Caring for elderly parents? Drop in for support, hand holding and whatever you need

[CMOTDibbler]

It doesn't matter whether you are a hands on carer, care from a distance, or are just contemplating the future. Join us for support from people who know the struggles of becoming your parents carer - we rant, cry, and pick each other up.

Edd, I think getting SS or any other professionals to come and talk to them is a very good idea. And definitely prime them first so that they are able to say the right things

My aunt and son (separately) recently heard my mum rant. Neither my sister nor I even registered she was on a rant, as it was a mild one. We were quite surprised at their comments as it is so normal to us.
Hopefully the other residents will park it to one side, so to speak, and work around it.

Permission to bang head against a wall please people....

Having discussed at length over past few days when the discharge team came to see her she adopted the " I don't want to be pushed into anything" stance

She only went and said she needs a week to think it over

Given they won't let her go visit a home, someone would have to go on her behalf, and the fact that everyone ( me Dr's friends on the ward ) has said a home would he best there could be a real chance here she refuses :(

I hope not. I mean I can't he on call between carers coming in and the paramedics aren't there to solve the issue with the Dr home call out clinic being a possible 4 hour wait til they arrive...

She will get the care funded so she doesn't have to sell up either.

She's not safe at night she can't go home...she will realise that right?

I'm. Afraid I was a bit harsh today which I feel bad about. She was moaning about them trying to turf her out and them wanting to rush her decision. I had to explain that yes the fact they need a bed plays a big part but they (and she) has to also consider the fact that every day she's there unnecessarily is a day she could catch pneumonia or the flu or noro and that could actually be fatal

I'm. Such a dumbass I've made things worse haven't I..

She's not got long left really and it's so silly to spend it in hospital when she could be making friends and far more comfortable else where

How have you made it worse? You've pointed out to her that she is at risk of catching something if she stays in hospital, and that her bed is needed for someone who is actually seriously ill. If it were me I'd be tougher still! I won't be visiting you at home because I'd be afraid of what I would find!! I will keep visiting you in a residential home though...

She just had that look...the one I recognise very well as I've seen it many a time before. The age old "I'll do what I want not what everyone thinks I should do"

I've already said I'd visit it would be nice to see her somewhere drinking a proper cup of tea and actually eating.

She's lost a stone since she's been in hospital she can hardly eat the crap they call food.

Don't get me wrong she is ill in fact she's terminal. However there's nothing being done fir her in hospital now that can't be done in a home. Food drink and O2 etc

Oh Giles, that sounds so difficult. It's really hard to try to get them to think logically when they get stuck in that "I'll do what I want" mindset. I don't think you've made it worse at all, hopefully being a bit harsher might get her to think about it a little bit. MIL does tend to respond better to ultimatums, even if you feel awful having to issue them.

So far today the home say MIL has refused to come out of her room which won't help her make friends. They've tried to explain it will all be more difficult if she doesn't even try but so far it's falling on deaf ears.

Old people re just so stubborn aren't they...

Really struggling. Lost my Mum last year and my relationship ended soon after. My Dad was in hospital over Christmas for a month and discharged last week with a solid re-ablement package. But he really has given up, in despair, wont even try to change his stoma bag and we are now having to get a care home - initially for convalescence but I suspect that he wont ever come out, even though he would be physically able enough to live independently (and I think would hate a care home). I can buoy him up if I talk to him for an hour or two but by the next day he's back into despair again. Its so depressing - we have been muddling along since Christmas but at some point my sister and I have to go to work if we are going to keep our jobs. So there we are.

So I'm stressed and down myself and then come home today to a row with my teenage daughter telling me what a shit childhood she had etc... not true just being a drama queen but I've just cried and cried this evening.

Oh garlic, what a shame. Is your daughter reacting to the pressure as well do you think? It's hard trying to balance everything. Maybe it will be good for him to have company in a home. Or he will learn how to change his stoma bag so he can get out of there!

for Tarrarra, just seen her Mum passed away.

Giles- what you are doing is already phenomenal. Make sure you are firm with both her and the authorities (easier said than done I know)

Mine went to the care home for the day yesterday and stayed all day, had a lovely time and was happily telling dcousin that some people even live in there....today she's denying she ever went of course, but it's a baby step in the right (and inevitable) direction. I've read the report on the home and it gets green good buttons throughout. She is booked in for a week respite in Feb which will be make or break of course.

Hugs to all.

My lovely Mum has terminal cancer.

Sorry littlehum.
My dad, too.

For you both.
So sorry

I'm sorry Littlehum. When did you find out?

And Pickle too. It must be so hard.

Oh garlic, teenage girls can be so dramatic. And horrid. It sounds like you are trying to do too much - perhaps the Care Home would be better for him with more going on? Is he on AD's? Could the GP/hosp prescribe some?

Littlehum, so sorry. Is she near you?

And Pickle.

pickle. Sorry to hear about your Dad.

Found out in October. She doesn't have that long - possibly four to six months. Been in self imposed denial for a while now if that makes sense.

My two youngest are doing GCSE's and A levels this year and it looks likely to coincide with the exams. They are really close to her too.

Yes she is quite near to me which helps a lot. Seeing her at least twice a week.

So sorry little and pickle . So much to deal with.
Sending thoughts to all of you in your struggles- I know many of us have dc with major exams etc too.
Tarrara how are you doing? and to all.

💐 to all who need them x

Good news as far as home is concerned. Consent to go into a home has been signed and we will hear soon when and where.

I can go back to visiting and not having to worry what I will find. Thank God I couldn't bare the thought of her falling down the stairs and lying there all night til carers found her.

So good stories only of nursing homes please

all round.

Very good news GIles!
There is a fair bit of denial going on in my family too, littlehum. One in four survives as long as a year, depending how they tolerate the treatment. Too soon to know how he is doing, really. They don't seem to be prioritising in the way I would, that is for sure...

I really hope that your Dad does well with his treatment pickle.

My Mum can't have any treatment as there is no hope - spread to multiple places. Just palliative care but she is amazingly positive.

At least the denial phase means we have crammed in loads of lovely trips / family events.