Support for those who care for elderly parents - drop in as you need, everyone welcome

[CMOTDibbler]

All of us would rather not be here, but we need to be - with the people who really understand.

How is everyone?

Good news here - as of tomorrow, the DNs will be doing dads injections and glucose monitoring. They are also going to audit and dispose of medications not needed in the house which is a blessing.

Quiet here, waiting for biopsy results tomorrow. That is really good news CMOT, really pleased to hear that

Well I spoke too soon! Breast biopsy site infected so as no GP it's another trip to hospital this morning. The hospital called to say the Professor wanted to be there for biopsy results tomorrow but Brother declined that.

And another call. Hospital spoke to lab, the biopsy was clear apparently.

Thats great! One less thing to worry about

Thanks . I'm so used to disasters that I'm kind of convinced they have messed up and missed the lump or something when they took the sample.

I know exactly what you mean, I find it impossible to believe anything will go well.

I am in a bit of a mood today - the ILs hadn't spoken to dh since boxing day. He phoned them last night, and they had no interest at all. He told them that it was half term for ds this week and we both had some days off. Not even a mention of 'oh it would be nice to meet up'. Straight in a manky home for them!

CMOT, it's hard. No consolation but we were in the same boat. They dumped diabetic DH in boarding school for sixth form and buggered off abroad to retire. They weren't interested in the DC, it was sad.

Thats awful SPT. Ho hum. I'm actually not sure how serious I am when I say I won't be helping our if/when they need it.

Are your children on half term this week?

They are CMOT thank goodness and DH and I are both off as from tomorrow too, lovely to have a break

Another day, another phone call. She's gone into that full on Dementia locked in state, mouth open staring at ceiling again. Consultant is puzzled, doesn't know what it is and said she can't rule out cancer. She wants her to be seen by the Professor my Brother refused to see this morning who now isn't there for 9 days. And they want her to have IV antibiotics in hospital which he declined and they won't let her have them at home so it's tablets then back to see Professir in 9 days.

DH and I think if it isn't cancer it might be a fat tumour. Apparently she has been wearing a bra that was too small so breast tissue might have had a battering from that. Then the biopsy caused current infection. Infection samples showed as negative too but consultant thinks that the AB's she's been having will mask it on samples and it is now deeper inside. They are hoping that in 9 days the lump may have gone apparently . If not and infection gone down enough in nine days time then they may try to take it out.

I'm finding it all a bit stressful. Thank goodness DH off today.

Hi all.
SPT don't worry about the breast lump at all. In elderly / very elderly people breast cancer is usually responsive to tamoxifen and this so effective that it's ( usually) a cancer you die with, not it because of, and problems related to it are low. I'm a GP and have known ladies treated without even a biopsy if getting them to the clinic to see strange people would be impossible.

I'd be thinking about asking them for a trial of treatment rather than a biopsy - or at least what they think the gains of chopping the lump out were.

It obv is my area but " just to be certain about the diagnosis" wouldn't cut it for me as a reason - she's already had an infection post biopsy after all.

Feeling sad and missing my mum on her anniversary. Not sure if to go see dad or not. Don't think I will. He has no idea - or at least non that he can find words for (lack of language is just the worst bit I think) . I don't think he remembers her at all. I find that upsetting. Have to be pragmatic though as he lives in the here and now so he doesn't ( as far as I can tell) pine for the old life and accepts being in the home with me popping in and out.

HelenluvsRob, I'm sorry. I think I agree with you not to go, I know I would probably find that upsetting.

I got the impression that the Consultant does want to know what it is as is puzzling her. The thing is I have very little control over anything. We'd agreed that she probably wouldn't need to be back on the Respiridone a week or so again as she was totally compliant, then today he casually introduces the fact he's put her back on a low dose.

I have to try and detach now as I can feel myself starting to stress over things I can do nothing about. He only takes the medical advice he wants to on board eg. When she was inpatient the other week Doctor said no food, he told carers to ignore and feed her. Last couple of weeks we've had she's had a stroke and almost certainly has cancer, no it's not a stroke it's infection, blood tests clear of infection but we're 95% certain she has cancer, we're worried she won't wake up, she doesn't probably doesn't have cancer but might still. It's like a roller coaster and sometimes I'm taking these calls at 5.45am. It was a civilised 6.57am this morning but DD and friend were up anyway clattering around as just gone away so I was awake anyway. I'm whinging again, sorry. A should sort me out.

Sorry to hear your news SPT and Helen. Helen- I would not visit today but find your own way to remember your mum and celebrate her life. Take care

Dad had a visit from the psychiatric assessment nurse this morning - he got 22 on the MMSE. They are going to discuss starting him on medication. Dad is not terribly impressed at this tbh, but fortunately if the nurse says he needs it, he'll do it.
Seems the ILT now have this nurse working with them, which I think is fabulous as I'm sure many peoples issues appear when they or their partner has been in hospital

That is good news that support in place now and that he will do as she says. Hard for you to year though I think

Things have calmed down overseas and now and her sense of humour back plus she's been up to restaurant for food so an awful lot better than it was.

Oh gosh, SugarPlum, it sounds very difficult for you with your brother behaving like that as well as all the worry about your DM's medical issues. And such a roller-coaster

Helen, that sounds very sad for you - I agree, go and visit him another day, the day obviously isn't special for him now - remember her your own way

CMOT, what is the MMSE? Is it that Memory Assessment they do to diagnose dementia? Do they repeat it regularly or was it his first time? My DM got 43 the first time, but I doubt it'll be anywhere near that much now.
What meds are they thinking of? They put DM on Galantamine - doesn't seem to be doing any harm, but I'm not sure if it's helping at all

Just back from a short but relaxing holiday (only took DS so no teen moaning/bickering/arguing, etc!!!) and spoke with DM who sounds good and happy in her Care Home I am now trying to start listing all the jobs that I need to get on with when I go up in 10 days. Just wondering what to do about mail - apart from the useless junk mail, should I just get it all redirected to me? She is incapable of doing anything and I am currently getting the Enduring POA registered. Also, what do I do about elec/gas/phone/council tax, etc bills? Noone living there now, but we haven't quite decided whether to sell and will probably need to stay there a bit as we sort it out.

That's really good news BTM- long may it continue!
SPT you've been through a big roller coaster and it must be very hard at such a distance. Is your brother maybe over dramatizing? I remember I was a bit like that with Dad at the beginning- you get mixed messages/ partial facts form the docs, it all looks bad, then things settle down. Before Christmas we were told Dad had no rehab potential, would never walk again, and what do you know, he's walking fine now. I take everything with a big pinch of salt these days.

It is 59.99 to,get mail redirected for a year. I just had to take form in P office with PoA.

That sounds good Querky - is it just a form that you get from the PO? Hopefully I will have some sort of proof of POA by the time I go up.

I think I downloaded mine and completed it before I went. It has been so useful

BTM - its this form to redirect someones mail when you have PoA.

MMSE is the mini mental state examination - mark out of 30, and under 24 is cognitive impairment. Its dads first test, and when the District Nurse phoned me yesterday she hadn't had a chance to catch up with the psychiatric nurse but will let me know what is decided. They were asking for a digital safe to put mums meds in (£39.99 from Argos if you ever need one) so once they have got rid of everything else they know exactly where everything is. So that will be in place tomorrow.

I hope this will mean things will be a bit easier for you CMOT with more people looking out for them.

My Mother came back off Respiridone but has started again as she was trying to hit the carers so does need it. Happy with that as just wanted a time without it to see if needed.

She had an out patient appointment at hospital yesterday as her breast looked a bit swollen again. Some fluid was drained off and the doctor said he couldn't feel the lump after that. She is a lot better apparently and was going up to restaurant with Brother yesterday afternoon and had had her nails done and was wearing make up. Which considering there was a major panic not long ago is amazing. Usually she is sundowning too badly in the afternoon to go anywhere.

She sees the professor about the lump on Thursday . I'm hoping that it will be gone by then or confirmed as an abscess, which would explain what has been happening the last few weeks.

Mum complained to dad yesterday that the cat wasn't eating. It was lying dead in the kitchen, and she has been looking for it every 10 minutes since.
Dads blood sugar is lots better but 'they're starving him' which of course is what he needed- no juice, jam etc

Oh no CMOT re the cat Glad to hear they are onto your dad!