Caring for elderly relatives? Pop in for support, a hand hold, advice, whatever you need.

[picklemepopcorn]

Carrying on from previous thread, IF I can work out how to link...

Come and offload your worries and frustration here, and share your experience and hard won wisdom with the rest of us!

Yolo you are right. that is all you can do- which is bloody marvellous, covering all bases. You must protect yourself.

Yolo! Just tell her that there is nothing you can do to solve it. Agree it's absolutely rubbish for her, but you don't have a magic wand. It's hopeless.
If you wail about what a frustrating, difficult situation it is, you take the wind out of her sails and leave her with nothing to say. Hopefully.

And definitely arrange things in a way that suits you, not her. If they threaten to discharge her before you are ready, ask what they will do about her safety. Make the authorities do the running. They have a better idea what resources are available and should know how to sort this out.

Thanks, all. You are strengthening my resolve. I might start carrying a pebble, too!

Good plan!

Honestly, it's like you have to forget all the usual rules of conversation. It's hard if you are used to listening and responding and being listened and responded to.

I'm sure lots of elderly people are still lovely- in fact I know they are. Some that demand the most support are not, however!

c.diff negative, however says can no longer walk. Met with consultant, she will be in there until at least Mon and more likely end of next week which gives me a breather. He wasnt very cheerful, I explained my concerns that she would come home, fall over again and repeat ad infinitum and he said yes probably. OTH she has the autonomy to make her own decisions once they discharge her; so I guess it will be a case of wait until the next fall. So I have made my mind up that I will no longer put my life on hold; if I'm away and she falls over she will have to use the lifeline to get paramedics to put her back on her feet or take her back to hospital. It sounds so harsh, but we/I have missed out on so much already these past few years I cant keep doing it just on the grounds that the next fall is the one that carries her off.

oh yes, and in the middle of the night in hospital they take you out of your isolation ward and take you to a room full of machines where they do tests on you - wtf?? she told me and DD2 this and then said 'you do believe me dont you?' and I made the mistake of saying it seemed rather odd to which I got 'oh well you never believe a word I say' so swift change of subject reqd!

Gosh, Yolo! I'd go back to a level of support you can sustain, and keep mentioning that you hope nothing happens when you can't help her. If you keep repeating it, she'll internalise that you can't always be available.
C diff neg is good though.

Hope things are stable yolo- and how are things pickle?
Hope you are doing ok whatever, and Monica, nota, needmoresleep and Anna.
Dm has carer envy.... why can’t she have the nice young black man who goes to Mrs buggins down the road?? 😮😮😮😮😮

That's so funny!

It's all quiet on the western front here. Heading down tomorrow, but I've packed a job lot of chocolate and loads of Teflon.

I hope you get a lovely calm weekend, everyone.

Heading off on holiday just as I hear my mum has pulled out of her purchase AGAIN. Twice in a week is a record. Instead she wants to spend two weeks in a heatwave at 83 pounding around a city 2 hours away from home looking for somewhere unfurnished to rent. The reason we helped and pushed her to do this purchase is that she hasn't the stamina, memory or continence to do this any more -that and a zillion other reasons. She will never remember that we tried so hard to fulfil her wishes except that they changed every bloody day, and things are not perfect - she has a non functioning hip, needs to be somewhere she doesn't actually have to drive, lives alone. It's just impossible.

Still going on holiday.

pickle extra🍫🍫🍫🍫and Teflon for you.
anna have a great time. You have done all you can.

Picking up on what people said upthread, I have always been very cautious about telling my mother anything that might generate a negative comment. This is now just about everything.

One of the hardest things about my dad dying has been that I can't phone him up and tell him things he might enjoy. There were a few things that I would also have told my mum. (She was a teacher and liked conversations about education.) But effectively they are both gone. I really don't enjoy seeing my mother, and from her conversation "why are you here", "are you going soon", she is nt very bothered about my visits.

The long slow decline continues. The carer and I are not sure whether she is losing some of her hearing, or if she is simply forgetting words so finds processing conversation difficult. I need to organise having her tested. It led to a brilliantly Pinteresque conversation with her, DD and me sitting there each adding a, sometimes related, comment after a weighty pause. Then every 10 minutes returning to her current obsessions and setting off on a new riff. I wish I had recorded it. Mig way through DM announced she planned to die soon, DD started giggling and we both lost it.

annan and need - flowers, gin, teflon, etc etc as required and as often as required. I hope you have a great holiday annan and need I so understand about the Pinteresque convos.

I've been away this w/e (work for my charity 150 mile drive each way, quite hard work, boiling heat etc). DM is to be discharged tomorrow, to home, with 3-4 visits a day from nurses who will do a 3 day assessment while she is at home to see how she copes. From being unable to walk last Thurs she can now apparently walk 20m unaided, and can therefore cope with making her own drinks, meals etc. I find this quite hard to believe.

Anyway, because I was away and she thinks I am away til tomoz she has guilt tripped my poor darling DB into coming to stay again (from 200 miles away) for 2 nights as she is afraid to be alone at night. The man is a bloody saint, but also has a core of steel - he says he will do nothing for her, she has to cope on her own, and he will leave the house during the assessments. If he can seriously manage that he is a better man than I.

So tomorrow I am getting some food in for her, organising beds being made etc, running the DDs around as required, picking up DB from station, maybe doing some work?? washing?? tidying??

and probably drinking to excess...

sandwich please could I have a nice young man (black, white, green etc) to pop in on me every day just to make sure I am ok?? I think it would cheer me up enormously, DH might not like it, but he'd be at work, and a nice handsome young man with a pleasing way with words and an appreciation of the more mature lady would be just what I need...

Just wishing everyone strength, Teflon and anything else to help us all get through the week ahead. For those on holiday, try to enjoy as we have all most definitely earned it.
I'm looking at a bizarre week of trying to return to 'normal' and finally going back to work before her funeral the following week. Emotionally still very up and down. It's been nothing like I'd expected as I continue to deal with the reality of never having experienced the mother daughter relationship that others have.. feelings of being worthless and wondering why anyone would love me... Before this happened I honestly thought I had it all sorted in my head!
Hopefully the return to work and all the distractions will begins to help get things back into perspective. Good luck everyone xx

big hugs whatever they may be only virtual and from a random internet person but you never know they may help - I hope so.

Oh whatever I am so very sorry. It’s like the deep pond with murky depths has been disturbed. Another great big hug from a random stranger. I hope getting back to routine helps- be really kind to yourself.
yolo ooh my goodness- I so hope your dm is recovered, and the care works- but send buckets of chocolate, Teflon. And gin.
Still looking for the nice young men..... promise I’ll share😂😂😂. Dm did have a visit from firemen who travel in pairs for safety in her street😂😂😂. Risk of kidnap from elderly bids....

Is it just me hearing 'young maaaan'? I can't remember the comedy show... was it Little Britain?

Anyway, good luck with your week, everyone. Group hug to fortify us for the week ahead!

Catherine Tate, wasnt it? not sure now.

Group hugs all round but from a distance as very very hot again!

Harry Enfield. ..

oh of course annan how could I have forgotten! DDs and I were discussing Kevin and Perry go Large today and the vodka shots into the eyeballs... HE so clever, unforgettable characters.

still waiting to hear if DM is to be discharged today, hospital couldnt run a piss up in a brewery on current form.

Glad to raise a smile! Yolo- that’s s£&*. Sending extra supplies.
And to youpickle

still think I should have called the kids Rothmans and Spudulika - would make them stand out in class!

I was in Dorset last week and heard a mum calling for her kid. I hung around to see if I could see the child as I really wanted to know how old he was, but did not.

The name....Corbyn

Probably fine for a teenager, but a bit for anyone under 6. Perhaps his sister is called Momentum.

There ar a few Corben's in my area.

Today I heard a mum talking to 'Varney' (girl) And Iago.