The mental trauma caused by boarding

This is a daft view. None of my children attended the schools their parents/grandparents/great-grandparents had attended. We chose the schools that we thought would be the best fit for them as individuals.

It's also possible that Bear Grylls' negative experience of boarding school was based on his experience at a boarding prep school, rather than at 13+.

I think this depends on the school and the age a child starts to board. It can be an experience that makes or breaks children but in my experience kids who begin to board at the usual ‘prep out’ age (13+) and come from a feeder prep (and so have friends) tend to have an incredibly positive experience.

But did they Board because it was the done thing in your family?

No. They boarded because those schools were the best all round fit for them. Going on to board was the 'done thing' at their prep school, but there were also children who went on to local day schools. As mentioned earlier, one of my DC was at a day school until she chose to board in the sixth form. We chose a school which suited her perfectly, and she loved every second of it - all her closest friends are from that time.

Nothing you have posted establishes that boarding per se is bad for children. If you send a child too young, if you send a child who is ill suited, if you send them into a poor environment, you will get problems. The same issues obtain in other environments. Much of what has been written about problems resulting from boarding relate to an era when disregarding the factors set out above was commonplace; that is no longer the case.
if we believe separation from parents is harmful per se we should be far more worried about infant daycare. That practice is far more widespread and affects children at a very early age, a pre-verbal age very often.

No, it doesn’t establish that either. The truth is “boarding” is far too wide as a concept. Any reputable psychological researcher will understand that to lump the former practice of sending 7 year olds to board with no contact with family for weeks at a time together with the modern approach of sending 13 year olds with frequent contact through calls, texts, weekends home and visits is not valid. They are so different as to belong to different categories of experience altogether. It’s stating the obvious I know but you appear determined to ignore the reality of what boarding now is.

I’m also interested to know when you’ll start in on the parents sending infants to daycare. Given your overwhelming concern for child welfare. Surely, given the ages involved and the much greater prevalence, that must worry you more. Surprised you manage even a wink of sleep in fact.

Boarding schools still attract predatory men. I realise these people exist in other types of schools too but if you want to put your dc in the position where they live away from you potentially in the company of paedophiles your dc will have to hope they are not one of the unlucky ones. No doubt this will cause some of you to froth at the mouth and claim how nurturing your DC’s school is, but if you knew the slightest thing about these men and how they operate you would put your own pride to one side and not put your dc in harms way.

So the best all round fit was not living at home?

They also attract men (and women)who enjoy emotionally abusing boys.You will meet some of the most disturbed individuals in these schools. They groom parents too.

Ask yourself why would anyone be drawn to this institutions? I am so ashamed to say that I sent my son to prep school and carried on to senior school believing things would be different. I am suffering on a daily basis, which is no more than I deserve.

You have written an excellent post @LaDeeDa123, I wish people would listen but fear it will fall on deaf ears.

@Namechangeneededagain I am so sorry to hear that you are suffering. I hope you can start to realise that you have done nothing wrong. Most of us try to make the right decisions for our dc and we do so with all the information we have available, which doesn’t include being able to look into the future. I hope you can get to a point where you feel that any harm that came to your child was not your doing. Take care x

Thank you @LaDeeDa123 for being so kind.x

❤@Namechangeneededagain

An ex of mine went to boarding school at 7 in a different country to his parents (his dad was in the army). He seemed to have rewritten the whole narrative around it.

He had convinced himself he chose to go to a boarding school abroad at 7 as it was the best thing for his education, and that it continued to be the best thing for him despite being horribly bullied. He believed his parents could do no wrong and was very emotionally dependent on them. He wouldn't consider moving away from where they lived as an adult.

He couldn't see it at all but I thought he had been hugely damaged by it and had a very insecure attachment style.

We absolutely can worry about more than one thing. But you don’t seem to. Wonder why that might be.

Bad boarding environments, like other bad environments, can cause harm at any age. There is absolutely nothing that establishes that boarding per se is damaging or which would justify banning it.

Predatory men will go extraordinary lengths to get close to, and isolate their victims in various scenarios, not just schools but sports clubs, theatre groups, church groups, dance schools, cubs, scouts etc. Thankfully safeguarding and vetting is taken a bit more seriously these days.

@DontYouThreatenMeWithADeadFish i have said that predatory men operate in other places too but children at boarding schools are so much more vulnerable than children in other settings. To say otherwise, as you seem to be doing, is false and actually dangerous.