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Elderly parents
Original poster

Responsibility for Elderly Parents? Support thread right here!

997 replies

Needmoresleep · 01/09/2014 09:08

Several of us are on the same journey. Some more difficult than others, some longer than others, but none easy. Feel free to share tears, rants or laughter with others who will understand.

OP posts:
SugarPlumTree · 09/09/2015 19:55

I'm sorry she isn't eating or drinking properly but good they have found the UTI and that she gets the SLT assessment quicker. Fingers crossed their input will help. Take good care of yourself Wine

thesandwich · 09/09/2015 20:56

Thinking of you. MoreWine

bigTillyMint · 09/09/2015 21:19

CMOT, sorry to hear she isn't eating/drinking properly and it's good they've found the UTI and getting the SLT assessmentFlowers

CMOTDibbler · 10/09/2015 14:33

They've decided she can come home tomorrow as she's medically stable, they've rejigged her medication and seems OK with her blood pressure, but still won't eat or drink well even with huge amounts of prompting.
Waiting for care company to phone back to confirm they can start a bedtime visit.

CMOTDibbler · 11/09/2015 13:41

Bedtime carers in place as of tonight, mum on transport at 2.

Brother in doghouse after telling dad mum should go into a home. Dad isn't speaking to him now...

SugarPlumTree · 11/09/2015 20:32

Fingers crossed for a peaceful night for them all CMOT. Hope you're not feeling too stressed Flowers

Helenluvsrob · 11/09/2015 20:38

Hugs CMOT.

thesandwich · 11/09/2015 20:57

Fingers crossed here too for a peaceful night. Wine

SugarPlumTree · 12/09/2015 11:50

How is it going CMOT?

CMOTDibbler · 12/09/2015 16:26

All seems OK - carers turned up on time last night, and both parents accepted them fine.

I did have a long chat with the team leader for the ILT, and he feels dad has early dementia too. They will now copy me in on things, are doing laminated posters on if/then/else pathways on who to contact when, and try and think of ways to support dad taking it all into account.

SugarPlumTree · 12/09/2015 17:58

I'm really glad to hear your parents accepted the carers. But that must have been hard hearing what the Team Leader said, I'm really sorry FlowersFlowersFlowers

whataboutbob · 13/09/2015 11:04

CMOT- life really can be relentless. I'm sorry you are now having to hear your Dad may have dementia. But it's so good carers are now in the picture. As has happened for my Dad, they can be ramped up to meet need. When Dad was at his most chaotic I never thought we'd be where we are now- essentially him totally accepting all day care and in the process being safe.
I am off visiting my uncle and aunt abroad for a child free 4 days on Tuesday.

bigTillyMint · 14/09/2015 07:08

Oh CMOT, sorry to hear about your dad too. Glad the carers seemed to go well thoughFlowers

Burrluckk · 15/09/2015 11:07

Hi all
First time on her but really need advice .......
My parents are living with myself my husband and 15 year old daughter due to them having to leave privately rented property after 5 years as the landlords wanting to sell. They moved in with me as there was nothing around at the time that was 9 months ago !! I really want them to go now as its just not practical for any of us but the problem is my mum especially is very happy where she is she has excuse after excuse for not leaving they are on the local council housing register but she doesn't want to move out of the village we live in my dad not so bad he's quite practical but his mobility isn't great due to spinal surgery they are on a band c with the council which I'm surprised at as he has genuine medical needs and letters from Drs and consultants etc anyway if I suggest any other property my mum says she can't afford it or it's only 1 bedroom and so on its so stressful although I believe they don't think it is my dad gets down bless him and gets upset over it all . Any advice pleaseeeeee ??

SugarPlumTree · 16/09/2015 18:15

Hello Burluckk . I'm really sorry buy I haven't had any experience of living with parents.

I think though I would be honest and say it isn't working for you as a family and witb your DD the age she is and GCSE'S looming they do need to make alternative arrangements. Easy to say on here and much harder to actually do though, my sympathies Flowers

bigTillyMint · 16/09/2015 20:11

Me neither, but I agree with SugarPlum, having just suffered the GCSE trauma. It's hard for you though.

thesandwich · 16/09/2015 20:53

No experience either but the longer it goes on the harder it is. And certainly echo the stresses of teenagers and exams. Is sheltered housing an option? What does your dh think? Be strong

CMOTDibbler · 16/09/2015 21:10

Burluckk, I'm in awe that you have managed to live with them this long! I couldn't live with any of our relatives. I think you need to bite the bullet and have a frank talk with your parents that you were happy to have them, but they have to take the next possible property, and then think about the perfect one once they are living somewhere else. Be firm - which is hard I know.

Can everyone cross their fingers for my mum settling in at the day centre tomorrow? 4 hours, being taken in by one of their carers, picked up by the other. Just like nursery settling in, alas down to the bag with spare pants, pad, sippy cup etc

Original poster
Needmoresleep · 16/09/2015 21:11

Phone Shelter.

They need to be rehoused, perhaps in sheltered. As well as the medical stuff you should think about other things that might add to their points:

  1. With four adults and an almost 16 year old are you over crowded in social housing terms.
  2. What can you formally do to 'evict' them. Sounds cruel but often people need to be 'homeless' before the Local Authoritywill be willing to rehouse them It then helps that they might be considered vulnerable.

Explain to them that to get the council/Housing Assn flat that is the sustainable solution they need to play the game and tick the boxes. If they don'tget into the system now it won't get any easier as time goes on. Find out how frequently vacancies come up in the block your mum likes and how these are allocated (the manager probably won't mind you asking for an appointment to discuss). If she essentially says 'no hope' or that your parents need to consider other options if offered, then be clear.

They need to move whilst in relatively good health, otherwise moves which allow them to stay together become increasingly problematic.

OP posts:
thesandwich · 16/09/2015 21:25

Fingers firmly crossed CMOT for your mum. Really hope it works.

bigTillyMint · 16/09/2015 21:45

CMOT, sending good wishesFlowers

NMS speaks good sense, Burrluckk.

SugarPlumTree · 17/09/2015 20:01

Hoe did it go CMOT?

CMOTDibbler · 17/09/2015 20:08

TBH, I haven't called today -I knew the ILT were going today to try and teach dad to do mums temp, so he wasn't alone, and with the number of calls per day I've been getting I just wanted to get on some work!
I'll call tomorrow...

SugarPlumTree · 18/09/2015 17:03

Very sensible CMOT for all your sakes .

Apparently all kicking off with my Mother as the Nurse leaving and wants to set up her own home and will be taking a fair few of the staff with her. So she'll probably be moving. I am trying to be relatively detached as it's bern full on with other stuff here.

thesandwich · 18/09/2015 18:05

Hello all. Very wise CMOT and SPT- take a step back.
I know so many of us are dealing with our dc's challenges with the start of a new term- so they must come first.
Hope things are going well for the dc's-Tilly too.
Look after yourselves