The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

[MereDintofPandiculation]

A space for us all to get together for relief from caring, share news, frustrations, problems, or just have a rant. Everyone and everything welcome (though if you have a big problem needing advice, you may want to start a new thread so as to be heard above the noise of the clanking gin bottles and general chatter)

Dcat - the day we rehomed him when he was 6 months old

Sadly just the 2 tonight!
We did try introducing DP pair to my 2 but the fur flew!

Lol @AutumnRose1
Cucumber presse sounds interesting
Started on gin but moved onto tequila again

Started on gin but moved onto tequila How'd that work out for your head this morning Jace?

And did Dcat1 really have his own glass of milk on a coaster last night?

I took mum to see her dp. He's drifting towards coma, but was in a chair not bed. He's lost loads of weight, not eating etc.
I left them together and sat in the corridor. After 45 mins mum cam out and said she was ready to go home. She's accepted it's possibly the last time she'll see him.

We also went to the flat which the Grimms have tidied ready for sale. We took a load of clothes and bits and bobs. They are all still in my car because I need to label everything before they can go to the resi home. Labels should arrive tomorrow.

I've had a great weekend apart from the driving, my son came home, a lodger moved in, I had a date and I'm shattered now after far too much wine last night with son and lodger.
I'm feeling stronger because I've got people around me.

It’s actually a candle not a glass of milk!!
Head fine - I am very lucky and never get a hangover
Was up early with DP coffee n car boot - Had a cry whilst driving - always hits me then! he has gone home now to feed his kitties
I’m on way home to pick up DS to go suit shopping
Hope everyone has a peaceful day today

Glad to hear there are some positives happening for us all at the moment, and that Jace's cat doesn't have his own glass. I've done the DM visit for the weekend, and am now trying to find something that we can do with the DCs that avoids the bloody rain.

Oh a candle! That makes so much more sense.

nora glad you feel supported

Not getting hangovers must be amazing!

Btw just thinking aloud

I saw on another thread that people mentioned finding it hard to hear about parents when theirs have gone

Recently someone I thought was a friend has pretty much vanished and I think now it might be that some of my conversation involves my mum. It’s not that I’m trying to bore people silly, it’s just that mum and I do stuff like watch films, go for a weekend lunch, she keeps me up to date with politics etc.

This is definitely a change since dad died, so naturally if someone asks what I did at the weekend, it will include mum now because that’s just how it is. I’m not neglecting this particular friend, she never wants to meet any more. I just wondered if that was why.

She is 18 months on from losing her mother but used to complain constantly about her in spite of not being in touch with her. So I might be way off base.

Then you get into - well, what’s okay to say to people and what’s not?

Hello All, just poking my head round door, to say hi, haven't had chance to catch up. Cockroach to everyone.

My PoA woes continue ( see separate thread) but am looking into some therapy sessions to help me deal.

Emptying my mother's house is stirring up a lot of unresolved issues. I'm feeling a great sense of loss, anger and regret which in turn is bringing up other losses. Everything falls on me as rest of family have understandably gone low or no contact with her.

Anyway cat pic for the cat lovers.

Grinchly* I typed a full reply and the cockroaches ate it

Sorry you’re having a hard time. I hope you find therapy helpful

cockroach all round, and much love/support/virtual shoulder for those of you still at the coalface with the oldies. For some unknown reason I now appear to have PIL (89 and 80) plus SIL and her 2 adult perfect children coming for xmas. DD1 is hoping to be away in the Alps doing a ski season, interview and brexit permitting, and DD2 has announced she will be spending xmas night with her lovely boyf and family - which is fine, no issue, but means I will be stuck with 2 oldies fretting about driving to the b&b down the road, 2 very silent young adults and equally silent SIL. DH will no doubt feel the need to go to bed early, so I suspect I will be on here on xmas night!!

Loving your cat @Grinchly
Reuben is doing his usual lovely hot water bottle routine

I did broach the subject of Xmas with DB but he’s not sure of plans and may be away
I’ve already booked to go out for a curry on Xmas day with DP and DS (before Dad died)
DP and DM do not get on - on both sides and she would not feel curry appropriate
DD has offered to have her along with her DPs family as a last resort
It’s only for the lunch bit - I don’t mind having DM either AM or after 4 when DP departs to other friends

One day I will do what I want to do at Xmas!!!!

😱😱😱😱@yolofish!

There is not enough florabotannica in the world to make that ok.

I have always detested Christmas ( see username) and now I just don’t do it. No cards, no presents to anyone. Such a relief. just this year a visit to the cockroach home - after they have eaten and half an hour before she’s likely to go to sleep.

They call me Grinchly for a reason...😉

Dcat helped me finish the tequila hic 😉

If I can’t get to do what I want for Xmas I can feel a holiday coming on in January
Already booked to go to krakow with DD but might try n talk DP into Canary Islands for his birthday

I thought florabotannica was a beauty product

Someone please tell the cats to drink responsibly!

Dcat is drinking responsibly unlike me - not commenting on his killing sprees however (we are averaging 2 rodents a day at moment)
It’s very tiring for him and the humans just don’t appreciate the gifts!

Been this morning to register the death and both DB and I disagreed with the cause of death! Not bothering challenging it as does it really matter and would have to be referred to coroner which would delay things
DD and I went to nursing home and collected Dads things - quite surprised how much there was only just fitted it all in my fairly large car
It wasn’t as upsetting as I thought and I’ll have to go back as there are a few other things to sort
The staff were lovely and wanted to know how DM was n hugs all round
I will go back to see some that weren’t there today and after funeral think DM will also want to visit as she had got quite close to other residents, other regular visitors and all the nurses and care staff

Jace, I can’t quite remember how it went with dad but wasn’t it the same as the medical cause of death?

Glad the nursing home staff were so lovely, these people are amazing.

hugs jace some of the loveliest people I met were at two nursing homes - dont think mum did more than 2 nights in one, and just 1 in the other, but they were just so bloody lovely I had to weep over them all. They really do go above and beyond.

Having said that, I also met some of the most horrible people in another nursing home, which I wont go into now, but will be part of our 'discussions' at the famous hospital meeting coming up on Dec 6th.

I don’t really care about cause of death - but certificate was from an on call Dr who went back to medical history n cited bowel cancer as primary n stroke as secondary when actually it was heart failure/pneumonia
Registrar said we could refer to coroner but it’s largely irrelevant n don’t want to cause delays as we now have a date for funeral which suits all of us

Engaged in retail therapy with DD and managed to find a fab black sweater dress for funeral from All Saints along with a few Xmas presents