Caring for elderly parents? Drop in for support, hand holding and whatever you need

[CMOTDibbler]

It doesn't matter whether you are a hands on carer, care from a distance, or are just contemplating the future. Join us for support from people who know the struggles of becoming your parents carer - we rant, cry, and pick each other up.

Ouch! about the tooth, badders. Hope they can do a relatively painless fix.

My mama is very similar. Has refused several invitations to join clubs. Complains that, at the few things she goes to, people go with their existing friends and aren't interested in making new friends, but won't acknowledge that her best chance of finding new friends - which is difficult at her age - will probably be at these clubs.

I see her several times a week and my sibling sees her most weeks, but sibling never actually takes her anywhere and makes a huge fuss about doing even simple errands for her.

I've had a filling so hope it takes and I dont need a crown.
I had hoped mum might have holidays with her sister, or with her friend but no.
She has spent a fair bit on the house and gArden which I think she may now regret.

Badders and More, same problem here, dm is lonely as well as confused. I am trying to drop down to seeing her every other day instead of every day for my family's sake as well as my own, but when I leave her she cries and begs me to come back the next day because she's scared and sees herself as alone although there are carers doing everything for her. I'm sticking to it but I feel physically ill with anxiety. DM has relied on me for too loon (long before she was ill she relied on me and dbro for company). I never want to put that on my children and vow to keep socially active as long as I physically can.
Hope your dental appointment is pain-free Badders.

Tooth a bit throbby
Not going to mums tomorrow - I have a grocery delivery coming and maos to have some housework to do

Thanks for the good wishes the other day regarding my Dad's driving assessment. Just got back and ....he aced it . So so proud f him as it was a busy time of day and in an area he was unfamiliar with.

His cognitive test was scored out of 30 and he got 25, ideally they want 26-30 but the outcome of the assessment is "what ability does that have on Dad's driving" and so far the answer to that is "minimal". Phew!

I know he is going to need assessing again in a year but I am hopeful that they will give him his licence back in the meantime. He drove brilliantly apparently and the assessor said he was appropriate and responded appropriately to other road users...drove courteously etc.

Just got to wait for DVLA to do their stuff now and make a decision.

Great news Alfie. Badders take a break tomorrow you deserve it.
Zaza hope things are getting easier.

Glad it went well Alfie
Your dad must be delighted

That's good news Alfie! And Badders - hope the tooth has stopped throbbing. Sympathy to all! And thank you for the tips about what to take - so useful.

In other news - my MUM was rushed to hospital today with breathing difficulties - the same bloody hospital my dad came out of on Monday! Back to the 5 hour round trips - plus having to get to see dad - who incidentally hates the nursing home and wants to go back into hospital. Is it any wonder I'm on my second glass of wine? My poor old liver (but then - who'd want to live to a ripe old age anyway?!)

And Zaza - sorry to hear you feel so sick. So hard to find the balance that enables you to look after everyone AND stay sane X

That's great Alfie - now you know he is officially safe for at least a year!

Oh no Bowed. You deserve that

That's hard to hear from your DM Badders, I can remember my Nan saying this from time to time when things were bad. At the time I didn't appreciate how hard that must have been for my Mum to hear.

Oh why must aging be so hard for some people? It must be so hard to feel independent inside with a body that won't do as it is told. So hard to witness that as well.

Bowed...oh dear! What a hard time you are all having!

Oh Bowed, that's doubly hard for you.

How are things going Bowed?

Is anyone good with legs? Dads still aren't healing and as I need to have a mental plan, when should someone else be involved in trying to sort them? The district nurses are dressing them, but theres a lot of exudate and sounds like its a really large area on each leg.

Sorry, I don't know much about legs CMOT, I was gobsmacked when dm's legs, swollen after a hospital stay, started leaking water a while ago! Maybe the district nurse can advise what steps need taking.
Meanwhile, dm is back in hospital after only 8 days in Extra Care housing. I had a call from the home yesterday saying they had tried to get the em-doc out as she was excessively confused but had been told there was no-one available so the paramedics were sent instead. The rest of course you can guess. Several more hours in the a & e production line (in a state of high confusion and left alone) and a bed on a ward by late evening. I wasn't able to be there either as I was away for the day. No doubt it will be dehydration/UTI again. It would be so much less traumatic if they could just give her a drip for a while/some abs for the infection and send her home.

Thinking of you all - ZaZa, CMOT and Bowed - that all sounds horrible.

CHC meeting is scheduled for Tuesday. There's so much going on that I have no idea about - like the practicalities of getting him moved, what nursing homes will take him, how much the fees are, how to consolidate his money if he doesn't get CHC funding - that I feel my head is about to explode.

And the insurers are coming to check our wreck of a kitchen at the same time! Gaaaargh...
Have decided that everyone is getting vouchers for Christmas this year.

Hello all. oh zaza- so sorry to hear about your poor DM.
Cmot- no idea- except a friend had manuka honey applied to ulcerated woundson his legs? That was in Portugal though...
Pigeon- you have so much on. Vouchers sound a good plan. Good luck- are you getter no advice from age uk or anyone?
Bowed- how are you getting on? And badders, how is the mouth?
Is it time for yet?

Just saying hello and i am so sorry about what you are all going through. It's so hard.I'm nearly a year on from Dad going into a care home and there are no more crises touch wood, but I remember that phase so well. The personal cost was huge.
Pigeon- vouchers sound a great idea. Just chuck off any duty that is non essential , would be my advice
Sandwich- definitely wine o'clock!
ZaZa that sounds really stressful. She's in a safe place for the moment, I hope you r Sunday was OK.
CMOT- poor healing can be due to many factors, I can;t remember if you r DF is diabetic, causes (that I know of) can include: high blood sugars, poor nutritional state, zinc deficiency, morbid obesity (i doubt that applies). A good nutritional intake with enough protein and maybe a multivitamin plus zinc might help. In hospital there are Tissue Viability nurses, I am not sure what is available at home though.

Oh dear.
What a lot of issues you are all having :(
Zaza...yes it prob is a uti. No em doc available? Scary!
Cmot...I don't know much re legs - what do the district nurses say? If his legs arent healing surely the DNs should refer him?
Mum ok. For now! After many years experience I now make sure everything is done by end of nov - too many hospital admissions and illness near xmas in the past few years so i plan ahead!
Having another filling tomorrow 😲

Bob, he is diabetic (and not very well controlled), and I'm not sure what impact his dodgy kidneys would have on nutritional status. I don't think he can have a multivitamin as when he was asking about something to help with his cramp, the pharmacist said he couldn't have vitamin A in anything.

Badders, I'm sure they will refer (at least the fab ex army DN seems to get things done), but the thing most likely to end them coping is his legs breaking down, so I'm keen to make sure everything is done

Zaza, do you think your mum isn't drinking enough in extracare? Hope she's out of hospital soon

Type 1?

Type 2, on insulin. He has hypos, possibly linked to his atrial fibrillation but also struggles to keep his blood sugar stable - his cognitive impairment really shows around this.

Oooh tricky
I have AF - in fact I'm having a sleep study done in a couple of weeks as they think I'm having attacks at night
I don't know what to suggest the AF will make him feel weak and breathless and the type 2 will mean his legs will be hard to deal with - am sorry cmot
I would agree a referral to a tissue viability
Nurse is in order (glad the DNS are good!)

Not sure why the pharmacist would have said that. You need to take quite a lot of vit A to get toxicity, certainly more than in a multivitamin tablet. I know it is all very tricky but if there's any way to up his protein (more eggs/ tinned fish/ ham etc) it would be worth it both in terms of blood sugar control and skin healing. WIth the zinc he could just take a zinc only supplement for 2 weeks (that's usually enough to correct a deficiency) and that might help the healing.

I'm not sure either Bob, but he does have a very long list of medication (which the pharmacist was looking at) so maybe its an interaction.
Will send him some zinc tablets - he may actually take them as I'm in the good books after the magnesium spray is helping his cramp