If you are against Home Ed, can you tell me why?

[Bodenbabe]

I'm in the very early stages of thinking about HE and want to know all the pros and cons. If you are against HE, can you tell me why?

Many of my family members taught in schools for children with emotional and behavioural problems (not things like autism, but issues caused by home life; many of the children were in care).

One of the main characteristics that those children had in common was they they could be described as being mature beyond their years, able to have adult conversations and interact with adults, but not with their own peer group.

So it concerns me that people are describing HE kids as mature but lacking in social skills. I thought that one of the main points for many HE parents was that they wanted the children to experience a childhood, and that they felt schools institutionalise children. But if you are a HE child who spends more time with adults than you do with lots of other children, they that is missing out on a childhood in a way.

I am not against HE; I am sure there are people doing it wonderfully and that should be recognised. But the HE kids I have met have been as people have said on this thread - able to talk in a mature way to adults, but unable to socialise with other children. I am not convinced that is a good thing.

I think this is very a interesting thread finding out people's reservations about HE.

Some reasons might have some validity(obviously they do for the poster) and some are misconceptions or don't apply to individual home-educators but all are interesting and worth considering.

I'm not against HE and in fact did HE dd for a while when looking for a new school.
My minus points were I found it pretty boring tbh (dd was y1) and was following NC as always intended it a short term option. It was too easy to concentrate on the stuff she was good at and a bit of a drag to go over number bonds that she didn't enjoy for the umpteenth time.It was also very easy to get distracted by the nice weather and decide to go on trips to the park, farm, museum instead of doing what she should have been doing. I love being her mum but am not too keen on being her teacher. I like teaching her things when she stumbles across something that interests her like french and music.I don't want to be responsible for teaching her arithmetic because quite frankly it's pretty boring at a six year old level although I will happily help my older teens with GCSE and AS level maths.I like having time away from dd just as I suspect dd enjoys having time away from me.
I see it as having served a purpose in that I found the right school for dd but it's not something I would want long term tbh.

Again whilst I know these comments arent aimed at me I feel I must defend them ...my ds3 is home educated he always has been hes now 9 hes v popular has lots of friends and is by no means lacking in any social development compared to his peers, he is very mature for his age but he is able to 'switch' this so he can fit into whatever area of age he is with,I very much approach schooling as a school day and if hes writing a story at 6pm I dont include that in his days lessons as im sure schooled dc will write stories for fun in the evening there is a very strict 'learning' time in my house and as soon as school is done then hes free to be with his friends.

My cons for HE would be:
Finding it difficult to find somewhere for my child to sit exams that is affordable.
Not having a local home-ed group that doesn't require quite a bit of travelling.

I think that's it, really. It's not been enough to put me off, though. If I think of anything else I'll post again.

I am not against it entirely.I don't think that school suits all DCs, and HE is better for some.(I am very surprised if it suits all DCs in a family).
I am against it where it is parent instigated, because the parent wants to do it, the parent had issues about school as a DC which they are projecting onto the DC, the parent has issues about authority, uniforms,keeping to a timetable, where the parent wants to go to museums etc when quiet, where the parent wants to control who the DC mixes with and what the DC thinks.
I am particularly against the parent who says 'my DC loves school but I want to HE'.
I am against the dogmatic HEer who thinks all schools are dreadful and won't admit that some parents are dreadful at HE.
The bottom line is that I loved school at 5 yrs old with a passion and some of my happiest childhood memories are of my lovely rural primary school. I would have hated to have been stuck at home with 2 younger brothers and a mother who had to do shoppping, look after a baby etc. Above all I want to be taught by someone who knows how to teach, I don't want to have someone 'facilitate my learning'-especially as I didn't know what I wanted to learn! I wanted to make my own friends, see them every day and come across people who had different ideas to my parents. I didn't want 'the world according to my mother' (although strangely enough I turn out to agree on most things!)
I am against the HEer who says 'if you think that, your DC should be able to choose HE', as if everyone can do it or can afford to do it.
I love being a parent-I don't want to be main educator and I don't think this makes me a lesser parent who doesn't care and wants a babysitter!
I don't expect everyone to think the same, but I think you should take great care that it comes from the DC, however young, and not the parent. It isn't about the parent.

How do you ensure that your son is at the same level as other children in school? Or do you have the knowledge from your dcs 1 and 2? How does he meet other children.. on his own?

I think scho provides valuable skills that he doesn't, for example
having to see people you don't want to five days a week
having to work by someone else's timetable
socialising with other people at meal times
having to get up and out of the house five days a week

all of which are skills childten will need to get a job in the future

also I think it's important for my children to see I have a life outside of them and them being with me 24/7 doesn't convey that

and the obvious fact that i cannot afford to he because I have to go to work

Very good post by piscesmoon there.

I'm a secondary teacher but would not like to HE my own children. I know a lot about languages and am passionate about them...but couldn't really care much for History or Science so I don't think I'd fare too well.

Alongside the curriculum, one of the main things we teach our children to prepare them for the world of work, is organisational skills...recording homework in planners to be brought in on a specific day, remembering lunch money and PE kit, balancing long term preject homeworks with day to day homework, bringing notes in for absence etc etc...and of course the consequences of not doing these things.
As adults (and/or mums), we have to be organised and think ahead an awful lot - teaching children about this sets them up well, a HE child saying "I've forgotten my homework, but it's ok mum, I'll just nip upstairs and get it" isn't quite the same. Just my opinion.

I personally wouldn't he because I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't be motivated enough. (same reason I couldn't "work" from home myself, even if the job I did suited home working)

Also, my judgment has been clouded by several friends who HE. One friend does a fab job, 3 dcs close in age and she is very sociable. (she was previously a primary teacher fwiw) Some of her dcs have sn and from what she says the school wasn't addressing their needs adequately. She is patient and generally organised wrt education (not in a formal school lesson type set up though)

One the other hand, several other friends (one in particular with a similar personality to me) used to HE. All I could see was a lot of "fun" stuff going on and afaik at least one of the dcs was having major problems with reading and other "basics". Also these dcs in particular were quite lacking in social skills/discipline, although I appreciate that as parents we all address these things differently.

Just my opinion, obviously. Interestingly the only circumstance I would HE was if there was unaddressed, sustained bullying (which another poster mentioned earlier)

Was that to me easterbunny?

Ermm well Im a nursery nurse having spent a lot of time in school,so I jusge against whats expected on the various key stages what his peers are learning and what he himself enjoys....I dont think you can ever have a truly balanced mix but we are assesed each year and so far doing well.....people say to me 'oh hes so clever' but im not aiming for clever im aiming to quench his thirst and for him to enjoy learning....I think that school is a 1 size fits all and H.E can bend a bit ...for example his friend came to my house over easter (his childminder was v ill) and he joined in with our lessons,now this little boy who really doesnt enjoy education but loves school thrived and his reading levels soared his time tables were learnt etc etc - not because im magic but bcos somehow id clicked on the right way for him to 'learn'- my ds learns by rote if theres a rhythm this little boy learnt by finger clicking - i can imagine in a classroom thatd be very difficult to gear 'individual learning'- in fact whilst having dinner with his parents we were discussing lottery wins and his father said if we won the lottery wed have nicks here all the time,what xxxxx learnt in that fortnight was amazing .

*apologies for spelling and grammar im drinking rum lol

onepieceoflollipop - do you know why we started H.E??

because a teacher bullied our ds1 to the edge of a breakdown .

The children he meets are people he chooses,some are friends children others are just kids he plays with cos they are there - I think to a huge extent having two older brothers helps him with his socialisation.

nickschick how awful for your ds1. That is

I think that is why I kind of have in the back of my mind if one of my dds was being bullied, and it wasn't being addressed then I would seriously consider HE.

One does hear of incidences (and reads them on here) where the school seem to be ignoring the problem or in some other way the dc continues to suffer, and I think no way would I keep my child at a school like that. (disclaimer; just my personal opinion, I don't feel it is my place to judge other's decisions regarding their dcs' education or any other matter)

I think we hit the point where H.E was the only option we tasted it it worked for us and thats good ....incidentally I think if you have a child happy in school that is a gift and you should be thankfull - school for the majority of children is the best place in the world for them to be.

Btw it hasnt harmed ds1 longterm he got 11 a-c and is now studying for 4 a levels and hopes to become a lawyer.

nickschick lovely to hear it has gone so well for you and your ds.

tbh the first friend I mentioned seems to be doing really well, I imagine that her dcs will do equally well if not better long term/overall if she continues to h.e.

For some families it does work really well I know.

Onepiece my ds2 who was H.E bcos of ill health hated it and even though school is too much for him he has v low attendance ....school really is the best place for him- it all depends on the child.

I agree totally with picesmoon. But also:

I think it is somewhat arogant to think that you can provide a better education for a child than teachers who have spent years at university learning how to educate children.

I also think there's a real danger that you can get it wrong, and if you do, there's no-one to notice or to help put it right.
I know two people who were home-educated and they are both some of the most socially awkward people I have ever met in my life. One of them bitterly resents having been home educated, and now that she has her own children she travels half an hour across london every day to ensure they go to a decent school as she feels that actual school is very important.

And it's really not natural for children to spend 24 hours a day with their parents, with parents making all the decisions about their lives, who they are friends with etc. Children should be given the freedom to learn things without the parents being there, and to learn the discipline of having to get up/go out in the morning etc.

Also, I find that HE parents are extremely defensive and closed-minded. There's a real attitude (have noticed it on here) that no-one has the right to an opinion on how your child is educated, and how dare anyone ever question it/want to come into your house etc to see that your child is being educated appropriately.

If parents want to HE then that is obv their choice, but HE should be regulated and there should be some requirement to show that the children are being educated to a certain standard. Because if they're not, then it's still society that has to pick up the pieces.

wannabe I do take on your points in the majority - but im really not like that my ds is checked on by the ewo etc etc this works for us.

I have to send in examples of work and a written report etc and I should have a vist and did do sometimes several times a year - now I opt not to but not bcos i have anything to hide just because the ewo changes so often its not a strong partnership.

School can and sometimes unfortunately do let kids down and im not in the market for that - but im not defensive or closed minded to it at all.

Not against HE - and clearly some posters on here have had very good reasons for going down that route - but I think school is about so much more than the academic side. It's about learning to fit in, work to someone else's timetable, cope with difficult people, it brings you into contact with lots of different sectors of society and generally prepares you for life in the outside world when you leave school. They are the sort of things you only learn by being thrown into the kind of environment a school provides. A friend of mine was home educated and although she did very well academically (she went to Oxford) she finds it difficult to fit in and I think that has held her back to some extent both at work and in personal relationships - of course that could well be the reason her parents decided to home educate in the first place - but that would be my concern.

I keep thinking about HE (my kids are both under 3) but won't do it for the following reasons;

• the main one is that HE is private education by another name. There is a strong hint of thinking that your child is somehow better than everyone else's child. Plus I don't agree with private anything really. If you really want to improve education, volunteer at the school.

• if you mix with other HE'd kids, you are likely to be exposing your child to some pretty extreme people. I know the HE mums on here are lovely, but I get the impression a lot of people HE to object to evolution or sex education or black people or whatever in schools.

• even if all the HE people you mix with are nice, well adjusted mumsnetters, kids need to mix with people not as well off as them.

• kids are out of school at about 3pm anyway, still loads of time to do lovely visits to castles and that

• I would only be confident with my knowledge for primary school, and primary school isn't really for learning (if the parents are doing their job) anyway, it is for social skills.

• if the kids turn out to have some form of difficulty, it would be harder for a non-expert to spot. You might just think that is what kids are like.

I wouldn't write it off entirely, if my kids turn out to be somehow unusual, I will give it serious consideration, but I don't think it is for us.

wannabe, I must say, I have also been surprised how many HErs have bad feelings towards the LEA. I think that I would want to be checked, to make sure I was doing ok, as I'd be so nervous of getting it wrong.

I do like DDs school and am more than happy with her learning, I just wish she was ok to be away from me. She says she goes into the toilets and cries because she misses me I keep hoping she'll get used to it but no sign of that yet...

Having read some of these posts, I have to admit that I find it reassuring that most of the objections to Home-ed seem to be based on misconceptions of home-ed or how HE would work/not work for their family.

Juule I was just thinking the exact same thing!