The new shiny 2019 thread for anyone caring for elderly parents

[thesandwich]

Continuing the long running series of threads. Pace yourself, it's a marathon not a sprint!
This is a safe place to offload- don't be embarrassed about how you feel. No judgement here
There are lovely people here with practical experience of some of the issues which crop up who'll share their hard won knowledge!
And a few laughs and the odd cockroach or gin....

yolo that's good re the house.

I think we will be hit by the new probate fees. I have been looking online and it seems that it just is going ahead for April. I think we are just on a borderline as well.

I don't normally get worked up about tax but this is pretty bad and can't be paid out of the estate. Absolutely a stealth tax.

Grace have you got snow? Bright, sunny and cold here in London but a good day for Ash scattering. Are you doing it at a beauty spot? I want to go in the Thames.

I don't understand probate or inheritance tax it seems like double bubble for the tax man. How many times can they tax the same money? Not fair.

snow has melted thank goodness! Yes, we are going to a beauty spot in mum's neck of the woods.

yes, dad used to say that about taxing the same money however many times. Good thing he didn't know about the increase in probate fees or he'd have been really furious.

I know someone who sold up in London, moved up north and runs a cattery. She says one of the most satisfying things about it is keeping her earnings under the tax threshold.

I've had people ask me if I am topping up my NI contributions while I'm not working. No. I don't actually believe the state pension will exist when I get there. tbh I hope not to live that long anyway!

Hi thigh
Do hope it's not your very polite way to say it is totally incomprehensible 😜
I do try, but have been told that people online don't like when you apologize for language all the time.
Would love to write in Danish, sadly there are no sites as good as this one 😀.
But your written humor is a little hard, if one is about to overstep some mark? Likewise I just hate MN abbreviations 😂.
Please bear with me 😊.

Danish I can understand everything you write and think you do fabulously well. I was just thinking about you when I wrote "can't be arsed" and "hot footing it" and thought poor Danish.

😂 if I don't understand, then an eye roll and thinking crazy British person normally works fine. You would probably think the same of me in Danish 🙄

Yolo my youngest had recurrent ear trouble and I couldn't be bothered to wait for the NHS in the end. I went to a private ear clinic and they sorted it lickety split - about £400 and then back into the NHS for follow ups.

Danish you are correct! An eye roll is the best solution sometimes

Btw love the can't be arsed, can't be translated into Danish - I have tried 😂.
Sorry about your calamities with your mother. Sounds so jealous and needs love so much. Yet so hard to love. Best of luck.

sorry to be all me me me

ha ha didn't even type post!

exhausted after the scattering thing but also - Useless Sibling is here and creating tension. I feel immoral but I still can't believe that, assuming we outlive mum, one day the inheritance will be split equally and one person will have done nothing at all to help or support.

Grace
Been there, I think a lot of us have. The icing on the cake for me was when sis afterwards moaned about how hard it had been for her just thinking about it 😤.
Ultimately it is your parents decision, but one sometimes wonder if that is fair.

my dad did feel very tense on the vanishingly rare occasion he saw Useless Sibling, but was absolutely adamant about an equal split

he also gave us both some money in the past and I feel as if Useless Sibling doesn't appreciate it at all.

Maybe I just don't get on well enough with Useless Sibling to understand them.

they are here for dinner and will be gone by 8ish - my shoulders are so tense....I can't wait.

sorry, very conscious that others are dealing with real problems, thanks for all being here for my moan!

I think mum will break down properly when sibling is gone...a shocking day for her really.

Dealing with an aged parent alone feels bad, but I realise how lucky I am not to have a sibling.

A good application of Teflon all round for all of you I think. The village of Tethers End seems to be on the map - this is the place where we all go to rock gently to and fro, and kind people, maybe in white coats, come and prescribe and apply nice things like wine and cake and kittens and puppies, and say soothing things like 'there there' and 'dont you worry'.

danish love the eyerolling! part of my job is to write in international english (for translation into numerous languages) and it is like a jigsaw puzzle adding some pace and excitement without resorting to colloqualisms!

yolofish
You did it! You actually made me look up colloqalism 😂
But you are right, it is our everyday sayings that bring life to any language. Have been translating very specialized user manuals - a darn bore.

Sorry now I just need to learn to do spell collo.... 🙄

Glad the snow didn’t stop you today grace . 🍷🍷for you when s£&# sibling vanishes.
Love the idea of Tethers end!!!! yolo you really have a gift with words- not surprising to hear it’s part of your work.
🌺🌺🍷🍷🍫🍫to everyone and a liberal dollop of Teflon to you all.

At this rate i will turn into a wok rather than an ewok.

thigh snort! you should write for publication you make me laugh even tho I know you're having a shit time.
Laughing is all we can do innit?
danish I cant spell collo... either, either that or I am too pissed to type. So agree about language being/can be dull without some of the everyday sayings that add zest.

DH had MRI today, got to phone cancer care coordinator nurse tomorrow to push for it to be sent through in time for MDT meeting tomorrow. There is a whole horrible language to cancer which becomes part of your life. Thurs afternoon brings the chemo planning meeting, that should be fun...

I am writing a book at the moment, to hopefully be a totally silly stocking filler for xmas 2019. When I say 'book' what I mean is one of those little books you buy for people when you dont know what to buy or you just need another pressie. Totally not literature!! but if I get a deal I will share with you lot. My mum went to a fortune teller once (why?) and was told that I would have a book published in my 50s, so I'd better bloody crack on!