If you are against Home Ed, can you tell me why?

[Bodenbabe]

I'm in the very early stages of thinking about HE and want to know all the pros and cons. If you are against HE, can you tell me why?

HE doesn't make a child more dependent on their parents ime.

thesecondcoming. Most of the HE kids I know do exactly the things you think they ought to be!

Gah! I'm going to have to hide this thread, I think. And then curl up in a ball and cry at how bloody ignorant so many people are . What a world we live in - and what must the majority of people think of my family life? It's hurtful, you know, knowing that so many people think these things when they don't even know what they're bloody talking about!

'Overall, I would say there are children who get a great education through HE, and others who get a pretty rotten one. But, frankly, that is exactly true of children in school. '

This is my point, there are schools that my DCs would go to 'over my dead body' but equally there are excellent schools. HEers seem to take the attitude that any parent can do it and be better than school. On HE threads I can see posters who I would be quite happy to leave my DC with, and others that I wouldn't leave them with for 10 minutes.

I still think that HEers handpick who their DC mixes with, even if they think they don't. For example my best friend from 11yrs was a girl I really liked, she is a good friend today-Godmother to each other's DCs etc; but my mother never liked her. She wouldn't have stopped me seeing her but she wouldn't have gone out of her way to get us together-once a week would have been enough for her. Luckily we saw each other daily at school and the contact didn't have to involve my mother.

I'm not keen on the new term of 'unschooling'-I know someone who uses it where their DCs have never been to school and I don't see how you can 'unschool' someone who has never been 'schooled'.

I think that the Canadian system sounds excellent. I would see the ideal system being where HE is just another choice and they can slot in and out of school, fulltime or part time,and/or share resources. Where they have visits from someone from the LEA to share expertise as a two way thing.
I can't understand the secretiveness of HE where the parent says 'I know what is best for my DC but I'm damned well not going to tell you what I am doing'!! I can't see how a chat and a cup of tea with an LEA inspector is going to traumatise their DC-I can't see why the parent would even need to tell the DC that it was an inspector. If it was me I would say 'come and see what we are doing-it is much better for my DCs than school'. (If I didn't think that I wouldn't do it in the first place!)

"I'm not keen on the new term of 'unschooling'-I know someone who uses it where their DCs have never been to school and I don't see how you can 'unschool' someone who has never been 'schooled'."

If you don't understand something why not look it up and learn about it rather than just not being keen on something purely because you don't understand it?

I have been told about it before on the HE thread. I still think that HE has nothing to do with school-it is education in the home. 'Unschooling' seems to be making the statement that school is something that a 'concerned, caring parent' wouldn't do to their DC. I can't see why HEers ever have to mention school! My understanding is that HE isn't school at home so why mention school?

My DC isn't being 'unHEed'-he has never been HEed so there is nothing to 'un'!

I wouldn't HE purely because I have the temperament of a pissed off doberman. My children are thrilled to escape the snarling beast that is me at 8am.

Excellent point there piscesmoon!

I believe that "unschooling" is an American term for "autonomous education".
Just a "home-school" is an American term and "home-education" is the more usual term in UK.

(apologies to other nationalities that also use the above terms)

As I understand it 'unschooling' refers to not schooling as opposed to undoing schooling (which would be deschooling).

Piscesmoon - I couldn't agree more with you (for once! ). I hate the term 'unschooling' but it is the American way of describing 'autonomous learning' or 'informal learning' or 'natural learning'. I also hate 'homeschool'.

Deschooling means giving your child to get the school way of doing things out of their system once you start HEing after they've been in school.

I was goingto HE. But asked DD when the time came what she wanted to do (she was awarebout HE and that her dad was HE). She wanted to go to school - decision made

Flamingo- I think you overreacting a bit. The OP has asked why people are against HE - surely you knew there would be negative posts when you decided to read it?
I think that most posters have been entirely reasonable.

I can offer both sides of the story here, as my dd recently returned to school after 9 months of HE.

I took her out of an appalling school last December. She has ASD and was totally unsupported in school. Eventually, she reached the stage of self-harm and wanting to die.
I spent the best part of 3 years practically begging the school to help and in the end I removed her to save her life -literally.

Immediately, I saw a dramatic transformation in her and she started to thrive.

The enforced socialisation other posters think is essential only served to add to dd's stress;
being around lots of people for huge chunks of time is something she finds incredibly difficult.

I have another dd who is incredibly sociable and who loves being around her friends. She is in reception and doing really well. It therefore wouldn't occur to me to HE her (unless she was unhappy at school, of course).
So in one family, we have two completely different children and I would ask that people don't apply a blanket viewpoint to socialisation at school. It simply doesn't follow that it is best for all children to follow the same path.

We found another school some distance away, which is tiny and has a real 'family feel' and dd reached a point where she was ready to give it another try. Her ASD makes her feel very 'different' and she is desperate to fit in. Unfortunately, HE did make her feel different - she got a lot of upsetting comments from children at her old school. We knew we had to give school another try so that dd could have the opportunity to experience a good school environment and see how she faired.

So, she started there in September. The school is incredibly supportive and I couldn't be happier with them.
However, the socialisation issue is again becoming an issue. Sensory difficulties mean that the demands of being around a group of children for 6 hours a day leaves her drained and stressed. Once again, she is starting to fray at the edges.

We are thinking that perhaps flexi-schooling will be the answer for her, but it is so difficult to balance all of her needs.

So please don't assume that HE is a straightforward choice in every case, or that all HEdders have the same opinions and views.
I have seen great HEdders (hello, Streakybacon!) and some not so great. That also applies to none HEdding parents, though.

Children are individuals- as are parents. I didn't know anything about HE prior to doing it myself but the research I did completely opened my eyes to the benefits.

Piscesmoon - I love your posts. You are always so reasoned and reasonable and I agree with everything you say.
I completely accept that for a child with special needs which aren't being met at school HE may be the best option. The OP hasn't suggested her dd has special needs (in fact she hasn't said very much about her at all!). All she has said is that she doesn't like being away from her mum which in my opinion (and the OP has asked for reasons why we wouldn't HE) is not a good reason to pull her out.

I don't think it matters whether it is 'un' or 'de'-I just can't see the point in mentioning school at all, if you are not using the institution of school for education. (I hate most American terms-I don't know why we adopt them!)

I think that yours is the best post on here siblingrivalry (although there are a lot of very interesting posts) and that is because you are taking the starting point of your DCs and finding a method of education that suits them-above all you are leaving your experience of school and wants out of it.
I have 3 DCs that are all very different personalities-it is difficult to believe that I am mother to all 3! I can't treat them all the same-what is good for one is bad for another.

From my own point of view I couldn't have HEed without detriment to one or more. My eldest is 8 and 10 yrs older than his brothers. If he hadn't gone to school the younger ones would have missed out or DS1 would have had a boring time.I was happy that he was out of the house for 6 hours in a stimulating environment. This left me free to do the sort of things that you can do with toddlers such as splash through the puddles and feed the ducks-not something you can do with an 11yr old (or at least not several times a week). I could go to mother and toddler groups-with DS1 at home we couldn't have gone. I would have had to shop several times a week with all of them. Later on when I could have left DS1, he would have had a boring time left to his own devices-I couldn't drag a 15 yr old to a Hands on Science exhibition and either the younger ones wouldn't go or he would be home alone. The younger ones would have spent a lot of time in the car and hanging around while DS1 did something.
DS3 is much brighter than DS2 and this would show up dreadfully in HE - it wasn't obvious with them both out at school. DS2 and 3 have less than 2 yrs betweeen them and, although they are close, they are so different that it was good to have hours apart- with their own experiences and friends.
I am only putting these things in to show that even if you can afford it and want to do it-it is necessarily a good thing for your particular family dynamics.
I am very heartened by the fact that I have had some support and then I noticed it is an Education thread-had it been HE I would have been hounded off by now!!! It is an interesting debate. I am not against HE- as in siblingrivalry's DC case,it can be the best option. The DC has to be central and not the parent.

Starlight it's up to individual headteachers whether they accept children flexitime. Have a word with the headteacher at your school and point out the benefits to your child and the school.

I did have a list earlier on StarlightMcKenzie of DC who would benefit from it-SN is only one group who might benefit. It can be the best option for many DCs-my only point is that it should be the best for the DC and not the philosophies of the parent.
Flexi school is possible in many places-you need a sympathetic Head-my nephews managed it.You can but ask-they can only say 'no'.

Just chucking this one in- I have just started to HE my dds- my ds goes to secondary school. I took my dds out of a school they mostly enjoyed and have put them on a list for another- we have no idea how long we are going to wait for places.

Now, we have our reasons for all these decisions- taking some dcs out and having the other at school- which I won't go into here...what I will say is that I'm expecting a bit of from some home edders, and also a bit of from some of those parents of children in school (I haven't experienced either of these yet, though, I have to say- everyone's been really positive!)

What I want to say is this- doubtless some schools are good for some children- in the same way some schools are bad for others. In the same way some HE children will not feel as adults that they had the best opportunity- and some will.

Stating the bleedin' obvious- and going round the houses- I don't think anyone can sensibly make any comment on other people's choices, without bringing their own prejudices into it. Having a foot in both camps, as it were, I can see that both choices are valid under different circumstances.

...just a little one about having to be "wealthy" enough to HE- pleeeeease don't assume this is the case!

"...just a little one about having to be "wealthy" enough to HE- pleeeeease don't assume this is the case!"

Made me LOL too CitizenP . Don't think I know any HEers that fall into the 'wealthy' bracket.

We're getting by on one average wage and low-level benefits, but you cut your cloth accordingly, don't you? Fixing the damage that was done to ds is our priory now and it's worth every penny.