Support for those who care for elderly parents - drop in as you need, everyone welcome

[CMOTDibbler]

All of us would rather not be here, but we need to be - with the people who really understand.

Mum never liked cut flowers, and they have a gazillion house plants. But dad likes flowers, so there are some in their delivery - and a birthday cake, scones, cream, jam, J20, dressed crab, candles and a trifle . It works well to send them something nice, and dad would never get a birthday cake.

At christmas I got her a fleecy zip front poncho which she's worn a lot, and the carer finds it very easy to put on her and mum likes to stroke it - so worth a punt as a present

That sounds very similar indeed actually, maybe it isn't infection after all.

Birthdays are hard A birthday tea sounds like a lovely idea though.

Just joining this thread. Does anyone else have issues with their parent's behaviour towards other parent/relative with dementia? DM has always been a feeder and when she visits her sister (who has Alzheimers) in care home 3x a week she is always trying to force her to eat, even when she (aunt) has an infection (UTI, chest, always something) and can barely stay awake. Its almost abusive but DM has some kind of early dementia herself and just doesn't understand and gets irritated when I tell her its not a good idea. Makes me so cross, and then I just feel guilty. Found this other forum which seems v good for this kind of support too. Anyone else been on it? www.agespace.org/chat/topic/5-the-bad-daughter-club/.

birthdays are SO hard, we now try to do treats - afternoon tea somewhere nice, or matinee at theatre. Food presents became a big issue when my DF (who had such a sweet tooth) developed diabetes. Felt so sad that we couldn't buy him all the foodie things he loved any more. Latest present for DM was a combined prezzie from all her children of a watering system for her garden, so next year hopefully it won't all die!!

Welcome 25aylmer. Unfortunately my mum isn't interested in going out anywhere, so treats are out. She has severe language problems and the world is very confusing for her.
Both my parents have diabetes, but its the least of their troubles tbh. Dad is obsessed with getting mum to eat (understandable as she lost 4 stone before he found the tactics to get her to eat), but I think he finds it a way to show he cares as he's a bit obsessed about it generally.

Welcome 25ayler . My mother and my Dad aren't together anymore so don't really have that issue. Plus she is overseas so I can't really sort anything.

I personally would love a watering system, my ideal present !

hello 25ayler my parents got divorced when I was 11 and my father died over 20 years ago, so no experience of that, but it does sound tricky.

Well after numerous calls to and fro, it seems that one of mums lovely carers are going to take her in to the Care Home early afternoon tomorrow. I hope nothing awful happens before then. Apparently her front door was wide open when they arrived yesterday evening, she had turned off all her radiators and had the gas coal-fire on so high they had to get a towel to turn it down. And she had cut her hair with kitchen scissors before they arrived this morning I am really worried and can't wait to know that she is safe in the home. I think they are applying for a Deprivation of Liberty order so that she can't just wander out of the Home. I can't believe how she has suddenly gone downhill so badly

Oh Tilly I am so sorry to hear this. Everything crossed for a quiet night and a safe transfer.

Really sorry to hear this BTM. After the contaminated sample, I guess they are none wiser as to whether she has a UTI? Some new legislation or something came in last year and they are now applying for more DOLs now.

Thanks. I am waiting to hear back from her GP the results of the blood test she did on Thursday.

I've got my fingers crossed that there's an infection going on that is causing her decline BTM, Let's see what today brings for us all.

Bloods all clear, so I am guessing it must have been another little stroke.
When I rang late morning the carer was there helping her to pack her case. Just waiting to hear that she has checked-in safely.

Has your mum been admitted into the carehome now BTM?

Any news on your mum SPT?

I had a phonecall from the district nurse earlier. They are going to be going everyday to give mum insulin, and are 'a bit concerned' after visiting this morning for their initial visit. They are going to do a team discussion about them...

Sounds as if it might be BTM. My Mother goes a bit all over the place after one but then does improve and settle back down a bit. Fingers crossed she settles well in the CH. It is quite hard mentally in you at first so be as kind to yourself as you can

Oh dear CMOT, did she elaborate as to what the concerns are ?

My Mother is back home and sleeping. Blood results tomorrow to check correct AB's. Then next week biopsy results and depending what they are care plan will be looked at for the future.

She's in! I feel relieved already Although there is loads of stuff to sort out - still haven't sorted the Attendance Allowance as it all went downhill so quickly, and waiting to hear back from the solicitors about the EPOA registration. Never mind sorting the house!

CMOT, good that they are going to have a team discussion?

Really pleased she's in, the rest can all be done in due course. Have some with your pancakes.

One thing at a time eh? But great that shes in and safe.

The concerns were about dads mental state , dads blood sugar, use of medication and the usual things I know are an issue.

Has the chance in needle length helped at all? I feel for you CMOT, so hard when you have two together you're worrying about.

His BG is still very high. Though mums was 17 yesterday as well.

Its mums birthday today. God bless Ocado, they rang me to say they'd be 10 minutes, I told the driver that mum had dementia, just to tell her it was from her daughter etc (which I'd put on the delivery instructions), and he phoned me after delivering to tell me it was all in their kitchen and the fridge .
I phoned to say Happy Birthday. She could tell me that nice things had come, but had no idea who I was or who anything had come from.

That's tough CMOT, I'm really sorry I know it sounds silly but he is definitely injecting?

You know, I honestly don't know myself. When I spoke to the DN I said that I felt he really needed some help with it, and if they were going to be going in everyday to do mums, would it be possible for them to inject dad and monitor him too. I emphasised that I felt it was the primary threat to him continuing to care for mum. We'll see what they say.

I think if they can do your Dad's as well that would be really good and suspect you may well see some better bloods, fingers crossed.

Bloods are through for my Mother and are clear of infection which I don't think was expected. Her white cell count is high though whatever that means in the context of this whole thing. I was telling my Brother today about your Mum CMOT and the seizure theory.

We also got onto how best to manage her care briefly which ended quite abruptly when the line went dead. This was just after I said if the biopsy shows cancer then as far as I'm concerned palliative care the only way forward. He muttered about it depends what treatment would be available and I said not really. I do include potentially removing lump as part of palliative if it can be done easily under a local as apparently someone suggested it might be able to. I've read they can ulcerated and get nasty so that's my thinking behind that.

He said earlier that he saw her whilst sundowning and she can't even speak at that point. She did go out to watch the Tai Chi this morning but I'm unclear as to whether she can speak and interact normally. I'm very against any treatment to prolong life at this point.

A lumpectomy under local anaesthetic, if your mum would cooperate would be a really good option. Women your mums sort of age would get around a 6% annual local recurrence rate with that, so although its not definitive treatment, its still pretty good control.

That's really good to know, thank you

Oh SugarPlum

Fingers crossed for them doing the injections for your dad too CMOT - then checking if it is working.