weeks it was never registered. Couldn't you just have registered the
already signed one? Or don't you still have it?

@MereDintofPandiculation

It was signed and sealed last year just before his 'diagnosis', but what with Covid and thinking he'd only be with us for a matter of weeks it was never registered. Couldn't you just have registered the already signed one? Or don't you still have it?

It has to be registered within a certain time frame and we're past that unfortunately.

Mum wasn't too bothered as all of their current/savings accounts are either in both names, ISAs or accessible via online banking, but in terms of changing stuff like this it turns out we're scuppered.

And mum is nothing if not astute when it comes to money!

@Nodancingshoes Sorry about your son. How is he today? Are you able to stay in the hospital with him? You really are stuck in the middle.

How is your ds shoes?

@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere @thesandwich thank you - he is fine but very sore and tired. Luckily it was discovered during surgery that things were not as serious as they feared so after a day on the ward, we were able to come home for recovery. That was a relief xx

That’s really good to hear. Hope you take a break from your nan too.

Minty have you checked whether the LPA can be witnessed over a video call? We have just updated our wills and the law has been updated to allow video witnessing due to Covid. Still a faff to set up the call, get your dad to sign, then get the paper copy to whoever was watching on the call mind you.

It has to be registered within a certain time frame and we're past that unfortunately.
Gosh, that must be old! There's an LP2 form which has the option of registering LPAs completed before 2009.
www.gov.uk/government/publications/register-a-lasting-power-of-attorney

@Nodancingshoes hope your son is recovering and you are not being pulled in all directions at once.

I took mum to the GP yesterday for a general once over. She hasn't seen or spoken to a GP since coming out of hospital two years ago. Her blood results are all excellent - not excellent for her age but really healthy. Her blood pressure is perfect. The only weight they have for her is from 8 years ago and she is lighter than she was then but she is healthy.

I tried to bring up the confusion and the midnight phone calls when she thinks it's morning and has got up and dressed but the doc didn't seem concerned. But mum has come home happy as anything because she doesn't have anything wrong!

Nodancingshoes I'm glad that he's home, hospitals aren't really restful places.

I was at mum's for five hours yesterday, she was ringing me not ten minutes after I'd left. It's going to be another massive stint today (smoke alarms? there were two but it looks like they've been mysteriously thrown away) but I'm hoping that the never ending calls from social workers/care agencies/fall alarm may slacken off now.

My parents have been staying with me and I’ve realised that mum cleans up for dad, far more than she ever inferred, as he misses when he goes to the loo. She is hardly physically able to do this. When I realised she showed me her cleaning prowess (compared to my average efforts) by declaring the bathroom floor had now had a good clean (I’m very fortunate to have two bathrooms so they have one to themselves) and she announced that when you love someone you will do anything to care for them. The underlying message of course being that I am the worlds worst daughter if I don’t promise to do all the caring if and when it became necessary. Nothing I’ve done has been good enough, and I’m meant to be taking them on holiday soon. Will take lots of gin.
PS she has a cleaner, she agreed a couple of years back and I can arrange for more hours for her, but she doesn’t want anyone knowing she has to clean for him, it would be embarrassing for him.
Not sure what, if anything, I can suggest- any advice?
Hope you are all having a restful weekend

Sorry if I sound like a moany PITA, I’m actually quite upset, even more so because my sibling is not expected to do the same.

Do not apologise baroness folk here understand it’s these incidents and expectations that floor us.
My only advice is to casually suggest it might be worth upping the cleaners hours?
And maybe be clear I will make sure you are cared for?( subtext not by ME) make no promises.