Support for those who care for elderly parents - drop in as you need, everyone welcome

[CMOTDibbler]

All of us would rather not be here, but we need to be - with the people who really understand.

I think they will but she will paying for ? We had a SW despite being self funding. this must be all a shock at the speed of it.

Great - no problem with paying, just need someone to take up the reins and get it sorted asap. The Care Manager is lovely and is going to put in extra visits till she goes into care.

Sorry to hear this BTM, it sounds like a very fast deterioration. Good to hear she'd already signed the POA. SS should help with finding suitable accommodation for her and pointing you in the right directions if you wish to look at places. Be prepared for them to ask quite intrusive questions about finances. You do not have to disclose all (or even anything except the basics) to them but if she has more than £23000 in assets she will need to pay for her own care, unless she qualifies for continuing health care.

So sorry BTM. I'm really glad the care team are helping. They may be a good source of info on care homes to look at or avoid😊

Thanks. She has got more than £23K in total - need POA to access some of the accounts though!
They just rang to ask some details (6 hours after GP called them!) and ask if I had thought of any Care Homes - had a couple to mention who had said they had vacancies but obviously depends on whether they think they can meet DM's needs. They said they would call back with an update, and I have their number and a name now.

Any news this morning BTM?

Day off for me today and I'm on photographing and labelling old photos which went down really well yesterday. She's doing much better and able to talk a fair bit more plus stay awake for longer. Obviously doesn't change long term outcome but we're just focusing on quality of life for time left.

No news yet - am waiting for someone at SS to call me back.

That sounds like a lovely thing to do and quite right to just focus on quality of life

Fingers crossed for you BTM

Thanks SugarPlum.

Just had a call back from the very nice woman who had just been to see DM. She said the next step is to identify suitable care homes that have spaces (thinks one with EMI would be best incase DM reacts badly to the move although she is desperate to leave) The one she mentioned is Requires Improvement in 4/5 categories. Should I worry/ask them to find somewhere else? It has Good for the Caring category which is the most important, I guess!

I wouldn't be very happy with that long term to be honest, unless that has triggered a change in management. I guess it depends what exactly the issues are though.

I agree it would depend on what exactly those issues are, and what they are doing about them

Good to hear your mum is brighter SPT

BTM Have you been on the CQC website and read the inspectors report. It will tell you what exactly they were doing wrong. I would want to know if there has been a change in owner or registered manager since that inspection if I was even going to consider it as an option.

Thanks! Yes, I have spoken to SS and looked at CQC website and read "reviews" from the last couple of months. There has been a change of manager and owner and the nice lady from SS said that it has improved a lot since the last inspection. There are also a few positive reviews (and no negative ones) on the internet.

I feel a bit reassured, but also a bit worried. I can't get up there for at least 3 weeks - hopefully it will be OK for a stop-gap even if I have to get her moved asap once I have seen it. Or can I push for a different one? I guess that also depends on where is suitable and has beds.

I just wanted to add my thoughts and best wishes.

No real change here. DM seems to have an infected tooth which is not to bad at the moment but which may be contributing to her varying capacity. This will come out, so perhaps slow the already slow decline. I am still sticking her savings in five year fixed rate bonds with reasonable confidence that we won't incur penalties for early withdrawal.

Not what she wants, I'm sure. Extreme old age with little capacity can last a long time.

NMS, it's horrid, isn't it? My own DM keeps saying she has had enough - ready to die. Such a shame that they have to continue on with little capacity and knowing to some extent that they have lost the plot

Because of the above and DM saying what will happen when she dies, etc, we are just looking at buying a funeral plan so that is in place for whenever it is needed

Yes it does suck a lot

My Mother was readmitted yesterday as started struggling to breathe. She was on heavy duty diuretics and fairly dehydrated and had a raging UTI. New hospital a lot better than the other and there is apparently a question mark over whether she has had strokes. They suspect a blood infection as well.

4 phone calls from Brother today. The last is although her skin looks good I've quite pink there is growing concern that she has had 48 hours of ABs and won't really wake up. Also before she was gripping onto Carers hand when they held hers (this is part of Thai style dementia care) but now her strength has gone.

I was looking at the breast ultrasound which has some positives but some concerning features. We do really need a biopsy and also a CT of brain to know where we're at now as to whether she has cancer and what is causing the breathing episodes she has been having. And will just have to see whether she just needs to sleep/ needs different AB's (waiting for blood cultures) or whether this is something more serious.

It feels very familiar and similar to FIL last summer to be honest.

Sending thoughts and good wishes to you BTM and nms.
Here fil is getting a bit distressed in his home as there is a lady resident who has been very chatty with him( which is good) but now says she is going to marry him- despite her husband(!) regularly visiting her. I don't think she has dementia but it is upsetting fil so we are taking in pics of him and mil to keep with him so he can tell her that this is his wife. Staff are very good and do separate them but she was one of the only ones who can hold a conversation🙁.

Oh gosh SugarPlum - what a mixture of issues to untangle.

Awww sandwich. You don't expect to have to deal with those sorts of issues!

I am crossing everything that the Care Home manager can take DM tomorrow.

More crossed fingers for you BTM. Missed out SPT 🙃

Poor FIL Sandwich. Nothing with dementia is ever straight forward.

Fingers crossed firmly for tomorrow BTM, it must be hard waiting.

Yes it all a bit of a tangle with my Mother. I'm trying to take the what will be will be attitude and actually would rather she doesn't come round (only able to semi rouse her once today) if she does have cancer I think having seen what MIL went through.

We'll know a bit more with my Mother in a week's time as consultant taken her down for breast biopsy. She looked at it and said it did look like malignant cancer. I'm assuming the fact she can say that from examination is pretty bad news.

She's gone from my Brother shitting himself yesterday afternoon to being good today and the hospital wanting to discharge her.looking at pictures though and her eyes look pretty sunken. I think the next few months are going to be rocky.

Sorry to hear that SPT.

I wonder whether your mum is having the same thing with non responsiveness that mine has? Mums is thought to be seizure activity as she is so out of it, and then comes back with only a small deficit, and never anything you could say was stroke symptoms. Still scary, but we've got used to them now

Actually CMOT that had crossed my mind as well. Does your Mum have a short episode of breathing issues at the start of hers ? She's been down for a biopsy today and they have said they think it is about 90% certain it is cancer but biopsy results through in 3-5 days. Looked at photo of her today and she really doesn't look well, so different to photos from last spring.

Yes, her breathing gets laboured and then very slow. She's had times when she has a few of these episodes in a row - they last about 24-36 hours - but hers are normally every 6 weeks or thereabouts.

Its mums birthday on Wednesday. Ds asked me why he was writing a card to her. I could only answer 'because it makes grampy happy' . I gave up on trying to buy her a present and have Ocado'd them a birthday tea.

SugarPlum that sounds upsetting.

And CMOT I was wondering the same about something for DM - her birthday is just after Easter. She loves plants/flowers - would that be a possibility for your DM.

Just waiting to hear back from the Care Home manager on whether they can offer her a place.