Caring for elderly parents? Pop in for support and a rant

[thesandwich]

Pace yourself, it's a marathon not a sprint!

This is a safe place to offload- don't be embarrassed about how you feel. No judgement here...

There are lovely people here with practical experience of some of the issues which crop up who'll share their hard won knowledge!

yolo gone 3 is definitely much later than late lunch. that's crap. I take it solicitor is tomorrow?

oh, they've just arrived at hotel in (local town) and are unpacking so will be along 'in a while'. they didnt want to stay in DM's house - fair enough - but fuck me, if they are here before 4 we will be lucky. There is a fair bit to sort in my house, and then they need to go to mums and sort some stuff out there or else it will all be left to me - AGAIN.
yes grace solicitor at 10am tomoz after which they will fuck off again leaving house/debris etc to me. Bitter moi? just a little, but at least I have to console me...

Every Christmas since the kids were tiny we've turned the porch into a Christmas grotto of varying degrees of tackiness... one of our favourite things is a cactus which sings and dances to the tune of 'Feliz Navidad' at the slightest noise. Did the porch yesterday to welcome the DDs home on Saturday - hope Feliz scares the fuck out of them when they eventually turn up!!!

yolo I just looked up that tune.

oh, my ears

Yolo i love Feliz Navidad and was singing it in Spain last December. When I was a kid i thought they were saying "police got my car".

You've inspired me, i wasn't going to put up a tree but will look out the magenta tinsel, i have a lot of tinsel and a ho ho ho-ing, dancing Santa. Tinsel + Dancing Santa = double bubble.

trying to visualise the doorknob/wardrobe lever. Wardrobe is parallel to the bed about an arm's length away. So he sits up on the bed with his feet on the floor, and pulls on the wardrobe door knob to help him stand. But that may bring the wardrobe toppling down on him, so he'd like it to be bolted to the wall.

He has a strong "reduce, re-use, recycle" ethos, and won't buy anything new if he has an assemblage of cannibalised bits of tat that can be made to do the job, preferably with the aid of a G-clamp or two, and he exhibits immense ingenuity, when buying something would do the job much better in a tenth of the time.

I can't really complain - I too hate throwing things away if there's any way of getting use out of them, and DH is the same. I expect our DC will be tearing their hair out in due course.

Dint that's actually very clever, apart from the danger of getting squashed. My Dad has always been a recycler/cannibaliser. Drives Mum mental as she worries what the neighbours will think. He once offered her the hose off the hoover to listen to the telly through and hung an umbrella off the telly as an aerial. He used to cook 3 day curries in the garage as wasn't allowed to stink out the house. He's very single minded when he wants to be but calls himself Mr Affable. Yep, until he decides to turn the toilet into a radio or something.

It's so cold isn't it? Really bitter out.

It's so cold isn't it? Really bitter out. Dunno - all I've done is go to the Christmas dinner of an organisation I volunteer for. House to warm car to pub with excellent food with 20 friends followed by good quiz, back to warm car and home. Done me a power of good!

re cold
hmm yes
debating going to buy some comfort food

good thing you said that thigh

Grace all that's kept me from freezing to death is mince pies and custard (and brandy butter).

Dint that sounds like a great day - bet you're awesome to have on side at a quiz!

hi there
any advice for Roxy, who is in a horrible spot with an attempt to discharge her mum?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/elderly_parents/3451051-How-much-time-Deciding-between-care-at-home-or-care-Home

If I see one more post on fb about treasuring your mother while you still have her ! Grrr

bit random but just in case I have to go through it again....

when my dad was in need of transfer to a hospice, I had a (thankfully short lived) panic about finding a hospice place. I don't know if it's that these places aren't online but I couldn't find anywhere near where my parents live, except one place, with a tiny number of beds. Luckily that's where he ended up. But I remember at the time thinking - is there a drastic shortage of hospices as well as everything else?

The Division of the Family Silver and the Reading of the Will both went remarkably smoothly, albeit in their time frame rather than mine...

I've ended up with a lot of silver I dont particularly like, god knows what I'm going to do with an 18thc Irish teaset!! Frankly I would like to sell it, but mum wouldnt like me to do that... and I think the silver price is rubbish at the moment anyway. There were a few bits we both agreed we didnt like and which I will sell and split the profits. Some little bits for the children (6 between us), and some sentimental stuff which we agreed quite happily on who would have what.

Solicitor was a bit of an arse but seemed to know his stuff. He advised us not to seek probate yet as will very straightforward, but to wait until we have an (almost) offer on the house as probate only takes 2 weeks. OTH the estate agent advised us to get probate before we marketed as would be more straightforward. However, if you get probate then you only have 6 months to sell before council tax payable again. So I dont know - any clues anyone?

DB and SIL did actually take a LOT of stuff with them for which I am grateful and boxed up more stuff which wouldnt fit in their car this time around, so there is some progress. The thing is they are so slow and they faff around, no one ever makes a decision. The actual house clearance post-exchange is going to be a bloody nightmare!

yolo if you are selling the stuff, the proceeds shouldn't be split 50/50, you should get more for your effort.

re house and probate - that's a new one for me, but my first thought was, would I want to put an offer on a house when the vendor said "still waiting for probate"? Probably not, sorry.

that's my thinking too grace. just spoke to estate agent minion, who said that being able to list it by xmas day would be good - apparently huge spike in viewings then and immediately after when people decide they hate their kitchen/dining room etc. but then the agent would say that wouldnt they because it means they get their sale nice and early in the new year... waiting to speak to a more senior one later this pm to get a bit more advice and will talk to DH and DB too.

re the selling of bits: if we both agreed we would sell them then I will split 50:50. If I'm keeping it and decide to sell later then that's my money. Am sure they may well some stuff they wanted so fair's fair.

Yolo take a breather on the house sale and wait until the 2nd or 3rd week of the new year when there is a better head of steam in the property market. Launch only when viewers can actually come and visit immediately... By all means get house photos and schedules started.
Re -selling parents' heirlooms... my Dsis and I tried the usual eBay and Gumtree routes for two or three items and found the amount of cash recovered pitiful, especially when we factored in the time. After a few weeks we handed as much as we could to a favourite Charity shop and recycled the rest. Someone suggested we just bundle it up and put it in store for six months so we could tackle when we felt less stressed but we didn't think we'd ever do that.. And we decided whomever did the selling got the cash... I doubt we got more than £300 all told.

yolo just to say I had very good help from these auctioneers when selling one particular item - they will quote online if you can take a picture. May be worth it for some things. Dix Noonan Webb

yolo that's interesting as the local estate agents here are mostly closed between Xmas and New Year.

We had our last house on the market over the New Year. Loads of viewings at the beginning of January- all turned out to be people out on a jolly. Personally I would wait until the back end of the month.

countrygirl that's interesting will bear that in mind.
annan I will take a look - thank you.

Yolo it isn't that they hate the kitchen it's that they hate their spouse

wrongwayup snort!! I think we've all been there... I reckon the idea of a jolly may be the right one, estate agent didnt call me back this pm so will think on