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Elderly parents
Original poster

The new shiny 2019 thread for anyone caring for elderly parents

986 replies

thesandwich · 31/12/2018 19:37

Continuing the long running series of threads. Pace yourself, it's a marathon not a sprint!
This is a safe place to offload- don't be embarrassed about how you feel. No judgement here
There are lovely people here with practical experience of some of the issues which crop up who'll share their hard won knowledge!
And a few laughs and the odd cockroach or gin....

OP posts:
Iamdanish · 30/01/2019 21:19

yolofish
Best of luck with your dh.
I will buy your book anytime, love your sense af humor even in shit times.

Grace212 · 30/01/2019 21:21

Tethers End - that is brilliant.

Siblings as roof tiles - yes, roof tiles are very useful and important Grin

Yolo, I hope they do sort that for the MDT meeting. It shouldn't need chasing really.

Grace212 · 30/01/2019 21:22

danish - I don't speak a word of any other languages, I am in awe of people who do. I am so not a language learning person.

Iamdanish · 30/01/2019 21:41

Grace
It seems as if people are either a number person or language person 😀.
But being from a very small language area forces the need to learn more languages. Hence why so many Dutch and Scandinavian people speak a reasonable English, German etc. they are taught in school from early childhood.
Hope you can relax now visitor have left 😀.

Original poster
thesandwich · 30/01/2019 22:02

Oohyolo put me on the book list! I think you need thigh and dint as guest contributors cockroach features I hope???
Hope the reports get there in time yolo
🍷🍷all.
Oooh and if anyone is short of a few roof tiles I can help.....

OP posts:
pineapplebryanbrown · 30/01/2019 22:23

Yolo not more languages to learn? I already speak bums and olds now I'll learn cancers too in your honour.

I can't be bothered with today any longer and have gone to bed with my best dog and some sweets.

Add me to the book list Yolo what's the title? Drool and The Gang?

yolofish · 30/01/2019 22:57

I cant tell you the working title yet... but its not about oldie mouldies its about dogs! Drool and the Gang is excellent, might be able to work that in somewhere...

pineapplebryanbrown · 30/01/2019 23:13

Oooh dogs!!! I love dogs more than cake 🎂

MoreCheerfulMonica · 30/01/2019 23:30

I’m not much about dogs, but I love disco so think we should adopt Drool and the Gang as house band!

MrsBertBibby · 30/01/2019 23:31

Ooh, oldest stepson is mad about dogs, and we love stocking filler books.

One of the most enraging things about the decrepit olds is that I am being forced into a relationship with my sisters (moderate holy fuckwit in Africa, and hardline unbearable fuckwit up North). People keep saying this is great. No, it bloody well isn't. I don't want to be all bloody sisterly with them. They are annoying fuckwits best avoided. Or made into roof tiles.

pineapplebryanbrown · 30/01/2019 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grace212 · 31/01/2019 08:22

Bert "People keep saying this is great."

how annoying. I would love a useful sibling though!

pineapplebryanbrown · 31/01/2019 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grace212 · 31/01/2019 09:22

thigh I mean a genuinely useful one though. We can only dream!

pineapplebryanbrown · 31/01/2019 09:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pineapplebryanbrown · 31/01/2019 09:44

It must be the title of an obscure musical a la The Boyfriend.

pineapplebryanbrown · 31/01/2019 10:00

Last day of smoking today. Apparently it's bad for you and no longer cool. Plain wrong but what can you do.

Grace212 · 31/01/2019 11:33

thigh yes, sorry, that doesn't compute does it, lol.

Re giving up smoking, are you going to use patches or anything?

This cold weather, ugh. Makes me bizarrely tired and poor mum has terrible aches and pains when it's this cold. Roll on spring!

yolofish · 31/01/2019 20:29

thigh you are brave, I dont think I've got the strength to stop yet. Just started to snow here, only a tiny few miserable flakes but DD1 is out on the (local) town for a work awards thing, taxiing home but I will no doubt be unable to sleep til she gets in...

JaceLancs · 31/01/2019 22:28

Got response from financial assessment team today DF is totally self funding which means all his DWP n private pensions plus attendance allowance go to nursing home fees are topped up out of his savings and 3rd party top up paid by myself and DB
However because he’s only classed as temp in nursing care we can’t claim any pension credit or other stuff for DM who now has £88 a week to live on
On a more positive note community rehab team visited today to assess they are really positive about progress he is now top of their waiting list and work will commence soon - they are coming to do home assessment as well as seem to think there is a realistic prospect he may be able to return home
DM still thinks alternately we are wonderful n she is happy to leave it all to us n next moment we are all plotting against her and taking all her money!
Which will go down well when the DWP visit next week re appointee ship n LPOA etc
DF was having a very grumpy day today n told me off in his own way for being bossy - which I shouldn’t take to heart but did!

Grace212 · 01/02/2019 18:50

Jace, who does the financial assessments? I hope your mum can get more, good grief.

was meant to go home today but prevented by weather. Argh. I love mum to bits but I don't think living with another human being is for me! I thought the house was big enough but today I was clearing out some of dad's junk and she appeared in the doorway with "I'm booooored, shall I help" - she is so used to company and I find it so weird having all this chat. Clearing out junk is supposed to be a solitary therapeutic type job IMHO!

then again, I see everything as a solitary task. After 60 years of being with dad, she totally doesn't!

JaceLancs · 01/02/2019 22:49

It’s the local authority who do the financial assessments
I have a meeting with the DWP next week, but am suspecting there is nothing else we can claim for DM, until DF savings run down to a level where he isn’t totally self funding or he becomes a permanent resident in which case DM gets to keep half of his private pension

Grace212 · 01/02/2019 23:14

Jace, can your DM get Attendance Allowance? Not a great deal but still, a bit of extra doesn't hurt.

notaflyingmonkey · 02/02/2019 09:06

Mum's lovely GP called me at 7.30pm yesterday as she needs to make changes to her DNR - she assumed I knew what she was talking about, but from the sounds of it a change in legislation?

She also told me about a 'message in a bottle' which is a thing that many elderly people, or people with dementia have, which is a dedicated 'medical' canister kept in the fridge which lists things like meds, next of kin, and where the DNR is kept in the house. Apparently emergency services look in the fridge for them.

I googled and the Lions Club produce them, and they are provided in pharmacies etc. Is it just me that had never heard of them?

Grace212 · 02/02/2019 18:46

Monkey

I heard about it here. My mum did her DNR in September last year and the GP didn't say anything. She told him she would keep it in her handbag and he seemed to think that was sensible in terms of if she got taken to hospital suddenly.

then I told her about the bottle thing, she asked 2 friends with DNRs and they said they'd not heard of it, so she's not doing that. Maybe there's going to be a rollout of it? I think sometimes it's considered such an unsavoury topic we don't hear. However, I am surprised the GP didn't say anything to her when she did the document.