Caring for elderly parents? Pop in for support and a rant

[thesandwich]

Pace yourself, it's a marathon not a sprint!

This is a safe place to offload- don't be embarrassed about how you feel. No judgement here...

There are lovely people here with practical experience of some of the issues which crop up who'll share their hard won knowledge!

Ever since Santa got busted the boys and I have done presents on Christmas Eve evening so we can eat our sweets the day before and not spoil Christmas dinner plus have a lie in on Christmas day. So this is my haul: Lavender pillow spray, bathing flowers, bubble bath, box of roses chocolates, large chocolate reindeer, 2 best mum mugs, best mum photo frame. From GTits - slippers, sweets, jo Malone body lotion, £500.

Awesome! V chuffed. Before Dad's hospital and recent hullaballoo with Mum they paid for my new stairs carpet for Christmas.

The dogs got an identical toy each from GTits and they are fighting over them and swapping them vigorously.

Even though Santa got busted a long while ago, stockings are still filled. So I'm having a little break stuffing two stockings, and marvelling that a perfectly ordinary Christmas mug is nevertheless too large to fit. Nice meal last night, chatting to DS about Santa and tooth fairies and Easter Bunny, and hearing confessions of teenage escapades. All helps to fortify for tomorrow's (today's) problem of extracting DF from his house and installing him in ours.

Dint how old is DS? It's lovely to get these oases of calm with our own kids isn't it? Life isn't all joysuck all the time. Has anyone got around to developing the Octogenarian Death Slide for transferral of your Dad tomorrow? Mum phoned, i think she's becoming a little sane again - possibly. Just going to encase myself in my Christmas relaxing sprays and unguents and say lalalala - that'll do the trick.

thigh he's in his 30s! Octogenarian Death Slide no use to us, I'm afraid - we need the Nonagenerian version.

Sending love to everyone on this thread and wishing a sense of peace to cope with whatever challenges we face today and over the coming weeks x

I'm dreading today. Have been going through hell with Gummy's apprentice, which has meant very little has been done for Xmas. DC's (17 and 21) stockings consist of a Tesco carrier each, filled with pants and socks. If I had any oranges in the house, I would put one in each and revert to my 1960's childhood thus totally confusing them! An austerity Xmas - maybe I can pass it all off as intentional?

Will collect DM later to bring her over for dinner. As I will be driving, no Prosecco for me which is probably no bad thing at the moment, otherwise I would probably get shitfaced. DM will complaint throughout that I haven't put her Xmas decs up, haven't put mine up, don't cook properly, have too many TVs (her favourite), can't understand the DCs, etc, etc.

I will be glad when today is over.

Cockroach all.

Cockroach nota. Just get through the day. Teflon liberally applied.
Cheers to everyone wrangling their olds today.
My DM is on her own today 300 miles away. Her choice. She spent last Christmas with us after I drove over 1000 miles to ensure she was with us/her family. She hated it and has spent the last 12 months complaining how badly treated she was! So like I say..her choice this year..hope she enjoys it. I know my Christmas is going to be a lot more relaxed without her, and no I don't feel guilty in the slightest.

Merry Christmas, one and all. May our supplies of Teflon be sufficient unto the task (and, I don’t like to display my ignorance but could someone explain the cockroach reference? It’s a new one since I was last regularly on the thread).

Love from to all you lovely people on this thread. I have been lurking much more than posting, and have learned much for my part in dealing with nonagenarian DM from the experiences, grace and good humour shared here. Many very kindly thanks and liberal supplies of whatever it takes to meet the challenges ahead. xx

Blue Ikea bags for Santa sacks here. My house is a shit state and we will be eating off trays in front of the TV. Thank goodness the olds aren't coming, i haven't the mental strength to tidy up. I'll drive some dinner over later.

Mum phoned last night to say that she and Dad had had a good talk and discussed that he had been a selfish lover when they were first married, 60 years ago. The woman is off her skull, this is not new, she's always been a lunatic.

I put O Holy Night on the TV last night and Gummy said oh this is lovely why haven't I liked it before? I joined in singing and he said - oh that's why. My skill does not match my enthusiasm. I want to go to church but I'm not fit for public consumption.

Happy Christmas all. Hope it all goes as well as can be expected for everyone.

I've just rung DF and he seems quite cheery, better than at any time since coming out of hospital, so fingers crossed. DS2 rang to say he's overslept so is only just starting on his 2 hour walk to us along the river and through the woods. DS1's stocking has disappeared into his room so he's awake. DH has finished putting the turkey on and prepping for dinner, I've got the fire going, so we're just going to sit down for coffee and stockings.

Well, that hasn't started the day well. I went over to my mother's to get her up as her usual carers have the day off. She was surprised to see me but more or less OK with things after I'd explained a few times, till she discovered that the newspaper hadn't been delivered. She couldn't understand that at all and insisted that it was going to be delivered, and wouldn't have it that the newsagent has a day off on Christmas Day. If I'd had any sense, I'd have nicked one of her old ones and straightened it out and given it to her, I really don't think she'd have noticed. So then because she was working herself up she wasn't really taking it in when I was reminding her that I would be back at lunch to collect her to bring her to ours, and as I left I heard the merry sound of her shrieking and shouting how she hated everything.

Not really looking forward to lunch, to be honest.

Vent away ventingdaughter!
Have just phoned my DM. Shes decided to spend the day in bed..being miserable.
Well at least she's happy.

I strongly suspect my mother will have gone back to bed by the time I go back again.

Someone upthread suggested ignoring Christmas and keeping to her usual routine, which is very tempting. However, she will inevitably know it's Christmas - she can turn the radio/TV on, and if she has lunch in the sheltered flat complex where she is it will be a Christmas meal. And she still won't have her newspaper.

I can't even knock back the mulled wine/champagne/gin to keep me going, due to having to ferry her back and forth. Still, I'll make DH have a large glass ready for me as soon as i finally finish the taxi service.

oh my dear friends on this thread: thank you for all your support, and the laughs. I wish those of you still coping peace, love, masses of teflon, and everything you need/desire to make life a little better in 2019.

it's bloody lovely here, just the 4 of us pootling around, no stress at all - no doubt gravy making will cause some sort of DH stress but we will ignore. I dont have to go and collect mum, try and rise above DH getting stressy about her deafness and therefore inability to follow a conversation with more than one person at a time, and stay sober enough to drive her home. It's terrible, but I still dont miss her.

cockroach to you all (monica, my DM was at a 'small animal session' in one of her care homes and couldnt identify a 'small animal with a hard back'. My DB suggested cockroach!)

DF is here! Went much more smoothly than I expected. Now I'm banned from living room as DS2 is wrapping my present, so I have blissful time on my own.

I hope things are going well for everyone else too. And that venting and unicorn manage a good day despite mothers.

Thank you for the cockroach explanation, yolofish!

I’m getting tanked up on sherry. I highly recommend it for those who don’t have to drive.

Well we have survived Christmas Day so far. Having insisted that they needed to be here at 10 as they needed to leave by 3, the PILs didn't turn up until gone 12 and currently show no sign of going. We didn't dare cook the expensive party food that OH managed to buy on his emergency supermarket dash as it could be saved for tomorrow's lunch and food parcel for youngest son if they did a last minute bail out. It was gone 1.30 by the time we started eating so tonight's roast is delayed until 7. Have just loaded the dishwasher and will need to out the massive beef joint in about 3.30. Have never spent so much time faffing around with food on one day, we like a relaxed Christmas.

Oh God what a crap day.

Got there to discover Mother has been hoarding her many pills ( heart, kidneys, blood pressure, arthritis osteoporosis, thyroid, Alzheimer's) in a large plastic tub marked 'to be destroyed ' rather than taking them, as she felt she didn't need them. Not sure if this has been done randomly or consistently but I reckon there is six weeks' worth in there. Explains memory deterioration and possibly the recent Leaking Legs episode ( see separate thread,)

Ss crisis team called in to supervise med taking from this eve. Conversation about private Carers/ home initiated. Will call GP and chemist on Thursday.

It just never bloody ends does it.

Oh and Cockroach all

Cockroach!

MIL has not taken any of her meds for months. Oddly, given that she was taking two BP tablets and a diuretic for upward of ten years , her BP is perfectly 'normal' and the peripheral oedema she had as a side effect of calcium channel blockers, which was instrumental in her losing her mobility over a four year period, has disappeared completely.

GP is aware, but so far has no suggestions as to what to do. MIL has fairly advanced mixed dementia, but appears to have capacity to make this decision.

In a strange turn of events am now sat in A & E with DF as nurses in nursing home noticed rectal bleeding twice today rang GP who said should call ambulance
He is 93 and as well as a recent stroke has bowel cancer

jace a huge hug and a hand to hold.hope he gets seen quickly.