Why can't i sit in on some of my child's class?

[fleetwoodmac]

My son is in Y2 Primary, and there was an issue about his "bad behaviour" raised with me by the teacher. I am aware of something wrong in the way he reacts to school (i think perhaps because he is a spirited child i.e. very energetic, persistent, loud, and likes to do his own thing!) and in a way i am glad the teacher raised this with me.

I asked the teacher if I could spend a morning observing him in class as I want to get a feel for it e.g. does he find it hard to sit still (he does at home), and she was reluctant, preferring to have a discussion only.

I am puzzled why teachers don't like a parent visiting their classroom when they have a concern about how their child is in class.

Does anyone shed any light on why this is?

(p.s. If i were a teacher it wouldn't bother me if a parent wanted to do this).

Yes! Fleetwoodmac says I'm picking on her Miss! I'm not, I'm just spirited, that's what my mam says!

hula speak sense. Listen to her.

It is difficult to know how to support your child when it is taken out of your control, i struggle with it.
Should i do nothing, leave them to it? Should i be doing more to support him and them? I never did get a clear answer to this.

When the school punish him by putting his name on the "traffic lights" and all of the kids in the class reffer to him as "the naughty boy in the class" i take issue with them doing this and reinforcing this label.
very difficult to shake i should imagine for a 4/5/6 year old.

You just scrabble around trying to think "why" is my kid like this? What have i done wrong? What must the school think of us? Is this how he will be for the rest of his time in this school?

It is distressing.

ARF at BOF.

I think actually my post waaaay at the beginning of this thread puts this whole thing perfectly succinctly.

bit of fun, you're not interested in my problem, so why don't you go away instead of being unpleasant.

bigTilly, i can understand what teachers go through and i am very sympathetic. my son is spirited at home, delightful, very loving, sensitive but hugely energetic,talkative and exciteable. i am trying my best to harness this and it isn't always easy.

I'm waiting for the Moderator's verdict.

Thing is, fleetwood, you're not exactly giving us all the impression that you're prepared to consider that your teacher might be right - and that your son might just be badly behaved instead of 'spirited'.

You won't listen to anyone who doesn't agree with you, which isn't going to go down well any time soon ...

Well, you ignored me the first two times I asked, but third time lucky. What aspect of his behaviour is his teacher concerned about? We might be able to help you figure it out if you opened up a bit.

Sounds like my DS! It has got better as he has got older, and at that age he was much better when he had a "spirited" teacher - one who is fun but assertive, fair but firm, etc. It was a disaster when he had a wet-lettuce teacher

Hulababy has it in a nutshell here:

The level of poor behaviour tolerated within a classroom is always going to be far less than what most parents would tolerate. This is simply because there are 30 children in the class to manage. The teacher has to be thinking of all of them, not just one individual. What you may feel is high spirits may well be inappropriate for a classroom full of 30 children.

What would your response to that point be fleetwoodmac?

Oh, and MN doesn't have moderators fleetwoodmac. We are self moderated on the whole. If you wish to have a thread pulled you need to contact MNHQ to request this yourself.

If you wish your son to progress within the school system, wouldn't it be better to genuinely reflect on the perception of the teacher, rather than challenge her judgement?

You already know she has a point, because you acknowledge he has traits that would be difficult to manage in a basic social setting, never mind an educational one. I don't want to upset you, but the teacher may well now feel that you are part of the problem, and that your attitude to her (eg to challenge her professional judgement) would, in the classroom, have a massively negative effect on her relationship with the child and what she is trying to achieve.

The teacher does not work for you. She works for your child, specifically to ensure that he gets the most out of the education system. Ideally she works with you, but if she now feels you are working against her, her priority, rightly, is the child's needs.

oooh bigtill you make a great point, i think that the teacher defo does make a difference.

At least i have found.

I just want to compare notes about bad behaviour me, not bothered about the sitting in bit tbh.

Your son has got to learn right from wrong, I'm afraid. Undermining the authority of others whose job it is to try to shape and guide his behaviour is not going to do him any favours in life. And it's quite rude to dismiss 43 other posts by saying "at last a sensible person".

Arf at moderator
My this thread has taken a turn to the dark side.

The thing is, a bright, spirited child can cause quite alot of bother without doing that much. They can lead other children in the wrong direction, especially if they are popular.

mmrred, what makes you think i haven't reflected? thats why i wanted to see more. the teacher does indeed work for my child, and i need to ensure that my child's best interests (within reason) are served - thats my job, or at least one of them.

i really don't need any lectures from anyone about how the system works, its nothing original or thought-provoking, so everyone can get off their soapbox.

i do appreciate those people who have taken time to try and understand where i am coming from. it is a serious issue for me, despite those who seem to have taken some kind of pleasure (?) in taking potshots and/or making jibes at me or my son when you know almost nothing about us.

i won't come back to mumsnet again with a question. obviously there are some fab, mature, sensitive mums out there - but wading through the unpleasantness - who needs it.

unfortunately, as well as being unhelpful to me, i doubt it helped anyone else much in my position. game null and void. over and out.

have just read through the whole thread and frankly I can see why you are not making much headway with the teacher

you seem quite incapable of mentioning any possibly annoying behaviour by your son, without qualifying it with words like delightful or at least putting "bad" in quotation marks, as if nothing your son does could ever be bad without qualifying

the teacher is trying to tell you about behaviour which, in the context of 30 children trying to learn and needing minimum disruption, probably doesn't come across as delightful at all

if you cannot accept that anything your son does can be negative or need to change, then it's going to be very hard for you to communicate at all

my nephew has had several years of his education disrupted by three high spirited and no doubt delightful children, whose parents were not listening to the teacher: it hasn't actually been a very good experience for him; and no, those children were not feral or criminal either, but they were loud and high spirited which made the classroom a very tiring place for the children who were trying to concentrate

you need to support the teacher and make it quite clear to your ds that you respect her

you need to do this both for your ds's sake and for the sake of the other children

I suspect bollocking is not in this particular parenting lexicon tbh.

Lol at this thread.

It's always bright, spirited, independent-minded children isn't it?

Never spoilt and indulged little so-and-sos, oh no.

Bof - stop being so unpleasant.

Well, that's me told then.

lol