Hello everyone. It is nice to see new people, though I am sure this is not where you want to be. After the big crisis three and a half years ago which took a good year to sort out, things have been reasonably stable. But I am feeling unaccountably flat. It just goes on and on. And could quite possibly do so for a decade or more.
I realised on one day I was in contact with three different lawyers. One to do with my mother employing a carer, another regarding an eviction from one of my mothers properties (it turns out the former tenant is wanted for a multi million pound fraud - the good news is that it means he won't be back!) and a third to do with a complex right to light case, where my mum and neighbours are threatening an injunction against the developer next door. I am in the process organising a plumber, electrician, handyman and kitchen fitter, have my mums accountant chasing me for her tax figures, need to sort out work on a shower which is under guarantee, sort out my claim against the deposit, and probably more that I have forgotten about. Plus I probably need to pursue appointments for a couple of non urgent health issues, and other things related to my mums care, pay bills and so on. And when I see my mother I can expect a frosty welcome and complaints that I never visit or do anything for her. I know it is irrational but my prevailing emotion when I see her is anger.
I had hoped that there would be a point when it was all under control but am realising that this point will never be reached and indeed the relative stability won't go on for ever. I need to insist to DB that the properties are sold, and that care is paid for out of capital not income, but lack the energy to do that.
But this is nothing to what it was like when things were at their worst. And Pigeon, that sounds really awful. I absolutely hate it when told off about my mother's behaviour, which is far from as tricky as your father's. It relates to her illness, what do they suggest I do?
If you have a nice GP I would be tempted to go to him and cry. Tell him you are drowning. You are not depressed, you certainly do not need pills, you are a strong person, but you are overwhelmed and can't manage this on your own. I don't know how the system works but perhaps he could write in strong terms to the relevant social services saying that there is a significant danger of carer breakdown and that they need to engage proactively. Or perhaps give you access to some form of counselling which gives you the change to talk things through and see some wood as well as trees.
I think the comment about your dad losing weight is absolutely unacceptable. These things really hurt.
I hope one outcome is that you feel more selfish. You cannot be judged or held accountable. You can only do you best, and some of that depends on you putting yourself first and making sure you stay well. Your fathers situation is very sad, but you can't make it right.
And keep the poteen as a Plan B!