The mental trauma caused by boarding

So what do you think about working families who drop their kids (babies?) at nursery shortly after they wake up, and let them be looked after by ‘paid employees’ for their waking hours, then collected by parents just before their bedtime?

Yes, I'm aware that Boy was written a long time ago.

If you'd like me to recommend some more up-to-date reading for you, there are three recently published books by ex-boarders who attended in the 1990s that I've read, and a recent BBC radio documentary series about the child sex abuse cover ups at boarding schools.

I think it's really sad and unjust that parents in general have to work so many hours to earn enough to support a family.

That you even have to posit this issue here, on this thread, as somehow comparable to being raised in a total institution shows how bad it has become.

It’s funny how many people who turn up on threads like this know men scarred from starting Eton at 11 or Harrow at 7.

Which part is funny to you?

Not in the least funny

Will Young has spoken recently about the dreadful Prep school he went to in the 1990"s.
My son attended the same dreadful school much later, I can't believe the school is still in operation. There are a few teachers still there after many decades. They have so much to answer for. Like Will Young 's parents we carried on to senior school, the main bullies were the teachers. Boys don't want to upset their parents by speaking out. It's heartbreaking to think this practice still continues today.

Funny that neither are possible and therefore the posters are incorrect, either because they are making it up to add to the anecdata or because they weren’t paying very much attention to the poor men telling their story and therefore possibly aren’t the best witnesses to the wider story

Ah, was that supposed to be a gotcha post?

I'm really seeing how difficult it must be for abused kids to speak up to their pro-boarding school parents.

So much horror dismissed so easily.

I didn't know this about Will Young, he's not one of the ex-pupils I've read about before. His story is horrific, but unfortunately very similar to the others. I hope his suit is successful and that your son is doing ok now.

That is the very definition of a non-sequitur…

this is nothing to do with parents believing their children. The pp was saying it’s weird how many posters claim to know people reporting a first person experience that cannot have happened, and how they always (only) appear on these threads

So much criticism of parents abandoning their children to boarding school. Most modern boarding schools are not like that at all. My DCs boarded occasionally in the final year of prep school (their choice) and full-time from 13. Again their choice. Most weekends they were able to come home and then we always had the long holidays together. They were always happy to go back to see their friends - my dd once described it to my younger DD as like being on a sleepover every night! Of course I missed them when they went, but it did allow me to work long hours without worrying about childcare as a single parent. They both made life-long friends and neither them nor I have any regrets.

In contrast, I went to the local state school, was severely bullied for years so played truant often and hated every minute of school until I left at 16. It took me a few years to recover from the trauma of school to eventually return to education as an adult and build a career.

It seems to me that less wealthy parents are happy to send their kids off to state school with wrap around care and holiday clubs from a very early age. How much quality time are they really spending with their DC?

At least I had the important early years as a SAHP with my DC and never needed to use wrap around care or holiday clubs. I really don't approve of the drive to get all women back to work so soon after having children. I treasured my years at home and built a wonderful loving relationship with my children. We are all very close and there are no abandonment issues!

Your children CHOSE to not live at home at age 10/11 and then again a year later and not only are you ok with this but you seem to view it as a good thing?

Gosh, you were doing so well.

A nice, positive post about the benefits of boarding for you and your family - and then a wasp-like sting at the end, throwing in a pearl-clutching judgment of some women’s choices - even though you begin your own post telling people off for judging your choice.

How to completely discredit everything that came prior.

Why are you and @immergeradeaus lying about posters to discredit people who are discussing child abuse?

There was one poster on this thread who stated their husband went to Harrow at 7, and it was suggested that he actually started at one of the feeder prep schools for Harrow.

That's it.

This is what I mean about pro-boarding school parents not wanting to hear about abuse.

@Randomnamehere
It would help so many if Will is successful. My son is still young, he is at university now. He is doing well but we don't know how things will be in the years to come. He has been through a horrible ordeal, like so many others. Thank you for the good wishes.

These schools are just as they always were.

I do think you can enjoy, or at least get used to, something at the time, while also storing up problems for later. I didn’t hate going away to school aged 7, I was homesick to begin with, then less so. I was never bullied, or abused. Didn’t develop an eating disorder or a drug problem. But it has had a definite impact on my relationship with my mother, and also affects my marriage and friendships.

Glad to hear your son is doing well, and that he has you to support him. If he can access therapy as well, it seems to play a big part in processing this stuff and recovering.

These schools have a lot to answer for, on both an individual and societal level. I hope in future we can break these cycles of abuse, wherever they manifest.

I’m not a ‘pro boarding school parent’

if you had bothered to read my posts, you’ll see I am a grew-up-in-an-abusive-household-child’ who is merely trying to add something to the thread

What I find really strange is the dogmatic posters who refuse to take on board any other opinion or lived experience and use ridiculously inflammatory language to try and shut down those posters who have a different viewpoint
Case in point here

I couldn't agree with you more @Randomnamehere , they have so much to answer for. Our son had therapy and so have we , it's made a world of difference.

I still feel so angry but my son doesn't want them to ruin the rest of his life , they have done so much damage already. I find myself following the teachers around (virtually) when they move schools, I know it's not healthy but I won't rest until I have justice for my son . He is not ready yet but that day will come.

Her husband went to Harrow. Her husband was damaged by being dropped off at boarding school at 8. Nothing to suggest @TarquinOliverNimrod is lying. Its hardly unbelievable that a child would be damaged by being dropped off at boarding school at 8.

Moving the goalposts there. I had and have no criticism for those saying they had bad experiences. My criticism is for those who are choosing to weaponise the tragedy of forcible removal of children to score points off people they disapprove of. Because it’s a disgusting thing to do.

And I personally am not sure that people who do this have any opinions on child welfare worth hearing.

You seem to be (wilfully?) missing the point of that post, which was:

I read something the other day when it was pointed out that most people are desperate not to have their children taken away and put into care, yet the rich actively seek it out and pay a fortune for it. I hadn't thought of it that way before, but even recognising that some parents have no choice for the reasons identified on this thread, it has the ring of truth for those who opt for boarding voluntarily.

It was simply pointing out an irony - that for most people, having their children taken away is their worst nightmare. Whereas some people pay for their children to be away from them for a not insignificant period of time.

It wasn’t (quite obviously, to me at least, with no skin in the game) comparing the experience of children in care with boarding schools.