Why can't i sit in on some of my child's class?

[fleetwoodmac]

My son is in Y2 Primary, and there was an issue about his "bad behaviour" raised with me by the teacher. I am aware of something wrong in the way he reacts to school (i think perhaps because he is a spirited child i.e. very energetic, persistent, loud, and likes to do his own thing!) and in a way i am glad the teacher raised this with me.

I asked the teacher if I could spend a morning observing him in class as I want to get a feel for it e.g. does he find it hard to sit still (he does at home), and she was reluctant, preferring to have a discussion only.

I am puzzled why teachers don't like a parent visiting their classroom when they have a concern about how their child is in class.

Does anyone shed any light on why this is?

(p.s. If i were a teacher it wouldn't bother me if a parent wanted to do this).

I think if I'd spent years training and all the hours of effort put into professional development etc to do such a relatively thankless task as be a teacher, I'd be a bit pissed off at some parent of a disruptive child showing up to assess my professionalism as if they were the boss of me, tbh. I wouldn't be encouraging them.

You did ask, sorry.

Would you be like this with the police if he got nicked for shop-lifting, btw?

"I'm sorry, but I disagree with your assessment of the situation, he is a spirited boy merely demonstrating the poor security procedures of the store in order to highlight the error of their ways. As a public servant answerable to moi, I demand you succumb to my superior knowledge"...etc etc.

Bit Of Fun, you still don't get it. We all make some judgments - hopefully fair ones. I just wanted some more information. As I explained the judgment wasn't just specifically about the setting, it was also to understand how my child was in that setting (which may or may not be suitable for him). I don't really understand why people are getting so angry! How dare I want to see for myself how my 6 yr old is fairing? How dare I question/discuss with a teacher.

Georgimama, probably you are right about the service/ethos not really existing......

I do get it- I just don't agree with you.

Would you then ask the teacher to modify her lesson plan/ activities to suit your sons' "spirited" personality?

What would you hope to achieve from sitting in, especially if you don't like what you see?

fleetwoodmac I understand where youy are coming from actually.

But I can also see why the teacher is reluctant.

For what it's worth, I would love to observe my DS in class, as he has difficulties in school that I cannot imagine because he is completely different at school.

Unfortunately I have to take the school's word for it all, but I can and do read their observations of him and all the records od 'incidents'.

Your school will also be keeping a record of all incidents so you could ask to have a look at these if you want?

Bit of Fun, my son was not caught shoplifting. You do not even know what the issue was and what was said to me. You are just being very,very nasty. If there are any moderators here please close this thread.

I would LOVE the opportunity to observe DS in class. Not to pass judgement but to support his learning at home.

The trouble is many current policies pitch parents and teachers against each other, as well as blaming both for the 'state of society'. It is an attempt to divert blame from the government.

The result: Very defensive teachers indeed, who are constantly being 'monitored', forced to work additional hours in order to 'prove' their ability and observed over and over again. Voters always like to know 'what is being done about education' so there always has to be a new initiative on the go and the conclusion is teachers with zapped confidence.

In this scenario the very last thing a teacher needs is a parent sitting in on the class observing them with a view to passing judgement on their performance.

The best thing you can do really is make the teacher a friend, demonstrate respect for her professionalism, seek her advice and THEN, if you feel you have exhausted those avenues, work with him/her to think about how you might go about observing a lesson in the least disruptive way.

It is a hypothetical situation to try and show you how your attitide is coming across- no need to get shirty

fleetwoodmac - I don't think bitoffun was even suggesting your son had been shoplifting. Just merely giving an example of how you may or may not deal with a hypothetical situation if your child were to be in trouble witht he police. Just another example of authority that you may or may not challege or not trust their professional judgement of your child's behaviour.

Fleetwood, i get what you are saying because i too have found myself in the presence of a teacher telling me about my sons innability to behave or sit still. Frequently unfortunately.
Your son sounds very much like mine.

I dont think that there is any thing wrong with you questioning and i think that the teacher would not either, theya re very happy to help, advise and work with me. That is my expereince any way.

I dont think that personally it would be helpful to sit in and observe, it is a bit too open to unfair critisism and also puts pressure on every one in the room.

I am a nurse and i feel VERY intimidated when families remain in the room when i am working.
I just meet regularly with the teacher, communicate very closely with her and do my best to guide and help my very spirited son.
He HAS to know that i am not there all of the time, that he HAS to comply to rules...that is a fact of life and the sooner he learns this the better.

I need the security of other people not related to us to help me to instil this in him.
Im not sure that me bieng there buffering him would be at all helpful in this valuable life lesson.

CAn i ask, do you have other issues with this school that prompts you to want to sit in?

I think she used it to exaggerate her position and try and make me look foolish. Anybody would think my son was out of control or feral, so i did find it offensive. Criminal behaviour is obviously something quite different and my son was not engaged in that!!!!

It is not particularly a questoin of judging a professional, it was to ssee how my son is in the class, which is a wider range of issues.

.

I feel I gave some valid reasons as to why a teacher may be reluctant to have a parent observer in the classroom.

Are you a teacher yourself, or have any experience of teaching? If your child did display what the teacher felt was inappropriate behvaiour, would you be able to sit back and watch their interaction without feeling the need to jump in and give your opinion? Could you judge professionally whether the teacher was right in his/her decision to reprimand your son?

The level of poor behaviour tolerated within a classroom is always going to be far less than what most parents would tolerate. This is simply because there are 30 children in the class to manage. The teacher has to be thinking of all of them, not just one individual. What you may feel is high spirits may well be inappropriate for a classroom full of 30 children.

And I don't think it is teachers necessarily being defensive. Teachers have lots of observers in their rooms - support staff, student/trainee teachers, work experience, senior management team, head teacher, LEA inspectors, OFSTED inspectors, parent helpers, etc. But having a specific parent coming in with the sole aim of watching them and how they interact with their child feels somewhat too obtrusive.

I really am not sure where the benefit would be - I truely think the dynamics with you there in such a role wouldn't work. Your child is likely to react differently, the other children are and the teacher also may well, especially if they feel their every move and word is being judged in some way.

I think a better route would be to start with having the conversation/discussion with the teacher about your child's behaviour. Find out exactly what it is that is the problem and how the teacher is currently managing it. Ask how you can support your child through this process., and then take it from there.

Also, bear in mind that it may not be the teacher his/herself who makes the decision about who can and cannot come into their classroom, and in what form. Those decisions generally come from higher up, such as from the Head.

What about the other children in the class? They deserve the teacher's attention too.

Your son needs to learn that he can't always do his 'own thing' in a 'loud', 'energetic' and 'spirited' way.

He has to learn manners and how to behave in class - and it's his parents' job to teach him that.

"very energetic, persistent, loud, and likes to do his own thing"

These are all issues that may need to be checked far more in a class of 30, than in a home situation where it is him and his parents, and maybe a sibling or too.

Fleetwood, could we compare notes on what the teacher says your son is doing please? I think that my son is the only one (probably isnt) in the whole school who plays up and i am at a bit of a loss as to what to do to help.

Hope you dont mind me asking.

yes, sunburntats (at last, a sensible person!) i may have other issues with the school and whether it is the right environment for him. it may be fine, may be not, i wanted to get a better understanding.

sorry to those who have tried to understand, i have got a bit side-tracked by the "your son has got to learn right from wrong, that he has to shape up or ship out etc etc" brigade, that life's not a bowl of cherries....!

"(at last, a sensible person!)"

Who's "she"? The cat's mother? That's very rude, I'm still here. I hope a moderator arrives soon to close this discussion- it is clearly becoming outrageous and untenable...

did i mention my child is a feral, law-breaking monster with no respect for anyone who single-handedly destroys every lesson and has no moral or personal guidance at home - who in fact is a bordering psychopath, thats why his teacher had a quiet word and i am taking an interest!

Oh lighten up woman, I'm yanking your chain. Starting to get a feeling why the teacher isn't biting your hand off at your offer though!

I personally wouldn't have any problem with you coming into my class, even if you then found that it was something that I was doing that was causing a problem. I don't think the other children would be unduly disrupted by you sitting at the back (they would forget about you after a while!), but your DS would almost certainly behave differently with you there.

Is there anyway you could either peer into the class through a window without him/others seeing you, or what about going in to help on a very regular basis? Then the children would get used to you being there and your DS would too and perhaps you would get a better idea about his behaviour.

Is his behaviour good and easily manageable at home? Is this why you can't imagine what he is doing in school? My DS was/is "spirited" at both home and school at times, so I don't have any difficulties imagining what the teacher must go through at times

sunburntats, don't mind you asking at all. i will try and email you if your post allows, you can try mine - i'm not sure if it can receive, i'll have a look not very tecnominded.

"at last, a sensible person!) "

Hmmm...cheers for that Why post if you don't want thoughts and opinions that may not match yours?