Responsibility for Elderly Parents? Support thread right here!

[Needmoresleep]

Several of us are on the same journey. Some more difficult than others, some longer than others, but none easy. Feel free to share tears, rants or laughter with others who will understand.

Mum liked it apparently . She didn't eat there, but did have some soup in the end. And is loving the bedtime carers. Phew.

SPT, I don't blame you in the least for keeping detached, you've been through so much.

That is a result CMOT Lovely to end the week on a positive note.

Spoke too soon - she's been vomiting for 8 hours, and now has a big rash all over. The night carer told dad to phone the ambulance as its so bad. Of course he'd just put her on the bed with a bowl, and hadn't undressed her so hadn't seen it.

Am away so DH visited my mum. She started off expressing her desire to end it all now and finished warning that he would have a long wait for the inheritance. I take this as evidence that his visit cheered her up.

Yr 13 and UCAS for us. It's going to be a tough year. Dd was very ill over the summer and so has started school exhausted. School are piling on the homework. Lots of early nights for all of us. Thank goodness my mother is relatively well. At the moment priority would have to be DD.

Just seen CMOTs post. Poor you.

Oh goodness CMOT I hope you hear some better news soon.

NMS your DH is a bit of a star . So sorry to hear about DD, what a tough time for you all

Apparently, an allergic reaction to the medication she'd been changed onto. And the foaminess was due to her chewing the tablet which was supposed to be swallowed whole.

So panic over. Just another normal Saturday!

Well done MrNMS

Phew, glad panic over. Hope next weekend is calmer.

Gosh CMOT glad is all OK.

NMS I have had DM saying stuff like that but she quickly stopped moaning.

Going to see the consultant later...

Good luck BTM Even I you expect to hear the diagnosis it can be a bit of a shock to the system, my eyes randomly watered for a couple of weeks.

Thanks Will update later.

Good luck BTM ????

Oops meant to be flowers.

Thanks!

It's mild-moderate vascular dementia with some Alzheimers mixed in, as GP had suggested. Consultant thought DM presented well given her low score for memory and DM just can't see what all the fuss is about having lived in her own little world all her life!

Is he giving her a referral to a memory clinic. I found access to the memory nurse very useful in the early days when I was on a steep learning curve. There has to be admiration for these parents who carry on, coping surprisingly well, despite having little short term memory. Sometimes what might have been seen as a character weakness becomes a useful strength.

I hope you are OK.

Thanks NMS. This was at the memory clinic - said she will have a few follow-up appointments, the next in about 6 weeks. I think this would be to see how med are going, but would that be what you meant? The doc felt she seemed to be coping v well!

Its good to have a diagnosis as it can also point to how things will progress - often vascular goes in plateaus and sharp drops.
I found the memory clinic most useful in terms of someone to blame for things, they'd send mum off to do the tests while talking to me and I could prime them about issues - so the emergency pendant, not driving, going to the day centre (first try) was entirely their idea not mine

Dad is driving me nuts. He is very grumpy, and in a 'I've had enough, if she dies, she dies' mood. 3 phone calls before 10 this morning

Yes the doc said that about vascular, CMOT.

Sorry to hear that about your dad - sounds like he's sounding off at you, just like my teen DD does to me!

After the consultants verdict my mum saw a specialist nurse who was wise and no-nonsence. She gave my mum short shrift when my mum started telling her how dreadful I was, which at the time was very useful. Everyone else seemed concerned to know what my mother wanted however impractical yet no one seemed concerned about me, but assumed I would make it all happen.

She also knew the system quite well so gave me a few useful pointers. (I don't think she was allowed to give actual advice.) It was useful to talk to someone who had seen it all before. And I was able to blame her for stuff as CMOT suggests. Eg nurse insisted that a carer came in to give her daily Aricept, even though, obviously, she would remember herself.

NMS, I'm not sure if that's the kind of nurse she will see next, but fingers crossed!

My experience was that that they have every incentive to support families as without family support, their patients are at the mercy of the system.

30 months ago things were pretty grim and I was at the end of my tether. The nurse was lovely and even encouraged me to phone to discuss how my mum was getting on. The frequency of appointments is now greatly reduced (one or two a year) but I still feel I could call and ask for help/advice if I needed it.

That is exactly the same diagnosis that my Mother had BTM. I also found the Memory Nurses really helpful and did the hiding behind them thing, they are lovely (same ones NMS sees). 30 months down the line here and Brother had an email from someone saying she was very mild and he couldn't detect any symptoms so she has in some ways deteriorated little though her personality requires lots of care.

In addition we were allocated a Memory Advisor who visited at home and rang a couple of times until she went into care. It seems to vary from region to region thd help available .

CMOT sorry to hear that. Definitely reminds me of a Teenage tantrum. Was talking to a friend the other day who is just starting to have to deal with issues with her parents. Thd best I could sat (she has teens) is it is like dealing with teens but with even less control.

NMS and SugarPlum, that is really helpful - I will try to go back up for the next appointment so that I can meet them - it sounds like it will be worth it!

CMOT, I hate to suggest it but could the mood, depression and repeated phone calls be early signs of dementia. I think you mentioned the possibiity in an earlier post. Your poor dad has gone through so much, it would not be surprising if he is bending under the strain.

BTM, my mother also has declined very little in the past 30 months. (Just Alzheimers.) Good food limited stress, company etc have all helped to ensure she is able to use the capacity she has left.

Someone suggested I note when she was last laying down memories consistently. For example when I moved things from her old flat she remembered some but not others. It was probably about seven years earlier. Apparently the pace of decline is fairly consistent and her's is slow.

NMS - its almost entirely that I'm afraid. So I feel awful for resenting him, but being phoned 6 times a day (if I answer, if I don't pick up he keeps calling back with increasingly snarky answerphone messages) to have all the happiness sucked out of me is very wearing. If dh answers, dad will be paranoid about it, so no relief.